


Like I Am Whole Again

by KittytheSheGeek



Category: Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Forgiveness, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love, Post-Canon, Redemption, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Stormpilot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-16 11:55:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 61,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13635795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittytheSheGeek/pseuds/KittytheSheGeek
Summary: Several months after the battle of Crait, the Resistance has finished licking their wounds and are rebuilding. It is time for the First Order to finish them once and for all... but the Resistance won't go down without a fight.  Amidst the battle strategies and plots, Rey and Kylo Ren find themselves distracted by thoughts of one another, and the harder they try to let go, the more they are consumed by each other. When the Force Bond inexplicably reconnects them, they find themselves careening down a path of chaos, and the only way through is together.





	1. The Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Reylo fam! First of all, I would like to thank CambieX (on Tumblr and AO3) for sending me an invite to join; I've been waiting ages and I really appreciate the help! <3
> 
> Second, this is my first fanfic in a long time, in fact I haven't written much of anything in a long time, so I am a bit rusty. However I have been so inspired by the Reylo ship and by the community, that I just HAD to create a story! I have been writing like crazy and I am almost done, so I can promise you some regular updates.
> 
> One last thing, I don't really do songfics, but I do listen to a lot of music when I write, so sometimes I might post a link to a song in the notes. Listening to them isn't necessary to the story at all, but it might give you an idea of where my mind was when I wrote a chapter or specific scene :)
> 
> The first one I will post is what inspired the title of this fic: Love Song by the Cure. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lv5qN4Qn9ss) The lyrics just remind me of Reylo so much and I always think of them when I hear it. 
> 
> With that, here is my story. I really hope you enjoy reading my story as much as I have loved writing it!

The dry, mountainous terrain of the Dantooine badlands stretched endlessly in every direction, giving one the sensation of being truly in the middle of nowhere. After their narrow escape from the First Order, the Falcon had flown from system to system in no particular order in an attempt to truly shake off their pursuers. After they were certain they were no longer being tracked, Leia had directed them to an old Rebel base on Dantooine. The remaining members of the resistance were relieved to finally settle somewhere, though when they finally landed at the base their relief turned once again to trepidation.

The base had been well and truly abandoned decades prior, and it seemed that it had not been used or even thought of since well before the fall of the Empire. It was still in decent condition, though the wildlife had settled in, and a thick blanket of dust covered every inch of the place. But what was most disheartening was the size; the base easily could have housed several hundred people and held plenty of ships, but they had but one ship and only a few dozen people. Their defeat weighed heavily on each of their hearts, and even the promise of safety couldn’t lighten the gloom.

General Leia had been particularly affected by the events of Crait. She had been so sure their allies would come to their aid, and their abandonment had struck her hard. On top of that, she had lost the last of her remaining family. Luke had implied there was still hope for her son at least, but after suffering loss after loss she was finding it increasingly difficult to have any hope at all. She would never admit it though, and she had put on a stony, apathetic expression to mask her suffering. The last thing the few people who remained needed was to see their leader crumble. But Rey could feel Leia’s despair pulsing out like shockwaves every time she was near, and it was heartbreaking.

Rey wasn’t much better off. For one brief, glorious moment she had been so sure that she had succeeded in bringing Ben back to the light. She couldn’t help but dwell on the memory of fighting side by side with him; it had been unlike anything she had ever experienced before. They had been so in sync, perfectly attuned to each other. There had been electricity between them it seemed, as if the Force itself was guiding their every move. She could still vividly recall the sensation, and it was driving her crazy that she couldn’t shake him from her mind.

She couldn’t figure out where they had gone wrong. She couldn’t help but find herself wishing she could ask him, but every time she had that longing she shoved it forcefully from her thoughts. He had chosen his path, and she had chosen hers. The connection between them was severed, and that was for the best. Yet she knew somewhere deep in her heart that they would always be connected, bonded by the Force. As much as she tried to deny it, she knew her fate was entwined with his.

Rey spent much of her free time pouring over the Jedi texts she had taken from Ahch-To, training, or trying in vain to repair Luke’s lightsaber. She was learning a lot from the texts, but she was having no luck with the saber. Every time she tried to fix it and failed, she found herself thinking of Ben again, and wondering if he could help her. She was stuck in an endless cycle of longing for him, then furiously hating herself for doing so. Her every waking thought seemed to be consumed by him, and she couldn’t escape him even in her dreams. It was maddening.

As the weeks turned to months, the Resistance began to grow. Those that had arrived originally had discovered that most of the Dantooine base’s systems were still operational, though in serious need of upgrades and repairs, so it wasn’t long before they had licked their wounds and redoubled their efforts towards rebuilding the Resistance. Small recruiting parties were sent out, looking for people to join their ranks. To their surprise, it was a rather easy task. Tales of the legendary Luke Skywalker’s last stand against the First Order had spread, leaving an overwhelming sense of hope across the galaxy. The First Order had been doubling their efforts to keep a firm hold on the galaxy in response, but people were not going down without a fight. So when the Resistance recruiters came, people flocked to them. Most of them had nothing left to lose anyway, and Luke’s sacrifice had instilled them with a desire to follow his example and fight for their freedom.

Slowly the base returned to working order and began filling with ships, droids, and people. It had gotten busy, and the general atmosphere seemed to have improved greatly. Even Leia‘s spirits had been lifted by the growing support, and she was throwing herself into her work with more vigor than ever before. The only person whose mood seemed unaffected was Rey, who had grown more and more sullen as their numbers expanded. Truthfully, she had been feeling more alone than ever. She took comfort in her friends, but almost everyone else seemed to revere her and she was finding it difficult to be around the prying eyes and low whispers. She was the last Jedi and the last beacon of hope for the Resistance, and it was far too much pressure. She had no direction or any idea how to lead or inspire these people, yet they all seemed to be waiting for her to do so. So she had taken to spending a great deal of time alone, which did not help the loneliness.

There were times when Rey could swear she had almost connected with Ben again, though she often assumed it was merely because he was consuming her thoughts. But try as she might to play these moments off as nothing, she couldn’t help but feel like void inside her had been momentarily filled each time she thought she saw a flash of his dark eyes or heard the sound of his voice as if carried to her on the wind. And she certainly couldn’t help (much to her dismay) the crushing disappointment when she looked for him, only to find nothing but empty space beside her. She couldn’t understand why she had kept feeling this longing ache for him in the pit of her stomach, or why she felt so hurt and betrayed by him. All she knew for sure was that she felt incomplete, and she hated that she felt that way.

XXXXX

Across the galaxy, Kylo Ren had spent the passing months struggling to live up to his new title. The First Order was on the brink of total domination over the galaxy, but pockets of rebellions had risen up nearly everywhere. They had also lost track of the Resistance, and though he knew they were rebuilding, they could not find out where they were located. He had become obsessed with finding them, despite the many times General Hux tried to talk him into letting it go. Hux kept trying to get Kylo to realize that they had more important issues at hand, and he was growing increasingly frustrated with the new Supreme Leader and his unwillingness to take suggestion. Hux already didn’t trust Kylo; his story about how Snoke died just didn’t add up. So his relentless pursuit of the remnants of the Resistance only served to solidify his hatred of Kylo Ren.

But Kylo couldn’t help obsessing. His mind and soul had been utterly consumed by Rey, and her betrayal had broken something inside of him. He wanted to see her more than anything, and with the Force bond no longer connecting them, he had concluded that the only way to satisfy the ache in his heart was to track her down himself. Since their final encounter on Crait, he had become cold and hollow. He felt neither joy in their victories, nor any drive for anything other than finding Rey. He had to talk to her. He had to know why she refused him, and why he was so torn up about it. He felt like a piece of him had been torn away, and the rage and despair that he was left with threatened to tear him apart. He was so lost and so alone, more so than ever before, and the agony of it was suffocating him. He had no direction anymore. He had always had an end goal, but now he did not believe he could achieve it without her. He _needed_ her.

As the months passed Kylo taught himself to command with a stoic indifference. He had always been known among the troops for his hot temper, but somehow the cold, unreleased fury he now projected was infinitely more frightening. He found himself alone most of the time, but that suited him just fine. Hux had slowly been stretching his influence across the First Order, and Kylo knew he was trying to prepare. Hux needed people on his side when he finally found an opportunity to overthrow him, but he couldn’t even bring himself to care about that. He knew he could choke the life out of Hux without a second thought, so he didn’t bother to trouble himself with the backstabbing rat. He couldn’t bring himself to be bothered by anybody.

Several months after the battle of Crait, Kylo sat at the head of the table in the war room of the new First Order flagship while his officers discussed tactics around him. He had hardly been listening to them; it was the same discussion over and over again. Another squadron had been attacked by a rebel group on such and such planet…. several casualties… rebels exterminated. It was always the same.

“This is getting out of control, Supreme Leader. The rebel attacks have now moved from the outer and mid rims and have been happening on core worlds. We are getting reports of attacks from nearly every planet we have squads stationed. We need to take action before we lose control entirely,” Armitage Hux said, turning a wary eye to their leader.

Kylo sighed heavily; annoyed that he was being pulled into the conversation. “And what action do you propose we take, exactly? The more we force them to submit, the more they rise up and fight back. If you have a suggestion that we have not already tried, I would love to hear it.”

Hux narrowed his eyes slightly, struggling to hide the contempt for his superior. The other officers in the room looked between the two men with trepidation; they all knew that Kylo and Hux had hated each other for ages, and none of them wanted to get caught in the crossfire when they finally came to blows.

“We need a show of force that will prove to them once and for all that resistance means death. We need to destroy their spirit and make them fear us,” Hux replied, slamming his fist on the table.

“They already fear us, General. That is not the problem. You can force someone to kneel, but you cannot force loyalty. I have learned this long ago,” Kylo replied with a pointed snarl at Hux. “They will continue to fight us _because_ they are afraid.”

Hux scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You sound awfully sympathetic to the rebels. Perhaps it is your loyalty we should question.”

Kylo was on his feet immediately, his sudden movement causing everyone in the room to flinch. Hux ground his teeth in agitation, but there was a flicker of fear in his eyes. Kylo fixed his dark, penetrating gaze on the man he loathed deeply, saying nothing for a long moment. The room went silent, waiting with baited breath.

“To defeat your enemy, you must know your enemy. Get in their head and understand what they fight for. It is not sympathy, it is strategy, and if you took five minutes to figure that out, then perhaps you wouldn’t continue to fail time and time again,” he said, the calmness of his voice in stark contrast to the fury in his eyes. He glanced around at the other officers; none of them dared to speak. “We are done for today. Do not disturb me unless it is important.”

Kylo swept from the room without another word or backwards glance. They could argue ways to beat people down without him; he had long ago given up on trying to force people to be loyal. He had been betrayed far too many times by people he had trusted, so he definitely could sympathize with the people who were rising up to fight the First Order. Why should they trust a faction that had done nothing but abuse them? Yes, he could definitely sympathize.

He made his way to his room without hesitation, locking the door behind him as he entered. He unfastened his cloak and tossed it on the bed haphazardly, resisting the urge to ignite his lightsaber and destroy everything around him. He then closed his eyes and took a slow, deep breath, trying to ground himself. The entirety of the First Order had their eyes on him now, and he could not afford to keep losing his temper. He had already lost everything he cared about, the Order was all he had left. But suppressing the turmoil within him had not been easy.

For what seemed like the millionth time, his thoughts turned to Rey. Despite the hurt and betrayal he felt because of her, she seemed to be the only thing that could quell the storm inside him. As much as he hated to admit it, he actually missed her. He let out a heavy sigh, hating himself for thinking of her yet again, and then turned towards his bed. It was still early, but he felt exhausted. But as he turned, a familiar feeling came over him, dampening the sounds of the ship. Suddenly she was there, standing before him. He had sworn over the past months that he had seen flashes of her out of the corner of his eye, or briefly heard her voice, but he had just brushed it off as his imagination. But here she was now, in full clarity.

For the briefest of moments her face softened at the sight of him, as if he were an old friend she had been longing to see. But then her jawline tensed and her eyes hardened. Her eyes locked on his with a guarded expression. Kylo looked back at her, unable to tear his eyes away from hers. His hand twitched slightly, instinctively reaching out to her, but he let his hand remain limp at his side instead. He let out a small breath he hadn’t even been aware he had been holding, and he noticed with a pang of unexpected joy, that she had just done the same.

“Hello Rey.”


	2. Reflections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Several months after the battle of Crait, the Force Bond has connected Rey and Kylo Ren once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am posting the first two chapters at once, because they very much go hand in hand. Enjoy!

Rey had spent most of the day making another futile attempt to repair Luke’s lightsaber. She had re-read the chapters on lightsaber construction dozens of times, yet she still couldn’t figure it out. It was extremely frustrating; normally she was so skilled at fixing things.

She had left for dinner in the early evening, sitting with Finn, Rose, and Poe in the mess hall. Finn had just been promoted to Lieutenant and her friends were in high spirits, but Rey had difficulty maintaining her joy. She was happy for Finn of course, but she couldn’t help but dwell on the broken lightsaber in her quarters. She had spent most of dinner pushing the food around on her plate, half listening to the conversation around her.

“Are you not hungry Rey?” said Rose, her voice cutting through Rey’s thoughts.

Rey looked up from her plate, catching the worried expression on her friend’s face. She had Rose had grown quite close over the last few months, and she couldn’t help but be honest when Rose gave her that look.

“Not really. I just have a lot on my mind right now… I’m sorry for being gloomy,” Rey replied with a small smile.

“The lightsaber again?”

Rey’s smile grew and her heart swelled with appreciation for her intuitive friend. “Yeah. I just can’t figure it out... I feel like I’m missing something, and I don’t think I’m going to find it in those stupid books. I need someone to show me.”

Rose raised an eyebrow at her, looking suspicious. Rey had often thought that she had figured out about the bond between her and Kylo, or at least suspected something similar. But Rose never pushed her to talk about it. She had almost confided in Rose several times before, but her own fear had always stopped her. Rose hated the First Order, and Rey didn’t want to risk losing her friendship by telling her she was thinking of the Supreme Leader constantly.

Rey looked over at Finn and Poe, who were engrossed in a seemingly intense conversation about blasters. She admired how easily the two men clicked; they had grown inseparable during their time at the base, and it was for lack of a better word, adorable. She felt bad for Rose though. She knew Rose had feelings for Finn, but it was obvious to everyone that he only loved her as a friend. Even if Finn and Poe were not officially together, it was obvious to everyone (except the two men apparently) that they were perfect for each other. Rose had seemingly accepted this, but Rey could tell it still hurt her. She supposed if anyone could relate to constantly thinking about someone you desperately want to push out of your mind, it would be Rose.

“I think… I’m going to head back to my room. I’m getting a bit of a headache,” Rey said, turning back to Rose.

Truthfully, she just wanted to be alone with her thoughts. As tempting as it was to confide in Rose, she once again couldn’t bring herself to do it. Rose nodded, giving Rey a sympathetic look. Rey had a sneaking suspicion that her friend knew she was lying about the headache, but Rose was never one to pry, and Rey loved that about her. She got up from the table and wished her friends a good night, before heading out of the mess hall. She could feel dozens of eyes on her, watching her with interest. She hated it.

Rey picked up her pace, tracing the familiar path back to her bunk. She yearned for solitude, to be away from the curious eyes. She turned a corner into an empty hallway, and she slowed her pace slightly. Everyone would still be at dinner, so she didn’t expect to run into anyone now. Her mind wandered back to the saber that was waiting for her. She couldn’t help but admit that she needed help, and she knew exactly who could help her. But would he? Even if she were to somehow contact him again, would be willing to even speak to her?

She stopped, rubbing her temples with her fingers. Now she really was getting a headache. She let out a long sigh, trying to calm the tension in her body, but as she does the air around her seems to thicken and the sounds drifting towards her from the mess hall dampened. She recognized this sensation, and it shocked her. She looked up sharply, her eyes finding his instantly. Rey couldn’t quite read the expression on his face; it seemed to be somewhere between trepidation and joy, which threw her off entirely. For a moment she couldn’t suppress the relief she felt bubble up at the sight of him. She composed herself and let out a small breath, noting him do the same, but she remained silent. She had no idea what to say.

“Hello Rey.”

His voice echoed through her, deep and familiar. She found herself hanging on to each syllable, savouring the sound of her name in his mouth. She could feel his energy radiating out toward her, drawing her in, but she steeled herself against it, fighting with every ounce of her willpower to resist.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, her tone sharp and cold. “ _How_ are you here?”

Kylo’s face fell at the resentment in her voice, and he crossed his arms. “I’m not here by choice; you know I can’t control this any better than you can. As to the how, I am sure you know the answer already.”

Rey hesitated before answering; she did know the answer, but she didn’t want to admit it. “Snoke is dead. I thought this… thing between us died with him.”

“Don’t be foolish Rey. We were bonded long before Snoke intervened.”

She felt a jolt in her stomach at his words. The thought of being bonded to him sent a strange sensation through her, and once again her mind was reeling. But once again she chose to hang on to her anger.

“Go away Ben. I don’t want to see you.”

Kylo’s jaw tensed, but then the shadow of a smile appeared on his lips. “I’m still ‘Ben’ to you then?”

Rey’s eyes narrowed at him, and she let out a frustrated growl. She turned on her heel and began to march the opposite way down the hall, hoping to break the connection. Kylo took a few steps after her, a sudden panic coming over him.

“Rey, wait!” He called, reaching out toward her.

The desperate plea brought her to a stop, and slowly she turned back around to face him. The cocky look had been replaced by what she could only describe as fear, and the sight of it quelled her anger slightly. They stood in silence for a long moment, eyes locked together, each of them searching for the light they had seen in each other before. After what seemed like an eternity, Rey took a tentative step forward, swallowing hard.

“Are you… well?” she asked, crossing her arms over herself protectively.

Kylo was taken aback by the question, and his expression grew involuntarily suspicious. He wanted to trust that her concern was genuine, but he couldn’t bear to be hurt by her again.  
“I’m… fine. I guess,” he replied, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Are you?”

Rey nodded, feeling as awkward as he looked. “Yeah. Me too.”

They both looked away from each other, at a loss for words. They had both known they would come face to face again one day, but neither of them had expected it to be such a strange encounter. There was so much they wanted to say to each other, so much they wanted to ask. But neither of them could bring themselves to speak the words.

Kylo cleared his throat, trying desperately to think of something to say to her. “Where are you?” he asked, thinking of nothing else.

Rey’s face hardened again, and she scoffed. “Like I’d tell you! Did you really think I’d tell you where we are after like, three somewhat nice words to me? Is this all you wanted?”

Kylo realized his mistake immediately, and he dug his fingernails into his palm to control the anger he felt at himself. _‘Stupid! You are such an idiot!’_ he thought to himself, grinding his teeth at his poor choice of words.

“I didn’t mean… I was just wondering if you’re alone. I can’t see your surroundings,” he said hurriedly, before she decided to walk away again.

Rey studied him for a moment, her eyes falling on his balled up fists. His hands were tense and shaking, and she could tell that he was hurting himself. The urge to comfort him washed over her like a wave, but she took a steadying breath and resisted it.

“I’m… sort of alone. I was heading to my room, but there’s nobody around right now,” she said, calming her temper. She looked back up at his face, unable to hide the concern that she was trying so hard to resist. “Ben… don’t do that,” she added softly, pointing at his fists.

He released his fists immediately, the surprise at her concern for his well-being catching him off guard. It made a warm feeling inside him stir, but it was swiftly replaced with doubt. She left him. Why did she care?

“Why not? Since when do you care about my pain?” He snapped, his doubt turning to anger. “You have already made it clear that I am a monster and you want nothing to do with me. So don’t pretend you care.”

Rey felt as if she had been slapped, and the look on her face reflected that for a moment before it was twisted by her own rage. “How dare you!? I risked my life for you! I fought by your side to save you! Obviously I care, how could you doubt that? You were the one who threw all that away, you are the one who wanted nothing to do with me. You chose your ambition, your darkness. You are the one who chose not to care!”

“Me? I saved your life! I killed Snoke for you! I offered you the whole galaxy and you turned your back on me! You attacked me, and then left me lying unconscious in that throne room. How could you possibly blame me?”

“I didn’t attack you, I was just trying to leave!”

“EXACTLY!” Kylo roared. “YOU LEFT ME!”

Rey fell silent, watching Kylo with a furrowed brow. His chest was heaving and his face twisted in pain and rage. His hands ball up into fists again, his knuckles going white from the pressure.

“You left me,” he repeated, his voice low and strangled in his throat.

She moved toward him, overwhelmed by the turmoil radiating off of him. Despite her better judgement, she reached out and took one of his hands in hers, prying his fist open to reveal tiny, crescent moon cuts across his palm. Her touch shook him out of his rage, and he stared down at his palm with shaking breaths.

“I’m sorry Ben. I… I just couldn’t follow you down the path you wanted to take. I didn’t know what else to do, so I ran. I can’t follow you into darkness. I can’t betray everything I believe in and take over the galaxy by force. When you killed Snoke… I thought you had chosen the light. I didn’t realize it was just… for your ambition.”

“Rey… you still don’t understand, do you? My offer wasn’t about darkness or ambition. I want you… I need you to help me bring balance.” Kylo looked down at his hand between hers, unable to resist letting himself get lost in the sensation for the briefest moment. He wanted nothing more than to stay just like this, but he could feel the doubt in her mind. She didn’t trust him. He reluctantly pulled his hand away and took a step back.

“If you want balance, then why do you cling to the Dark Side? Why did you refuse to join me in the Light?” Rey asked, her eyes pleading for an answer.

“Light and Dark must work in tandem. You cannot have balance when you tip the scale too far in one direction.”

Rey fixed her eyes on his, letting his words sink in. They made sense, but everything she had been taught had told her to fear the Dark Side. That it was something evil that should be avoided and driven away. Yet she had felt its pull too. She had resisted it for the most part, but she had to admit that she had given in to her rage before. She had been tempted, and the darkness felt so natural.

She took a long breath trying to form a reply, but she couldn’t seem to form words. Her mind was reeling, questioning everything she had learned. Part of her was convinced that Ben was simply lost, blinded by his own ambitions and drunk on the power that Snoke had given him. But somewhere deep in her heart she sensed the truth of his words. Balance in the Force meant embracing the Light and the Dark. Two halves of a whole. Is this why she felt so drawn to him? Was she the light to his darkness?

She searched his dark eyes for an answer, for the truth she already knew. His gaze was intense, and Rey couldn’t help but feel like he could read her every thought. The idea made her blush slightly, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from his. “Ben…” she breathed as she reached her hand up toward his face.

“Rey, is that you?” a voice called, cutting across the silence.

Rey spun around just as Finn came around the corner, a bemused look on his features.

“I thought I heard your voice. What are you doing?” he asked, striding over to her.

Rey, glanced back over her shoulder, but she already knew the truth. Kylo was gone. She took a deep breath, attempting to shake off the disappointment she couldn’t help feeling at his absence, then turned back to Finn.

“Hey… I was just heading back to my room and um… I was just… talking to myself,” she replied, cringing inwardly at her sorry explanation.

Finn gives her an amused look, but doesn’t question her. “Well if you need to talk to someone, you have friends who will gladly listen. You don’t need to talk to ghosts, you know.”

Rey smirked slightly. If only he knew.


	3. Ebb and Flow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Rey and Kylo Ren are shaken from their recent connection, but Kylo finds himself unable to cope with his conflicted feelings.

The encounter with Rey had left Kylo in a deeper state of confusion than he had been in ages. She had vanished so suddenly, but before she disappeared she had reached out to him, she had comforted him. But he still couldn’t bring himself to trust that she was being sincere. She had abandoned him, just like everyone else he had ever trusted, and he was a fool to believe that she would be any different. And yet, he could sense that she was feeling the same pull towards him as he was feeling towards her. Perhaps she was telling the truth, and she simply misunderstood what he was trying to do. Though if he was being honest with himself, he was no longer sure that the path he had taken was the correct way to accomplish his goals. He couldn’t help but think of his father, and wishing he could ask for his advice.

He had hoped Rey would appear again, but several days passed with no sign of her. It made him increasingly irritable. He had been trying so hard to push her from his mind, but after seeing her again he knew that would never happen. Now more than ever he needed to find the Resistance base. He needed to see her and make her understand. He needed her so badly that it made him ache. In an attempt to distract his mind and dull the ache in his heart, he had thrown himself into training. Whenever he was not asleep or in a meeting, he focused on practicing his lightsaber forms or pounding out his frustrations on a punching bag. He had developed a bad habit of punching away until his muscles burned and his knuckles bled, but he realized that the physical pain gave him something else to focus on. He began to welcome it.

Kylo was in the training room again. It was late, and he was the only one there once again. He had been there for well over an hour already, his shirt long ago abandoned and his skin slick with sweat. Yet he continued, punching over and over again, relishing the burning ache in his arms and the sharp sting of his torn up knuckles. He had given up hoping that Rey would appear to him again; he had come to the conclusion that the last time was merely a fluke. She didn’t want to see him, and she had made that clear. His thoughtless words and violent actions had driven her away, just like everyone else.

As this thought crossed his mind, a sudden surge of despair rips through his chest, and he fell to his hands and knees. The pain of it knocked the air from his lungs, and he gasped for breath as he tried to push the toxic thoughts from his mind. He clenched his hands into fists, focusing on the throbbing wounds, and slowly his mind came back into focus. _‘Weak,’_ he thought. _‘Pathetic.’_ He let out a long sigh, trying to catch his breath. He sat back on his knees, staring down at his bleeding hands with contempt.

Without warning, the room around him seemed to dim and go quiet. He looked up expectantly; with a satisfied jolt, he saw Rey sitting a few feet from him, wrapped in a blanket and reading what looked like some sort of repair manual. She looked up as she felt the Force bond take effect, and her eyes widened at the sight before her. Her cheeks turned red and she turned her face away from him hastily.

“Wh-what are you doing!?” she said, her voice high with embarrassment. “Why are you never wearing a shirt!?”

Kylo gave her an amused look, and he smirked slightly at her reaction. “I was just… training. And I often wear shirts, actually,” he replied, unable to resist teasing her.

Rey stole a glance at him, her cheeks still pink. Her eyes involuntarily moved down his body with surprising interest, though she fought hard to veil it. She had been about to turn her eyes away again, but suddenly her face twisted in shock and her embarrassment was forgotten. She had seen his hands, bruised, bleeding, and swollen.

“Ben, what happened?”

Kylo looked down at his hands again, feeling defensive and ashamed. He tried to hide his hands from her and shrugged noncommittally, trying to avoid the question. Rey set her book down next to her and threw off the blanket, then moved towards him. She knelt by his side, mere inches away. Kylo could feel her energy consuming him, and as she reached down to gingerly take one of his hands in her own, he couldn’t help but feel like he was drunk. She carefully inspected the wounds across his knuckles, her brow knitted in concern.

“What happened?” she repeated, trying in vain to catch his eyes with hers.

He kept his gaze fixed on his hands, the pain helping him focus through her overwhelming presence. “I told you; I was training,” he murmured as he pulled his hands away from hers.

“You… did this to yourself?”

Kylo clenched his jaw. Why did she care? He couldn’t figure it out. One moment she was yelling at him or calling him a monster, and the next she was touching him, caring for him, trying to heal his pain. They were constantly being pulled apart, and then crashing together again like waves against the shore and it was driving him crazy. He wished she would just decide if she hated him or not so he could stop obsessing over every moment of kindness she bestowed him.

Rey took his silence as confirmation, and she frowned down at his bleeding hands. He was infuriatingly stubborn, and she was half tempted to just ignore him until the Force bond broke, but his pain stirred something inside her that she just couldn’t ignore. She took hold of the loose fabric that was draped over her and tore off a large chunk. Kylo looked up at the sound, frowning at her as she tore the detached piece into two halves.

“What are you doing?” he asked warily.

Rey answered by taking his wrist and pulling one of his hands toward her. She began wrapping the fabric around his knuckles, silently bandaging the wound. Kylo watched her with trepidation as she bandaged both of his hands, not daring to believe it was anything more than pity that caused her to dress his wounds so tenderly. When she had finished, Rey held his hands in hers for a moment, her eyes fixed on them with sadness. She looked like she wanted to speak, but the words would not come. She gently pulled her hands away from his, settling them in her lap.

Kylo studied his bandaged hands for a long while, sitting before her in silence. He didn’t know what to say. He never knew what to say around her. Finally he looked up at her sheepishly. “Thanks,” he mumbled.

She gave him a small smile. “You’re welcome.”

They stared at each other awkwardly for a moment before Rey spoke again. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”

Kylo let out a short breath of annoyance. “Nothing… _happened_ , I just got carried away.”

Rey narrowed her eyes at him, sensing his lie. But he was calmer, and he was communicating, so she didn’t want to make accusations and cause him to put his guard back up. “Well… be more careful, okay? Don’t hurt yourself like this.”

He knew she had sensed that he was not being entirely truthful, and he knew that she was starting to figure out the truth. It scared him to think that she could see the vulnerable side of him, the side that welcomed physical pain as a distraction from the internal pain he could not control. Her eyes seemed to penetrate into his very soul, and it made him uncomfortable. Nobody had ever truly seen him the way she seemed to.

Kylo had no answer for her. He couldn’t pretend that this wouldn’t happen again. Whenever the rage, guilt, and pain within him became too much to bear, he couldn’t help but vent. Whether that meant destroying something or causing himself pain, he needed the release in order to regain some sense of control again. No matter how hard he tried to supress those outbursts, he couldn’t stop himself from bubbling over like a raging volcano.

Rey looked at him expectantly, waiting for an answer he could not give. He didn’t know why she thought he was worth her empathy.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked, his tone harsher than he had meant it to be.

Rey looked taken aback, and her face hardened slightly. _‘Good,’_ he thought, _‘don’t forget what you truly think of me.’_

But she didn’t get angry. She merely gazed at him, as if finally seeing something within him that she had not noticed before. It made him feel exposed and awkward, and he instinctively wrapped his arms around himself like a shield.

“Ben, I don’t know what happened to make you this way, but I would like to be here for you. You’re not alone, remember?”

“Are you so sure about that?” he snapped, glaring at her. “Because I distinctly remember you walking away from me. Actually, I take that back, I don’t remember it because I was unconscious. I woke up surrounded by death and destruction, and I was entirely alone.”

She was finally starting to understand, and she realized with crushing certainty that she had made a huge mistake. Kylo hadn’t been inviting her to take over the galaxy; he had been begging her to prove to him that he was wanted. That somebody cared. She had failed him, and as a result he had slid right back into the comfort of his toxic habits. Her fear of the Dark Side blinded her to his pain and the desperate need for belonging that tore at his heart. She felt so stupid; she knew exactly what that pain was like. She knew how it felt to be so astoundingly lonely that it burned right down to the core.

“I’m… I’m sorry. I was afraid; I still am. I have seen the darkness within me and I can’t allow myself to let it flourish. I don’t want to be part of the First Order. I don’t want to be -”

“Like me?” Kylo said, interrupting her.

Rey gave him a pained look. She wasn’t sure how to answer that; truthfully, he wasn’t entirely wrong. He was angry and bitter, twisted by every crushing disappointment, every abandonment in his past. He was a broken man, and while she didn’t know exactly how he had gotten that way, she knew he must have endured terrible things that she never wanted to experience. She knew in her soul that he didn’t start out as this fractured, volatile person, and it broke her heart to imagine what could have possibly warped him in such a way.

“You could have come with me, you know,” Rey said meekly, attempting to deflect his question.

“Where, to the Resistance? Are you ignorant enough to believe they would just let me walk in and sign up? Besides, I need the power of the First Order.”

“ _Need?_ ” Rey hissed at him, her anger returning. “Why are you so desperate for power? Why are you so willing to give up everything, to destroy everything for it? What joy could this path possibly bring you?”

“It’s not about joy, or even about power. I’ve told you before, it’s about balance. We need to let the past die and usher in a new era for the galaxy. Do you really think the Republic was any less dark and corrupt than the First Order? Or the Empire? They are all poison. Even your precious Resistance; how many people have your friends killed? Each TIE pilot, each foot soldier… they all had families too. They had lives that were snuffed out. And you, how easily did you strike down Snoke’s guard? To you they were just a faceless enemy, but they were still people.

We need to destroy it all, stop this endless cycle of one force rising up to dominate, and others rising up to take it down. It’s a constant fight to seize control, and every single one of them thinks they know what is best for the galaxy. But it just continues the bloodshed and the oppression, and innocent people keep getting caught in the crossfire. We need a new government, one that will consider all people from all walks of life across every planet.”

Rey was shocked. She certainly hadn’t expected this answer, but she was still struggling to understand. “What makes you think that you will be any different?”

“Me? I wouldn’t be. I never had any intention of being a part of that future; I was merely the instrument that would move us all towards it. But you are my equal. The strength I have in the darkness, you have in the light and together we are balanced. Together we are whole.”

His words resonated deeply with her. _Together they were whole_. She had always felt like a part of her was missing, though she had usually attributed this to her lack of parents or family. But maybe what she was missing… was him. Yet she still couldn’t bring herself to desire that kind of power. What gave her the right to rule over people? The idea of a balanced, peaceful future without the corruption of greedy politicians certainly sounded wonderful, but it didn’t feel right to put herself in control of it all. She admired his idealism, but she knew that it would never work. There would always be people who rose up and tried to seize power, and there was nothing that could be done to stop it.

She could sense his desperation in every word he spoke. Surely he knew somewhere inside him that his vision of a perfectly balanced future was nothing more than fantasy, but like her, he longed to know his place in the world. He yearned to feel like he belonged, and that he had a purpose. Was this how Snoke had seduced him? By painting a picture in Ben’s head of a bright future in which he was whole and happy? A future in which he never had to question the loyalty or the trust of the people he cared about? Rey tried to put herself in his place, imagining that she had been promised greatness and belonging after having been abandoned by people she loved. She tried to imagine being so broken from loss that she would do anything to shed her dark past, and what it would be like to want a new life for herself so desperately that she would tear down anyone who stood in her way.

She still couldn’t condone the terrible things he had done, but if her instincts about him and his past were true, she honestly couldn’t blame him for becoming the dark, angry man before her. She had always been weighed down by her own internal conflicts; her foolish belief that her parents would return for her, her struggle between the light and darkness within her, the aching need to belong and be loved. But as she considered the magnitude of the storm she knew must be raging inside of Ben Solo, she couldn’t help but feel anything but poignant sorrow. Slowly she was starting to piece together the puzzle that was Kylo Ren, and it was a tragic, somber picture.

Kylo gazed at her as she pondered him. He had a defensive expression, but his eyes begged for her to understand. She had seen that look in his eyes before, right before she had turned her back on him. Rey searched the recesses of her mind trying to find the right thing to say, but nothing came to her. They sat in silence, eyes locked on each other in a wordless plea for forgiveness. The silence began to lift, and the sounds from the ship around Kylo assaulted him with sudden volume. He reached out for Rey, not wanting her to leave.

“No… wait!” she cried as she realized what was happening.

It was the last thing he heard before she had vanished completely, and he was left sitting on the training room floor alone, reaching out towards the emptiness before him. He let his arm drop, and then with a sudden swell of anger he pounded his fists against the floor. His eyes fell on the makeshift bandages around his hands, giving him some comfort. He had half expected the fabric to vanish with her, and the fact some small piece of her stayed behind quelled the rage within him. After a while he picked himself up off the floor and started to collect his things. He could feel a headache forming, and the idea of a hot shower and the hope that Rey might yet care for him drove his feet as he headed out into the hall.

Across the galaxy, Rey’s room came back to her in sharp focus, and she swore loudly. There was so much she still wanted to say, and she feared that Kylo would take her disappearance as abandonment. But surely he was aware that she couldn’t control the bond, and that she hadn’t wanted to leave.

The realization hit her like a shockwave. _She hadn’t wanted to leave._ No matter what she told herself, she couldn’t stop wanting to be near him. She couldn’t stop the magnetism with which his presence pulled her in, and every time she saw him that magnetism grew harder and harder to resist. Was this an effect of the Force bond? Or was it something else, something deeper? Kylo was right when he said that together they were whole; he was drawn to the light in her, and she was drawn to his darkness. Together they formed a perfect balance of both.


	4. The Spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey reflects on her feelings for Kylo Ren, and takes comfort in her friends.

Morning had come too soon. Rey had barely slept, her mind still reeling from her conversation with Kylo. Dawn came and went with the promise of a bright, beautiful day, but Rey felt as if all the colour had drained from the sky and everything had been left the same dull shade of ash. After lying in bed for a while, she decided to get up. There was no point in wallowing here. She had been shutting herself up for so long, and it would be good for her to get up and face the day.  
She got herself dressed and ready, and then headed towards the mess hall. She stopped in the doorway for a moment, scanning the crowd of people sitting down for breakfast for a familiar face. Rose and Finn were off to the left, sitting alone at a table and laughing loudly. Rey grabbed some breakfast before she crossed the room, and sank into the spot next to Finn with a mumbled “Good morning.”

“Morning Rey! Did you get a chance to read that book?” Rose said, her cheery disposition seeping its way through Rey’s gloomy fog and lightening her mood somewhat.

“What book?” Finn interrupted eager to remain a part of the conversation.

“I lent Rey a book on the theory of engineering. Super boring for light reading, but I thought it might help with her lightsaber problem.”

Finn scoffed, and raised an eyebrow at Rose. “It’s a weapon, not a ship.”

“Yes, but it still has mechanical parts to it. The Jedi texts have all the theory, but Rey is still not able to fix the lightsaber. I thought maybe having some practical engineering knowledge might help, especially since she’s pretty good at fixing things already. It couldn’t hurt, anyway,” Rose replied, flicking the tip of Finn’s nose.

“Ow! Hey!” He laughed, pushing her hand away.

Rey laughed at her friends, appreciating how they were always able to brighten her mood. She gives Finn a light shove, and then turned to Rose. “I read some of it last night, but I don’t think it’s going to help me unfortunately. I’ll finish the book before I return it, but I don’t think it’s the solution. Thanks for trying though, it was a good idea.”

Rose beamed at her friend and shrugged. “Oh well, worth a try!”

“So what have you got planned for today? We’ve hardly seen you lately, if you’re free, we should all do something,” Finn said, returning to his breakfast.

“Ooh, yes! I’m free later this evening, we should have some drinks… play some cards… it will be fun! Plus we haven’t properly celebrated your promotion, Finn, so now we have to!” Rose exclaimed, clapping her hands together excitedly.

Rey was really not in the mood for a party, but Finn was right when he had said they hadn’t seen much of her lately, and she felt a pang of guilt. She had been feeling so lonely, yet here she had three amazing friends who loved her. She couldn’t help the feeling that something was missing from her life, but she also couldn’t keep pushing away the people who were there for her.

“Alright, I’m in,” She said, suppressing a wary sigh.

Later that night, Rey found herself squished in Rose’s quarters along with Finn, Poe, and to her surprise, Lieutenant Connix. She had Poe had become quite close, and he had invited her along despite the lack of room. Rey liked Connix well enough, but it made her a little sad to think of her friends branching out and making new connections. She knew it was selfish of her to want her friends all to herself, but she had never had friends before, and that deeply rooted fear of abandonment reared its ugly head every time their little group expanded.

Rey smiled despite herself, unable to shake the realization of just how alike she and Kylo were. The more she thought about all the things she had discovered about him, the more she saw the similarities in herself. She couldn’t help but wonder if she would have ended up just as dark and angry as he was if she had been tempted by someone like Snoke.

“What’cha thinking about?” Rose’s voice said suddenly, breaking Rey out of her thoughts.

She looked up at her jubilant friend and shook her head. “Oh, nothing really. Just zoning out.”

“Uh huh. And that explains the goofy smile on your face,” Rose replied with a wink. “Here, have another drink.”

Rose handed her a glass of something that smelled like paint thinner, but she took a sip anyway. It burned her throat and tasted awful. She glanced down at Finn, Poe, and Connix, who were sitting on the floor playing a card game she had never heard of. That lonely, bitter feeling threatened to consume her as she realized she had grown up without any of this. Liquor, games, fun. She had never had time for it, and certainly could never afford such things. She had always counted herself lucky that she was generally able to feed herself and pay for her basic needs. She took another long sip of the foul alcohol, attempting to suppress her gloomy thoughts.

“Are you okay?” Rose asked, noticing her spacing out again. “You’ve seemed down lately.”

Rey shrugged. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Rose pursed her lips slightly and shuffled closer to her friend. “Rey, I’m starting to worry about you,” she said in a low voice so the others couldn’t hear her over their laughter.

Rey took another sip of her drink, coughing slightly as it burned its way down to her stomach. She avoided Rose’s eyes. She wanted so badly to confide in somebody, but the fear of losing the people she had come to care so deeply for made her stomach churn.

“I can’t... “ Rey’s eyes fell on the three friends on the floor. “I can’t really talk about it.”

Rose followed her gaze, and nodded. “Let’s go for a walk and grab some more drinks,” she said, though Rey knew her accompantment was not optional.

“Guys, Rey and I will be right back. We’re gunna grab some more drinks,” Rose called to their friends, pulling Rey up by the hand and out the door.

They marched down the hallway in silence, putting some distance between them and Rose’s room before either of them spoke. Rey hadn’t had time to put her cup down, so she sipped on the vile drink as they walked, unsure of what else to do. Once they were a good distance away, Rose stopped and spun around to face her, determination all over her face.

“Spill. Something is bothering you, and you can’t keep it bottled up or it will drive you crazy. I’m your friend, that’s what we are here for!”

Rey avoided her gaze, scuffing her shoe across the floor awkwardly. “I… don’t know if I can tell you. I don’t want you to… I don’t know. Think bad of me I guess.”

“Rey! I couldn’t possibly. You can trust me, okay? I care about you and I want to be here for you.”

Rey let out a deep sigh, searching her mind for the right words. There really was no easy way to say it though. Confessing that she was Force bonded to the Supreme Leader of the First Order and against her better judgement, she was starting to care about him wasn’t exactly something you just blurted out.

“So… I don’t really know how to explain this, but back on Ahch-To, I sort of… connected... with Kylo Ren.” His chosen name felt foreign and strange in her mouth, but she knew Rose would probably not know who she meant if she referred to him as Ben.

Rose furrowed her brow, and her mouth falls open slightly. “I’m sorry… what?”

Rey steeled herself and took a deep breath before continuing. “The Force has been connecting us, allowing us to see each other and talk to each other. It went away for a while, after we escaped Crait, but recently the bond has reopened.”

Rose gaped at her, clearly at a loss for words. She bit her lip and thought for a moment before speaking. “So… you’ve been seeing, and speaking to Kylo Ren? Is that what’s bothering you?”

“Well… in a manner of speaking, yes. But seeing him doesn’t bother me, really. What’s bothering me is the fact that I’ve… gotten to know him better, I guess. I sensed the light in him when the bond first started, and I thought I could save him. I went to the _Supremacy_ to turn him to the light, and he killed Snoke to save my life.”

Rose looked even more dumbfounded that before, and she shook her head slightly, trying to make sense of the information she had received. Rey hadn’t told anyone that she had been present when Snoke died. She had gone to save Ben and had not succeeded, so she saw no point in admitting what she thought at the time was a mistake. She wished now that she had at least mentioned it to Leia, or to her friends. She had been so hurt by their last encounter in the throne room that she had allowed her pain to mask the fact that it was the light in him that saved her. She had chosen instead to believe that he was lost, and that she had failed.

“Okay… I’m confused,” Rose admitted, crossing her arms.

“There is light in him still. I was angry at him for a long time, until the bond opened again. We’ve been talking a little, and I’ve started to see the person he really is. He is lost and in pain. He’s not… he’s not the monster we all thought he was.”

“We are talking about the same Kylo Ren, right?” Rose said, her tone harsh. “The same Kylo Ren that killed Han Solo? The Same Kylo Ren who is currently the Supreme Leader of the First Order, whom my sister _died_ fighting?”

Rey flinched at her words, instantly regretting her decision to confide in anybody. “I’m sorry… this is why I didn’t want to say anything. It’s hard to explain.”

Rose sighed, frowning at the meek tone in Rey’s voice. “No, I’m sorry. I asked you to confide in me and to trust me, and I’m glad that you did. I don’t really understand any of this… but I’m here for you no matter what. If you think that there is something in him that is worth saving, then I believe you. You obviously know him better than any of us, so all I can do is trust your judgement.”

Rey looked up at her friend, relief lightening the weight in her stomach. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Rose, pulling her into a tight hug. Rose immediately hugged her back, and they stayed that way for a few moments before breaking apart, both grinning at each other. Rey couldn’t help it. She finally knew what true friendship was, and knowing that Rose had her back even though she didn’t fully understand made her happier than she had been in months.

“We should grab those drinks and get back before we are missed,” Rose said, smiling warmly at Rey.

The rest of the evening seemed to pass in a blur. After returning from their walk, everyone seemed to be in the mood to down drinks like water, and Rey could barely keep up. Each drink was like fire, and the more she drank, the fuzzier her mind felt. She could barely think straight, and every time she stood up she was overcome by dizziness, and stumbled into the nearest object or person. But she had also been laughing harder than she had in ages; so hard that her sides hurt. She wasn’t even sure what was so funny, but once one of them started, the others would follow until they were all in tears and gasping for breath.

At some point in the night, she vaguely registered that she was starting to pass out, and she could see that her friends were starting to do the same. Rose was unconscious on her bed, and Finn’s head had landed on Poe’s shoulder and he was snoring gently. Poe didn’t seem to mind, but Rey took this as her cue to stumble back to her own bed. She said goodnight to Poe and Connix, who were somehow still alert and playing cards, and then attempted the trek back to her own bunk. She wasn’t quite sure what got her there, whether it was the Force generously pointing her in the right direction, or mere muscle memory, but eventually she found her way.

She stumbled through the door, and attempted to remove her boots. She had never realized before how difficult it was to remove shoes, but she managed to pry them off with great effort. Next she unclasped her belt, dropping it on the ground with a thud. She supposed she should change into her night clothes, but she was finding the effort of changing to be a daunting task, and her bed looked so inviting.

The room around her was spinning. Rey closed her eyes and steadied herself against a wall, trying to make the spinning stop. In her state, she didn’t notice the sound around her dampening. She didn’t recognize the familiar pull of the bond, so when she finally opened her eyes again, she couldn’t stop the squeak of surprise that escaped her lips when she registered Kylo standing before her. He looked around curiously, and then his eyes landed on her with a bemused expression.

“Is this your room?” he asked.  
“You can see my room!?” Rey replied, her words slurred. She pushed off from the wall and immediately stumbled as she made her way toward him.

Kylo gave her an incredulous look, a smile playing at his lips. “Are you drunk?”

“Psh! No! I’m just… inebriated. A little.”

“Rey, that’s the same thing, “Kylo replied, struggling to keep his face from breaking into a grin. He hadn’t smiled in ages, and the temptation to do so felt strange. “And you seem to be far past _‘a little’_.”

“How come you can see my room this time?” Rey asked, deflecting his accusation.

Kylo shrugged. “I know as much about the bond as you do.”

Rey took another couple steps toward him, but she couldn’t make her legs work properly. She stumbled again and fell into the wall. Kylo moved swiftly, and was at her side before she even had the chance to steady herself. She looked up at him through her blurry vision, and he hesitated.

“Do you… need help?” he asked tentatively.

“I’m fine! Really!” Rey placed both hands on the wall and pushed herself away from it, managing to straighten up and face him properly. She could see him fighting a smile, and she couldn’t help but hope his resolve would crack. She had never seen him smile, and as she studied the curvature of his mouth, she was certain his would be a very attractive one.

She snapped out of her thoughts with a jolt, and a blush crept into her cheeks. She took a step backwards, but tripped over her own feet and began to fall. She reached her arms out to grab onto something, anything to catch herself, but it was Kylo who caught her instead. His arms wrapped around her, strong and sturdy, and for the briefest moment he merely held her. Their eyes met, and something strange stirred inside of her. But before she could place it, he had pulled her upright and back onto her feet. He kept a hand on her shoulder to steady her, but he was guarded and she wasn’t sure what had triggered the sudden change.

“Let’s get you to bed, before you hurt yourself,” he said, averting his eyes from her face. He didn’t wait for an answer, and led her over to her bed. She didn’t object, but she felt a sudden pang of regret that whatever had just passed between them was now gone.

With Kylo’s help, Rey crawled into her bed. He pulled the blankets up over her, standing awkwardly next to her bed as he waited for her to settle. Rey looked up at him; he was still avoiding her gaze.

“Ben?” she murmured, sleep threatening to overtake her.

“Yeah?”

“I missed you.”

Kylo was completely thrown by her words. He looked over at her, his heart pounding. Her eyes were closed, but she had a small smile on her lips. He felt like the air had just been sucked out of his lungs, and he took a shuddering breath to calm himself. He reached down and tucked the blanket in around her, and her smile grew. He wanted to tell her that he had missed her too, but before he could muster the courage, he realized that she was already asleep. He closed his eyes, letting out a soft sigh.

“Goodnight Rey.”


	5. Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and her friends suffer the after effects of their night of drinking; Kylo Ren receives news that triggers some deeply repressed memories and sends him spiralling deeper into his depression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another song to set the mood, if you are interested: 
> 
> Rival by Ruelle (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o87vay63FZ0&index=6&list=PLjnoH4MjvgW-wuYgz565jHKSIXCC2eSEG)

Rey woke up the next morning with a groan. Her head felt heavy, her stomach was churning, and she could barely recall how she had gotten back to her room. She remembered laughing a lot, and stumbling into pretty much everything, but she was finding it difficult to remember anything with clarity. She sat up and pressed her palms into her temples to try and suppress the pounding in her head. Slowly her room came into sharper focus around her, and memories of the previous night came crawling back. She gingerly crawled out of bed, trying not to move too quickly. She grabbed a change of clothes and a towel, then made her way out the door towards the showers.

As she stepped under the hot water, she let out a groan. The water and the steam invigorated her, and after a few minutes she was already feeling much better. As she washed her hair, she tried to run through the events of the night. She remembered telling Rose about the Force bond, and she remembered learning to play a card game that she had never heard of before. She couldn’t recall the name of it, but she remembered being awful at it regardless. All of a sudden she had a memory of dark eyes, and strong arms around her. She remembered talking to Ben, though she couldn’t quite recall what they spoke about, but she remembered with perfect clarity the way she had felt when he had held her. She felt the same twisting knot in her stomach now as she thought back on the brief moment they had shared between them.

Rey frowned, her head swimming with the memory. She let the water wash over her as she tried to decipher what that feeling had meant, and what it meant now. With a frustrated sigh, she turned off the water and toweled herself dry. She got dressed and gathered her things, heading back to her room. She had been so lost in thought that when she suddenly heard her name she jumped, looking around for the source. She spotted Poe; he had stopped just short of walking into her. He was holding a cup of what looked like coffee and was wearing an amused smirk.

“After last night I thought you could use this… but now I think you might need something stronger,” he said with a laugh.

“Oh! Sorry Poe, I didn’t see you there. Thanks for the coffee, I could definitely use it. Just let me drop off my things, and I’ll join you.”

“Sure, but… your room is about three doors back that way,” Poe replied, gesturing back down the hall with his free hand.

Rey turned to look and realized that she had walked right past her bunk without noticing. She glanced back at Poe with a sheepish grin. “I guess I’m more out of it than I thought. I’ll be right back.” She quickly backtracked and entered her room, dumping her towel and dirty clothes on the floor to deal with later. She rejoined Poe, taking the steaming cup with a grateful nod.

“How was the rest of your night?” she asked as they headed towards the mess hall.

A slight blush crept across his cheeks and he smirked. “Pretty good actually. Connix and I played a few more hands after you left, but she started passing out too. So I woke Finn up and walked him back to his bunk so she and Rose could sleep without snoring boys bothering them.”

Rey couldn’t help but smirk, and gave him a sideways glance. “That was thoughtful of you. I’m sure Finn appreciated the assistance as well.”

Poe’s smirk turned to a grin, and he shrugged. “He must have. When I dropped him off, he gave me a hug and said I smelled nice. He’s an adorable drunk.”

“And the two of you are adorably perfect,” Rey said, beaming at her friend. “How you aren’t a couple already is beyond me.”

He coughed suddenly, caught off guard by her blunt comment, but he seemed pleased nonetheless. As they entered the mess hall, they spotted Rose and Connix sitting together at a table. Connix waved them over with a bright smile, and Rey had to marvel at how energetic she seemed despite the amount she had drunk the previous night. Rose however looked worse for wear. Her head was resting on the table, and the plate of food before her was untouched. She looked up at Rey and Poe as they joined them and gave an incoherent grunt in greeting.

“Good morning ladies,” Poe said as she sat down next to Connix. “I’m glad to see at least one of you survived the night.”

Rey laughed and sat across from Poe, rubbing Rose’s back gently. Rose scooted closer to Rey and leaned heavily on her friend, letting out a pitiful little whimper.

“Have you tried a hot shower? That helped me a lot,” Rey suggested wrapping her arms around Rose’s tiny frame.

“Mostly… I just want to die. But maybe I’ll try that once I am able to stand up again,” she replied meekly.

“I practically had to carry her here,” Connix said, chuckling. “She wanted to stay in bed, but I insisted that some food would help.”

“She’s right you know. Get some breakfast in you and I promise you’ll feel better in no time,” Poe agreed.

With great effort, Rose pulled away from Rey and sat up as best she could, wearing a pained expression. She grabbed her fork and slowly started picking at her food. Just then Finn came shuffling over to their table and plunked down next to Poe. He didn’t look as ill as Rose, but Rey could tell by the way he winced at the harsh light in the mess hall that his head was pounding. Poe inched closer to Finn and gave him a little nudge, pushing a cup of coffee towards him.

“I figured you might want this,” he said with an affectionate smile.

Finn returned the smile, looking down at the cup and taking it gratefully. Rey grinned at the pair of them; she couldn’t help it. She loved her friends dearly, and it made her heart swell to see them happy. However she couldn’t fight back the twinge of envy that festered in her heart. Finn and Poe were so natural and easy together, and she wished she could have that too. Not that love was her first priority exactly, but it would be nice to have.

As she contemplated this, Kylo’s face suddenly came to mind and she nearly dropped her cup. She remembered the way he fought the smile that had tugged at the corner of his lips the night before, and how in that moment she couldn’t take her eyes off of his mouth. Had he noticed? Rey’s cheeks turned red, and she quickly hid her face by gulping down the rest of her coffee. She choked on it, and began coughing. Her friends all looked at her curiously.

“Sorry! I just… I’m fine,” she said through her coughs.

“Are you sure the shower helped sober you up?” Connix joked, smirking at Rey.

Rey looked between Connix and Poe, both of whom were looking at her with amusement. “How are you two perfectly fine when the rest of us feel like garbage?”

Rose and Finn murmured their agreement, both of them pouting out of envy for their friends’ superior constitution. Poe and Connix just laugh, and returned to their food.

Several systems away Kylo was still in bed, staring up at the ceiling in a stupor. The bond had disappeared not long after Rey had fallen asleep, but he had spent the whole night awake, dwelling on their brief encounter. She had told him that she had missed him. Had she meant it, or was it just the alcohol? His mind kept returning to the moment he had caught her as she fell. They had touched before of course, but he had never held her is such a way. The memory of it and of the way she had looked at him then stirred a fire inside of him, and it was terrifying.

He knew he should get up and start his day, but he couldn’t will himself to get out of bed. Instead he rolled over into his side. His eyes fell on two scraps of fabric sitting on his nightstand; the fabric that Rey had wrapped his hands with. He reached out and grabbed them, rubbing the fabric between his thumb and fingers. He wasn’t quite sure why he had held on to the bloodstained pieces of fabric, but he found that having them brought him some small comfort. It baffled him how the mere thought of Rey could make him ache so bad, yet also bring him a sense of calm.

A knock at the door brought him out of his stupor, and he let out a heavy sigh. “What?” He demanded, reluctantly sitting up and swinging his legs over the mattress.

“Supreme Leader, General Hux has sent me to check on you. He says you were supposed to meet him twenty minutes ago,” a timid voice called, its owner clearly spooked by the dangerous tone with which she was greeted.

Kylo swore; he had completely forgotten. “Tell him I will be there shortly,” he called back, dragging himself out of bed.

“Yes sir!” he could hear her turn and scurry down the hall, wanting to get away from him before he lost his temper and took it out on her. Not that he could really blame her; it wouldn’t be the first time it had happened.

Kylo dressed quickly, not wanting to keep Hux waiting. He didn’t particularly care if he wasted Hux’s time, but he was in no mood to listen to the man’s not-so-subtle jabs. Once he was ready he started for the door, but stopped in his tracks before he reached it. He was still hanging on to the fabric scraps from Rey’s clothing and hadn’t even realized it. Growling in frustration at his own weakness, he made to return the scraps to their place on his bedside table, but then in a sudden change of heart he tucked them into his pocket instead. He hated himself for being so sentimental, but he figured clinging to this small token of Rey’s would be better than spending the next hour pretending to listen to Hux and daydreaming about when he’d see her next.

Hux was seated at the head of the table in one of the smaller meeting rooms, lounging back in the chair and looking bored. He barely looked up when Kylo entered the room, greeting his superior with a half-hearted nod. Kylo was in no mood to play games, and decided the man wasn’t worth his anger today. But he couldn’t help but remain standing, letting his imposing presence cast a shadow over the General.

“So nice of you to join me, Supreme Leader,” Hux said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Thank you for waiting, _General_ ,” Kylo replied with equal sarcasm, emphasizing his lower rank to make a point.

Hux smirked, readjusting in his chair to sit more straight-backed. They had known and hated each other for long enough now that the red-head always knew when he was starting to get under his rival’s skin, and these days it was so easy. The only thing that truly stopped Kylo from lashing out at him was the fact that General Hux controlled their military force, and they were irritatingly loyal to him. It would only take one mistake, one instance of losing his temper for Hux to turn over half of the First Order against their new Supreme Leader.

Kylo glared down at him, arms crossed. “You had something you wished to discuss?”

“Yes. As you know, the attacks on our occupying troops have greatly increased over the past couple of months, and we have been struggling to contain the situation. I have thought of a solution.”

“And what do you propose?”

Hux smirked again, his eyes gleaming darkly. “I have ordered troops to gather intel on the rebels who are resisting us on Onderon. We have discovered many of their identities, and have used it to locate their homes and families. These rebel scum might not care about sacrificing their own lives, but once we come for their children, they might sing a different tune.”

Kylo’s blood ran cold. “What do you intend to do with these children?”

“Send them to train as troopers, of course. The rebels won’t turn their weapons on us when they see their own sons and daughters fighting on our side.”

He wasn’t sure what exactly made him so uneasy. Kylo had ordered entire villages to be killed before, and he had seen children ripped away from their parents to train as troopers many times. But something had changed in him. He thought of Rey, and without thinking he plunged his hand into his pocket and squeezed the fabric scraps between his fingers. She would have been outraged at Hux’s suggestion.

Memories came flooding into his mind; he saw Rey as a child, small and frightened, begging for her parents to come back to her. A memory he had invaded when he had looked into her mind. But he also saw himself, a skinny, weak little boy shaking with sobs as he watched his parents leave him behind. He could remember the fear in their eyes as they realized the strength of the Force within him, and the name _Vader_ whispered between them when they thought he couldn’t hear. He hadn’t known about his grandfather then; it was Snoke who had filled in those gaps and given him the answers his parents should have provided.

Suddenly he was that little boy again, and it took all of his strength not to break down where he stood. His fingers closed so tightly around his small piece of Rey that he could feel his fingernails cut into the flesh of his palm, fresh blood seeping into the fabric enclosed within his fist.

Hux looked at him expectantly, that same irritating smirk plastered across his face. He could sense the conflict, the weakness inside his superior, and he relished in it. “With your permission then, _Supreme Leader_ , I will order the troops to strike. I imagine once we snatch the children of a half-dozen rebel forces, the rest of them will vanish back into the dirt where they belong.”

Kylo wanted to scream. He wanted to unleash his rage and destroy everything before him, particularly the arrogant man smirking up at him triumphantly. He couldn’t allow this plan to happen. Rey would never accept him if he did, and he wasn’t sure he could accept himself either. Yet if he refused, Hux would have his opening. He could see it now; being labeled a traitor, a sympathizer of the Resistance. Even if he managed to fight his way off the ship, he would be hunted with more ruthless vigor than even the Resistance. Hux would not rest until Kylo’s blood was on his hands. And where could he hide? He had no allies, no friends. _‘Wrong,’_ he thought. _‘You have Rey.’_ But even then, he wasn’t sure he did.

“For once General, you have had a stroke of genius,” Kylo started, choosing his words carefully. “But I would like to inform the other officers of this plan and hear their opinions before we execute it. If this goes wrong, we could find ourselves faced with even more support for the Resistance, and lose control entirely. We cannot afford any mistakes.”

Hux narrowed his eyes suspiciously. The two men stared at each other for a long moment, and Kylo knew that Hux was looking for cracks in his façade. But he stood tall, his grip on the torn pieces of fabric grounding him and helping him maintain a stony exterior. He thought of nothing but Rey, from the blinding force of the light within her, to the gentle freckles that graced her face. Finally, to his great relief, Hux nodded.

“Yes sir. I shall arrange a meeting,” he said, getting to his feet, his eyes still fixed suspiciously on Kylo.

“Good. Is that all?”

“Yes sir.”

Kylo turned without another word and marched out of the meeting room. The hand in his pocket was slick with blood, but he didn’t dare ease the pressure of his clenched fist. He was too close to losing control, and the pain helped him focus. He headed directly for his bedroom, desperate to escape from the prying eyes that followed him as she stormed down the halls. He entered his room and slammed his hand down on the keypad next to the door to lock it. The moment he heard the locks set, he grabbed his lightsaber and ignited it, lashing out at everything in his path. He screamed and screamed, consumed by rage and fear, until his voice was hoarse and his throat burned.

After a few minutes of blind release, he flicked his saber off and fell to his knees panting. He looked around at the destruction he had caused as he fought to stop his body from trembling. He was the cause of so much destruction, so much suffering, and he had no one to blame but himself.


	6. The Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo spirals deeper into his depression and struggles with his duality and self-hatred.

Two days had passed, and Kylo had spent each minute of them in agony. He had willed the Force bond to connect him to Rey, but he could no more control it now than he could before. He didn’t even know what he would say to her if they did connect; he doubted she could do anything to help the rebels on Onderon, and he didn’t think he could do anything to stop it either. He had pondered his choices many times. He could either agree to Hux’s plan, or he could refuse and have Hux turn on him, executing the plan anyway. As helpless as he felt, he needed Rey to know that he did not want it to happen. He was running out of time though. The officers were scheduled to meet the next day, and he was no closer to a decision than he had been two days prior. 

He had shut himself up in his room, living among the shambles of his destroyed furniture. He had barely eaten, barely slept. All he could do was yearn for Rey. He wasn’t even entirely sure why he did, but the thought of her was the only thing that kept him sane when he felt like he was drowning. In his isolation, Kylo couldn’t stop the memories from flooding back in. memories of his parents and how they gave him up out of fear, memories of Luke and how he had let his fear lead him to try and kill his nephew, memories of all the horrible things he had done on his journey to find himself. But most of all, memories of Snoke. Every time his master had berated and belittled him, called him weak and pathetic. Every time he had tortured him, both physically and mentally. Everything he had tried so hard to suppress came crashing back into his consciousness and he could not escape it. 

Kylo lay on his bed running the fabric from Rey through his fingers over and over again. It was all he had of her, and it had become something of a safety blanket. Every time he felt the air escape his lungs and his heart scream in agony, the feel of the fabric between his fingers grounded him. The ragged, stained strips of fabric had rarely left his hands since his talk with Hux. He had been so focused on the sensation, he almost didn’t notice the familiar silence of the Force bond taking effect. He shot up out of his bed, spotting her instantly. She was standing a few feet away, frozen mid-stride and gazing around at his room with a concerned frown. He couldn’t see her surroundings this time, but she could obviously see his. 

“Ben… is this your room? What happened here?” she asked, fixing her eyes on him. 

He took a few steps toward her, his breath shaky and irregular. “Rey…” he choked, struggling to speak through the rising anxiety within him. 

She knew immediately that something was wrong, and she swiftly closed the distance between them. Her eyes fell on the scraps of fabric in his hands and the angry, red welts on his palms from his fingernails. She could see that he was shaking, and an unexpected panic rose up inside her. “What happened? Are you okay?”  
“I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to do this anymore, I can’t…. I can’t…” he stuttered, shaking uncontrollably. 

Rey reached up and gently placed her hands on his shoulders, trying to calm him. His legs gave out beneath him and he collapsed to the floor, and she knew that he was far from okay. She knelt next to him and gingerly took his hands in hers, gently rubbing her thumbs over his aching, wounded skin. “Ben, look at me.”

He obeyed, and immediately the encroaching panic began to waver. She was visibly worried, scared even, and more for her sake than his he took a few deep breaths and let her calming presence wash over him. 

“Tell me what happened.”

Kylo didn’t respond immediately. He was staring at her intensely, as if she were his only salvation, but Rey didn’t pry further. She merely locked her eyes on his and waited. After a couple of minutes he felt calmer, more in control. He took another deep breath, and then told her everything. Hux’s plan, the endless assault of horrible memories that had been plaguing him since, the panic attacks they had caused. He had surprised even himself with his honesty, but he found it cathartic. As he spoke he felt a weight lift off of his chest, and slowly he found his strength again. 

Rey listened to every word with a furrowed brow. He had expected her at least to react to Hux’s plan, but she did not interrupt. She just listened. When he finished they fell into silence for a long while. He had assumed that she would pull away from him or call him weak or vile. But what she did next spoke louder than any words, and shattered his expectations entirely. Without warning, she reached out and pulled him into her, hugging him tightly. His body tensed, but slowly he wrapped his arms around her and relaxed into her embrace. He hadn’t been hugged in years, and he had not realized how much he had missed it until he felt the comforting warmth spread through every inch of him. 

“Ben… you are not alone. You don’t have to let all these things fester inside of you like this,” Rey said after a while, pulling away enough to catch his eye again. “I had no idea that Snoke had been so cruel… I always thought that you had joined him willingly.”

Kylo pulled away from her, tensing slightly. “I did. I joined him willingly because I had nothing else, and he promised that I would have a place by his side. I did, technically, but I never really belonged. I was just a puppet. The cruelty started after I realized that.”

Rey bit her lip, tears stinging her eyes as her heart broke for him. Over their past few conversations she had guessed that there was deeper trauma within him than she had seen before, but she had no idea it had been so bad. How could anyone blame him for falling so far into darkness when it was all he knew? Yet the light was still there inside him. It was fragile and small, but it was there, and now that his walls had been shattered she knew there was hope. She knew she had to choose her words carefully. The last time he had been so vulnerable with her, she had misteped and caused him to slide back into the comfort and familiarity of the darkness. If she took another wrong step, she would likely lose him forever.

“What do you think you should do about Hux?” she asked tentatively.

“I think I should choke the life out of him and every single officer who agrees to his plan.” 

Anger. Violence. The result of his fear, not his true nature. Rey fought back the retort that jumped to her mind, and again chose her words carefully. “Okay, I understand that urge, but in this case I don’t think that’s a viable option. As you said, you have two choices. Keep up the image of who you are now and agree to his plan, or refuse to allow it and have him turn on you. Either way, you think his plan will happen?” 

“Yeah. There are troopers just waiting for the go-ahead and I have no doubt that they would act even if I killed him. He controls the entire military force of the First Order.”

“So you think you should agree?” 

Kylo grimaced and looked away from her, not wanting to see the look in her eyes at his answer. “Yes. I don’t think I have a choice.”

“Unfortunately… I agree.”

Kylo’s eyes snapped back to hers and he gaped at her. 

“Not that I condone the plan itself, but I don’t think even you could get off of that ship alive if the entire First Order turns on you. If you truly want out, we will find a way to do it in a way that won’t require you to fight your way out,” Rey continued, smiling slightly at his reaction. 

“But… I can’t just let them steal and brainwash people’s children,” Kylo replied. _‘The galaxy doesn’t need more people like me,'_ he added silently.

“You won’t. Agree to his plan. Make him believe you think it’s brilliant. In the meantime, I will talk to the General and tell her she needs to contact the rebels on Onderon and advise them to relocate themselves and their families. In fact, it would probably be wise to contact rebels on several different planets and have them do the same, so it’s less suspicious. Then when Hux’s men go in to execute their orders and fail, you can act surprised and angry that they failed.”

Kylo frowned at her. “You are assuming I can act at all. What makes you think Hux won’t see right through me?”

“You fooled Snoke the day you killed him, didn’t you? He had no idea.”

“Yeah, but that wasn’t something I had planned ahead of time, that was just… a decision I made in the moment.”

Rey studied him for a moment, biting her lip. Finally she asked the question she had been burning to know the answer to. “Why did you save me?” 

Kylo swallowed hard, averting her gaze. “I couldn’t stand to watch him torture you. I knew the pain all too well, and I was… afraid. I didn’t want you to end up like me,” he said meekly. “But when he commanded me to kill you, something in me snapped I guess. I realized in that moment that we were bonded long before Snoke interfered, and I knew that I could never live with myself if I had followed his orders. It would have destroyed me.” 

They fell into silence, both of them trying to hide the blush that creeped across their faces. Rey was constantly surprised by his honesty, and this time was certainly no exception. That strange knot that had twisted in her stomach before now seemed to have a stranglehold on her entire body, and she let out a slow breath to try and suppress it. 

“So… do you think… this plan will work?” Rey finally said, trying to deflect the awkward silence. 

Kylo nodded, visibly grateful for the change of topic. He had gotten more comfortable being vulnerable around her, but somehow this felt deeper, more raw. He still couldn’t make sense of the way he felt around her, and he was more terrified of letting her see that than he was about letting her know his demons. 

“It’s risky, and I don’t know if Hux will believe it for a second. But unless he has solid proof against me he won’t do anything. Even with the military in his pocket, if he tries to overthrow me without reason, the whole Order will turn on him instead.” 

Rey breathed a sigh of relief. “Good, that’s settled then. I will go and talk to Leia as soon as we… disconnect.”

“Wait… Leia? My… my mother?” Kylo asked, his voice wavering slightly. 

“Yes… who did you think I meant?” 

“I… I thought she... “ he trailed off, remembering the attack on the Resistance fleet. He had seen the bridge take a direct hit, and he had felt it as her energy faded from the Force. How had he not noticed she had survived? How had he not felt her?

“Ben?” Rey prodded, concerned. 

“She’s alive?” he responded with a whisper. 

“Yes… I wasn’t there obviously so I don’t know all the details, but she got blown into space during the attack on the fleet. Apparently she used the Force to pull herself back on to the ship, but she was in critical condition for a while afterwards. She had recovered by the time they landed on Crait though.” 

“She was there?” Kylo was furious with himself for not sensing her. But of course he wouldn’t have; he had been so focused on destroying Luke that he hadn’t registered anything else. He had let his rage and hate blind him. 

He felt an overwhelming rush of relief, and to his surprise, joy. His mother was still out there somewhere, and even though he was a monster to her now, he couldn’t suppress the longing he felt for her. 

“Can you tell her... “ he froze. What did he want to tell her? He missed her? He loved her? He was sorry? None of these things would ever heal the wounds that he had dealt her. “Tell her… I say hi. I guess. Actually, don’t, Just… nevermind.” 

Rey had to bite her lip to stop the laugh that jumped to her throat. Here he was, Supreme Leader of the First Order, powerful Force wielder, the most feared man in the galaxy, and he was afraid of his mother. 

“Rey?” 

She looked up to see him staring at her with a strange expression. His features were soft, and he seemed to be considering her with some kind of admiration. 

“Thank you.”

It was unusual to hear those words from him, but she knew they were heartfelt. He trusted her again, and this time she would not let him down. 

“Any time Ben.”


	7. Truth and Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey reveals her secret to Leia and they make plans to save the Onderon Rebels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In honour of International Fanworks Day, I am posting TWO chapters! I hope you enjoy them ^_^

As soon as the Force bond had faded, Rey bolted from her room in search of Leia. She hadn’t seen the General in ages, so she wasn’t quite sure where to look first. She ran towards the main war room, dodging officers as she went, but Leia was nowhere to be seen. She asked a few people if they had seen her, and Rey was pointed in the direction of a small meeting room down the hall which she often used as a sort of office. She ran down the hall and pounded on the door. 

“General, are you in there? I need to speak with you, it’s urgent!” 

After a moment the door opened, and Leia stood before her holding a datapad and looking rather amused. Rey had forgotten just how grand the woman was, and her frantic shouting was immediately quelled in her presence. 

“It must be, with the racket you are making,” Leia said with a smirk. “Come in then.”

Rey followed her back into the room, sitting when Leia gestured to a nearby chair. The General sat across from her, laying the datapad aside and folding her hands gracefully on the table. Rey took a moment to study her face, finding Ben’s features in some of her own. This made her blush, and she averted her eyes to push the thoughts from her mind. Leia raised an eyebrow at her odd behaviour, but said nothing of it. 

“So, what is so urgent?” Leia asked, prompting Rey to speak. 

“Right! Um…” Rey paused. She hadn’t actually thought about what she was going to tell Leia when she found her. In order for her to relay the plot against the rebels of Onderon, she first had to explain that she had been talking to Kylo. Her son was not an easy topic to breach. 

“Well, I uh...:” 

“Rey, as much as I enjoy your company, and would love nothing more than to sit and listen to you stutter all day, I do have things to do,” Leia said. A smile tugged at her lips; she was clearly amused.

Rey took a deep breath, and decided to launch straight into the truth. “I have been… communicating with Ben. We have this… Force bond that connects us, and we can see and talk to each other.” She paused, letting this information register before she continued. 

The smirk faded from Leia’s face, and is replaced with a look of shock. She stares at Rey for a moment, then leaned forward slightly as if eager to hear more. “How long has this been happening?”

“Well… the connection started when I was on Ahch-To, but we both believe the bond started before that. When we captured me on Takodana he… pushed into my mind, trying to force me to give him the map to Luke. But I pushed back, got into his mind too. I’m pretty sure that’s when it happened.”

Leia scrutinized her carefully, then nodded. Rey knew she had sensed the truth of her words; despite her lack of training, Leia was remarkably strong in the Force and had an uncanny knack for simply knowing things. She gestured for Rey to continue, remaining silent. 

“Well when we first started communicating, he started telling me about his past. I started to understand how he ended up the way he is, and I realized just how lonely he is. That there was still good in him. And I think… I know that he saw how lonely I was too. We realized that we weren’t all that different, really. So I went to him. I thought I could bring him back to the light.”

At this Leia held up her hand to stop Rey. “What do you mean, you went to him? When was this?” 

“When the Resistance fleet was being attacked by the Supremacy. Ben brought me to the throne room and Snoke tortured me. But when he ordered Ben to kill me, he killed Snoke instead. He saved my life. Together we fought Snoke’s guards. But in the end, we… misunderstood each other and it all fell apart.” 

“How did you misunderstand?” 

“He asked me to join him by his side, and I refused. I was scared, I thought he had just been manipulating me, so I tried to grab my saber and run, but he thought I was attacking him and we both tried to pull the saber… then it exploded. That’s how it broke. He was knocked out, so I grabbed the pieces and fled.”

Leia looked pained, but she gestured for Rey to continue, obviously wanting to know every detail. 

“We didn’t see each other for months after we escaped from Crait. Only recently did the connection start again. At first we mostly just argued… but then we actually started talking and… well I know he can be saved. I’ve seen the light in him, and I know who he truly is. I know Ben, not Kylo Ren, and I know he is trying to find his way back.”

A tear fell down Leia’s cheek, and she nodded. She stared at her neatly folded hands for a long while before she could bring herself to speak. “Thank you for telling me this, Rey. On Crait, Luke had tried to tell me there was hope yet, but I struggled to believe it. Now I am certain that my son still lives. Thank you for finding him, and thank you for loving him.” 

The colour drained from Rey’s face, and her heart skipped a beat. “Wait.. no! I don’t… that’s not… no! We are just… friends! Sort of… but I don’t... “ 

Leia raised her eyebrow at the stammering girl before her; Rey’s reaction had been all the confirmation she had needed, even without the Force confirming the truth of it. 

“Well, that is for you to figure out I suppose. At the very least, I think you can agree that you care about him enough to keep fighting for him.” 

Rey blushed furiously and fell silent and did not reply. 

“Was there anything else?” Leia asked, fighting a laugh. 

“Oh! Yes!” Rey exclaimed, remembering why she was there in the first place. “Ben told me that General Hux has formed a plan to abduct the children of the rebels on Onderon. I guess they have discovered their identities and are doing it to try and stop the attacks of the First Order troops stationed there. Ben… is sort of in danger at the moment. He doesn’t want to agree to the plan, but if he refuses to allow it, he is certain that Hux will brand him a traitor and the whole Order would turn on him. That’s why I wanted to talk to you; we need to tell the rebels to relocate.” 

Leia gave Rey a hard look as she took in her words. “Ben told you all this? You’re sure it’s not a trap or a lie?” 

“Yes. He… was a mess. He still is really. He is struggling with the light and the dark inside him and it’s wreaking havoc on him. You should have seen him… I have never seen anyone so broken. But he kept insisting that he didn’t want those children to be taken, and I believe him.”

“In that case, we need to get a message to Onderon immediately so they can go into hiding,” Leia replied. She was struggling to keep her composure; Rey could tell that the news of just how broken her son was had devastated her. 

“I also thought it might be a good idea to have rebel groups on other planets relocate as well. That way it will throw some of the suspicion off of Ben until we can think of a way to get him out of the First Order safely.”

Leia nodded, her face hardening with resolve. “Good idea Rey. I will see to it immediately, unless there is anything else you needed to tell me?”

Rey hesitated, then a smile crept onto her face. “One last thing… Ben wanted me to tell you that he says hi.” 

Leia gave her an incredulous look, and Rey couldn’t help but laugh. “I think he wanted to say that he misses you, but… well. He’s an idiot. He actually didn’t even want me to tell you he said hi, but I figured you’d like to know that he was thinking of you.”

Leia stood and walked over to Rey, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I’m glad you told me. The next time you talk to him… tell him I say hi back.” 

Rey grinned at the General, who smiled warmly back at her before turning leaving the room. 

XXXXX

The next couple of days passed and Kylo had not seen any sign of Rey since she had discovered him in the midst of a breakdown. His meeting with the officers had gone well enough; he had heartily agreed to Hux’s plan and his feigned enthusiasm seemed to be believed. Even Hux seemed fooled, though Kylo attributed this to his thirst for power and cruelty. 

Kylo had no idea if the rebels had gotten out in time, as he had not yet heard from Rey, and the troops on Onderon had not yet reported back. All he could do was wait, and hope. He was constantly on edge, but after his complete meltdown and subsequent venting to Rey, he found he was having an easier time keeping control of his emotions. He supposed that after years and years of repressing his anger, hurt, and insecurities, letting it all explode out of him at once and letting someone he trusted see that vulnerable side of himself was exactly what he needed. He couldn’t help but feel slightly embarrassed though. Rey had now seen him at his most vile, his most vulnerable, and his most unstable. He wished she could see something more appealing, instead of all the worst and broken parts of himself. 

He had gone to the bridge to check in on the crew when he received a message from Hux, calling an emergency meeting. This was it. Hux’s plan was either successful and he and Rey had failed, or he was about to test his acting skills. 

Kylo made his way to the meeting room, setting his face into a steely look of indifference. There were several officers there already, and they chattered curiously. Hux entered shortly after Kylo took his seat at the head of the table, looking murderous. _‘She did it,’_ Kylo thought immediately, resisting the urge to smirk in triumph. 

When everyone had arrived, Hux jumped into a tirade. “ _Someone_ tipped off the rebel scum! The troops on Onderon have just reported in and informed me that they have relocated and are nowhere to be found!” he shouted, slamming his fist on the table. His eyes were wild and blazing. “Furthermore, I have been receiving similar reports from other planets. _They knew!_ ”

Hux turned his furious gaze to Kylo, suspicion etched into every line of his face. This was his chance. Kylo narrowed his eyes, summoning the rage that constantly simmered beneath the surface of his existence. 

“Once again, _General_ , your incompetence has astounded me. This was our chance to show the rebels that we will not hesitate to swat them down like flies, and you failed!” he said, venom dripping from every word. He realized that he didn’t need to pretend much; he loathed Hux so deeply that the anger came easily. 

“Me!? Someone warned the rebels!” Hux cried, losing his composure entirely.  
“Are you making an accusation hux? Because the only people who knew of this plan are sitting in this room. Are you suggesting someone here tipped off the rebels without anyone noticing?” Kylo said, daring him to point a finger. 

The other officers muttered amongst themselves. They appeared to have brushed of Hux’s accusations as paranoia, and Kylo had to bite the inside of his lip to prevent himself from smirking. Hux looked around the room fuming before his eyes landed back on Kylo. It was clear that Hux was positive that his superior had been the one to tip off the rebels, but he had no way to prove it and it. He was positively seething, but he was a smart man. He knew when to back down. 

Hux took a breath and forced himself to regain his composure. “The transmission must have been intercepted,” he said through gritted teeth. “Of course I will not accuse anyone here. It was… a mistake.”

Everyone in the room nodded in agreement, content to believe the transmission had merely been intercepted and it there was little blame to be had. It was a failed mission, but there was no real loss. As the officers began filtering out, Hux paused for a moment and fixed his glare on Kylo. He said nothing, but his expression spoke volumes. _I know it was you. I will best you yet. Watch your back_. 

Kylo held his gaze, challenging him to speak the words that he clearly longed to say. But Hux merely pursed his lips, and exited the room. Kylo released a tense breath, hardly daring to believe that Rey’s plan had worked. They really did make an excellent team.


	8. The Pull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After days of no connection, Ben and Rey finally meet again. Their bond grows stronger, and they finally start to understand why they are so drawn to one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another song for you :3 
> 
> Breathe by Adventure Club - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d039nltHPTc

Reports had come back to the Resistance of the rebel’s success in relocating, causing celebration to break out through the base. Leia had refused to share how she had learned of the plot, but nobody seemed to mind much when the abandoned homes of the rebel forces were invaded and they realized her intel had been correct. Rey could not bring herself to join in on the celebrating though. Almost a week had passed since she had seen Kylo last, and she was growing increasingly anxious for him. Surely if the First Order had turned on their Supreme Leader they would have heard about, but as the days passed she became less sure.

Her friends were growing concerned at her melancholy. She had confided everything in Rose, but Rey was not yet ready to tell Poe or Finn about Kylo and the Force bond. She had been lucky that Rose had been so understanding and supportive, and she wasn’t certain she would be that lucky with her other friends. Finn in particular had worked with Kylo Ren, and he had seen first hand the terrible things he had done. So she had sworn Rose to secrecy, and her friend had reluctantly agreed.

After several days of hearing nothing, she was starting to go stir-crazy. She needed a change of scenery, something new to concentrate on. Unfortunately there wasn’t much around the base that she hadn’t already explored, but she figured she should be safe enough to venture into the badlands, as long as she stuck close by. So one morning she rose early, stuffing her bag with some food, a canteen of water, and the broken halves of Luke’s lightsaber, then set out into the dawn.

She set out with no particular destination, walking further and further until the base was but a speck on the horizon behind her. After a while she supposed she ought to stop; she didn’t want to lose track of the base and end up stranded in the wilderness. She stopped and looked around at her surroundings, looking for a place to settle. The area was dry and spattered with yellowed grass, surrounded by large rocky hills. Feeling a rush of daring, she decided to climb a nearby hill to get a better view. The climb was not easy and she was forced to take her time, but as she reached the top she breathed a sigh of awe. She could see for miles in every direction; every grassy plane, every canyon, even splashes of green from the trees far off in the distance.

Rey moved towards the edge of the plateau, glancing down over the side of the cliff at the ground below before sitting near the edge. She rummaged through her bag and took out the broken lightsaber, turning each half over in her hands for a while as if it would mend itself through sheer force of will. With a sigh she placed the two halves in front of her, staring at them with growing annoyance.

As she contemplated the daunting task before her, the air began to thicken and the sounds of the planet around her were dulled. Rey looked around quickly, spotting Kylo standing behind her. He looked tired; there were dark circles under his eyes and he looked as if he hadn’t eaten or slept much, but he was alive. He gazed out at the scene before him, taking in the magnificence of the view which Rey realized he could see. She jumped to her feet and strode over to him with the intention of throwing her arms around him, But Leia’s words suddenly came back to her and she stopped short. _Thank you for finding him, and thank you for loving him._ She froze, resolutely telling herself that Leia was wrong.

Kylo gave her an inquisitive look, fighting his own urge to embrace her. He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the tension between them grow. It made him uneasy; something had changed between them and he couldn’t quite place it.

“Your plan worked,” he said, breaking the silence.

Rey nodded. “Thank goodness.” She studied him for a moment, letting herself get lost in his dark, penetrating gaze. “I’m glad you’re okay. I was… worried.”

A small, soft smile pulled at his lips. It was barely there, but it was a smile nonetheless, and she felt as if her whole body was melting at the sight of it. Her muscles burned with restraint as she fought the instinct to go to him, and she forced herself to turn her eyes away from him in order to resist. Kylo had felt the same pull, and he was finding it increasingly difficult to refrain from reaching out to her. He looked around again, looking for something else to focus on, and spotted a familiar lightsaber sitting where Rey had been moments before.

“Is that…” he started, gesturing towards it.

Rey followed his gaze, and then turned back to him with a slight frown, unsure how he was going to react. The last time he had seen the lightsaber, he had tried to take it from her.

“Luke’s lightsaber. I’ve been trying to fix it,” she replied cautiously.

Kylo moved past her and sat down next to it, picking up one of the pieces and studying it carefully. Rey hesitantly sat next to him, her curiosity besting her caution.

“This was actually my grandfather’s saber, you know,” he said after a while, his eyes fixed on the broken hilt.

“It was?”

“Mmhmm. Before he became Darth Vader.”

Rey was surprised, and she fell silent. She had no idea that the lightsaber belonged to such a legacy, or that it had once been in the possession of a fallen Jedi. She picked up the other half and turning it over in her hands, wondering how many innocent people it had cut down.

“So you weren’t lying before when you said it belonged to you,” Rey said, remembering the first time she had actually used the saber, the same day she had given him the scar across his face.

The memory of that day stirred in him too, and glanced over at her. “No. It was lost a long time ago, but somehow it found its way to you. It was never mine.”

Rey met his eyes, astonished. Kylo handed her the broken half he had been holding with a sense of finality, relinquishing his claim to the broken weapon. She reached out and touched his face, gently tracing the path of the scar she had given him. His eyes fluttered at her touch, but he did not look away. She wanted to apologise, wanted to let him know that she would never hurt him again, but the words wouldn’t come. But she didn’t need to say it out loud. He already knew.

Kylo reached up and placed his hand over hers for a moment, then reluctantly pulled away from her touch and let his hands fall into his lap. Rey took a shuddering breath, regretting the loss of whatever had just passed between them.

“W-well, regardless of whom it belongs to, it’s not of much use in its current state,” she said, trying to deflect the tension. “Like I said, I’ve been trying to fix it, but I have had no luck at all.”

“It can’t be fixed; at least, it can’t be what it was before. Even if you repaired the hilt, the crystal is broken and it would be dangerous to try and use it without proper ventilation. You either have to get a new crystal, or reform the hilt.”

Rey felt a surge of excitement at his words. She had been longing to ask him for assistance, and now he was offering advice freely and of his own accord. “Kyber crystals are rare though, aren’t they? Where would I even find one?”

“They are rare, and difficult to find. Honestly, you would be better off salvaging what you can from the existing hilt and reforming the saber into something new. But you’re good at that sort of thing, aren’t you? Scavenger?”

She narrowed her eyes at him defensively, but then she caught the mirth behind his expression and her face softened. He was teasing her. She found it odd to think that the powerful, intimidating man beside her was capable of making a joke. It brought her joy to know that they had reached a place where he felt comfortable enough to tease her like any of her other friends would. Rey reached out and gave him a playful shove on the arm, and she caught the hint of a smile creep back across his face. It made her heart flutter.

“So, how did Hux react when he realized his plan had failed?” she asked, setting the two halves of the lightsaber down in front of her.

“Exactly as I expected him to; he was ready to murder someone. I’m fairly certain he suspects I had something to do with it though, he just can’t prove it. I’ve been expecting a knife in my back ever since.”

“Are you in danger? Is there any way you can get yourself out of there?”

“I would probably be in more danger if I left, to be honest. Hux would not rest until he had found me and killed me, I can promise you that. Right now things are tense, but I still have some control and I can keep him in line.”

“I suppose it does help having someone on the inside,” Rey teased. “Oh, that reminds me, your mom asked me to tell you that she says hi back.”

Kylo looked shocked, and he gaped at Rey for a moment before speaking. “You told her? I… I told you to forget about it… what else did you tell her?”

“Yes I told her, because I thought she would like to hear it. I was right,” Rey replies with a smirk. “And I told her about our… bond. How we’ve been communicating. I couldn’t exactly tell her about Hux’s plan and not explain how I knew.”

“How… how did she react?”

Rey studied his features before answering. He looked anxious, but there was a small spark of hope in his tone. “She was happy. She thanked me for finding you, and for…” she paused, unable to bring herself to repeat Leia’s assumption. “And for fighting for you.”

Kylo nodded, and fell into silent contemplation. He had expected that his mother would hate him, that she would have scolded Rey for being reckless and advised her to find a way to break the bond. He never thought that she would actually be happy to know about the connection between himself and Rey. He wondered how the rest of the Resistance would have reacted. Was it truly not too late for him to find allies among them?

“Have you told anyone else?” he asked hesitantly.

“Just my friend Rose. I told her about the bond a while ago actually, around the time it started again. She was surprisingly supportive, though I think it has taken her a while to warm up to the idea that you aren’t just… Kylo Ren.”

He flinched as he spoke the name. He had gotten so used to her calling him Ben, and hearing her call him ‘Kylo Ren’ sounded unusual and wrong. He didn’t like it.

Kylo stood suddenly, walking a few paces away. Rey frowned in confusion, and got to her feet as well. “Are you okay?” she asked. He didn’t know how to reply. He stared out over the horizon silently, trying to understand why the sound of his chosen name on her lips felt like a stab to his chest, or why his heart pounded furiously every time she called him by his true name. She walked toward him, placing her hand on his shoulder. “Ben?”

There it was again. That one tiny syllable seemed so grand every time she spoke it.

He turned to face her, his features desperate and determined. “I want to see you,” he began.

Rey’s confusion grew at this statement, and she raised her eyebrow at him. He realized by her expression that he had not given context, and he tried again.

“I want to see you in person. I… want to be able to talk to you without fearing you will disappear at any moment. “

She was dumbstruck by his request, but it was not an unwelcome suggestion. Her heart leapt into her throat, and she found it suddenly difficult to swallow. “Okay,” she breathed, “But… how?”

Kylo let out a breath of relief, feeling elated that she had agreed without hesitation. He pondered for a moment, trying to think of somewhere they could meet safely. An idea struck him; it would likely be risky, but it was worth a shot. She was worth the risk. “Canto Bight.” 

“Wait… Canto Bight? Isn’t that rather… conspicuous?” Rey said hesitantly.

“Trust me, everyone in Canto Bight is far too focused on gambling, drinking, and shady dealings to notice either of us. The best place to truly blend in is within a crowd of hedonistic people; if you don’t have anything to offer, they won’t even realize you’re standing in front of them.”

“But… either one of us could be recognized.”

“Either one of us could be recognized no matter where we go. We will be harder to spot in a crowd. Besides, the First Order has lots of weapons dealers there, so that gives me an excuse to go. It would look very suspicious if I took off alone with no valid reason. If I arrange meetings with a few of them while I am there, it will look like I am running business as usual.”

Rey was unsure, but he made a good point about his cover story at the very least. She was certain she could convince Leia to let her go easy enough, but he would have a much harder time sneaking away from the First Order flagship without suspicion.

“I don’t know… it seems really risky,” she said, twisting the hem of her shirt in her hands.

Kylo watched her for a moment, sensing her uncertainty. Without thinking, he reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, trying to reassure her. She had not been expecting the gesture, but he noticed with elation that she leaned slightly into his touch as his fingers grazed her cheek.

“Do you trust me?” he asked, his voice barely audible.

Her eyes found his and she seemed to lose the ability to breathe. Then she nodded. “I trust you Ben.”

Kylo unconsciously took a step closer to her, unable to tear his eyes from hers. He let his hand fall to her shoulder, and gently grazed the bare skin of her arm with his fingers. She trembled at his touch, but did not pull away.

“Meet me in three days,” Kylo breathed, struggling to keep his mind clear.

“How will I find you?” Rey replied, mirroring his forward momentum and moving closer to him.

He smirked at her, full and genuine, and she felt her heart explode at the sight of it. “You’ll find me,” he said confidently.

Rey could feel an energy building between them, drawing them closer together. It was overwhelming, and she was finding it increasingly difficult to resist. His grip on her arm tightened slightly, and she could feel his hand shaking. He was nervous, and she realised that she was too. Her eyes slid closed and she took a steadying breath. She could feel heat radiating off of him, and she longed for it.

Without warning the air around her grew cold, and the sounds of the world around her came back into sharp relief. Her eyes snapped open and saw nothing but the view of the horizon, which seemed diminished in Ben’s absence. She released a shaky breath and wrapped her arms around herself in a vain attempt to stop herself from trembling.

Eventually she managed to regain some sense of composure, and she reluctantly accepted that whatever had just passed between them was lost, at least for now. But her mood was lifted as she began to plot her trip to Canto Bight. Soon she would see him again, and she wouldn’t have to dread his sudden disappearance. She felt knots twisting in her stomach at the thought. She had no idea what would happen when they finally saw each other again; she was both thrilled and terrified.

 _‘Three days,’_ she thought. _‘Just three more days.’_


	9. Bonded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey finally meet in person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A song for the latter half of the chapter ;) 
> 
> Love is a Battlefield (cover) by Sara Skinner - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3GEeNFqIck

As soon as Rey returned to the base she sought out leia. She was in the war room looking over some maps with Lieutenant Connix, and didn’t notice Rey stride up to them until Connix looked up and greeted her with a friendly wave. Rey greeted her in return, but swiftly turned her attention to Leia.

“General, may I speak with you privately for a moment?” she asked.

Leia studied the pleading look on her face, and knew instantly that it had something to do with her son. She looked momentarily panicked, but quickly suppressed it with practiced ease. 

“Of course Rey. If you’ll excuse me Lieutenant; I shouldn’t be long.”

Connix nodded, curiosity plain on her face. But she kept her mouth shut and reluctantly went back to her work. Leia led Rey down the hall to the same room they had spoken in before, and as soon as the door had shut she turned to face the younger woman.

“What happened? Did you hear from my son?” 

Rey nodded. “The plan worked, and he is safe. For now anyway.”

Leia breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed. “So what did you need to speak to me about then?” 

“I need to borrow a ship… I’ll be gone for a couple of days I think.”

Leia gave her an incredulous look and crossed her arms. “Whatever for? Where are you trying to go?”

Rey hesitated, twisting her hands together. “I… can’t tell you that.” 

The look the General gave her made her falter, but she was resolute. “I’m going to go see Ben, but I can’t betray his trust and risk anyone following me.”

“You’re going to go see him? Rey, do you have any idea how dangerous that could be? How can you be certain it isn’t a trap, or that the First Order won’t follow him to you?”

“I… trust him. I know it must be hard for you to do the same, but I know without a doubt that he would never hurt me. I just… I need to see him. In person.”

Leia frowned at her; her eyes seemed to penetrate into her mind much in the same way that Ben’s did. It was remarkable how similar he was to his mother. 

“Rey, I can’t just let you fly off to who knows where by yourself. You are the last hope for the Jedi, and we must keep you safe. I believe that you trust him and I don’t doubt your sincerity, but it is dangerous.”

“Leia, _please_. I need to see him,” Rey begged, grabbing Leia’s hands imploringly. 

“What if something happens to you and we have no way of finding out where you are?” Leia replies, her face softening at the desperation in the young Jedi’s face. 

“What if… what if I told you where I was meeting him? Would you promise to keep it a secret? That way if something goes wrong, you know where to find me, but nobody else will be able to track me. I’ve gotten through to him, but it will only take one mistake for him to disappear back into the darkness forever, and I can’t risk that. Will you promise me?” 

Leia pondered her silently, going over the many ways this plan could go wrong. But she knew without a doubt that Rey was the last beacon of hope for her son; the only person who could pull him back from the edge. She sighed heavily. “Alright. But if I don’t hear from you after two days, I am sending the entire Resistance fleet after you. Understood?” 

Rey’s face broke into a relieved grin, and she threw her arms around Leia gratefully. “Understood. Thank you Leia, I promise you won’t regret this.”

“Don’t make promises unless you are certain you can keep them. Trust me, it never ends well,” Leia said, unable to suppress a small chuckle.

After detailing the location of her rendezvous with Ben and discussing the details with Leia, Rey headed out to find her friends. She trusted Ben entirely, but that didn’t mean the trip wouldn't still be dangerous. It would only take one person recognizing either of them for everything to fall apart, and she refused to leave without a proper goodbye to the people she cared about most. Just in case. She found Finn first, almost running into him on her way to the mess hall. 

“Rey! How are you feeling?” he asked, linking his arm with hers.

“Fine?” she replied, confused. 

Finn laughed, pulling her back down the hallway towards the hangar. “Rose said you weren’t feeling well. Isn’t that why you’ve been practically non-existent the past few days? We were worried.” 

Rey reminded herself to thank Rose for covering for her, and she nodded at Finn. “Oh, right. Of course! I’m feeling much better, thanks!”

“Good, because I have some news for you,” Finn said, his eyes gleaming happily. He pulled her aside and leaned in close, lowering his voice so only she could hear. “Poe and I… well, we’re a couple. He told me how he felt about me a couple days ago and obviously I felt the same, so now it’s official!”

She couldn’t stop the squeal of delight that escaped her, and Finn grinned sheepishly at her reaction. “FINALLY. Finn, I am so happy for you both!”

“Finally? You make it sound like everyone knew but us.” 

“I hate to break it to you my friend, but we did,” Rey replied with a laugh. 

They set off down the hall, and Rey suddenly realized why he had directed her towards the hangar bay. That’s where Poe would be. She smiled to herself, glad that they had finally done something about their feelings. Her thoughts turned to Ben, and she couldn’t help but wonder if Leia’s assumption about her feelings for him were correct. She doubted her friends would be quite so thrilled for her if she had announced she was dating Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. A blush spread across her face and she pushed the thoughts aside as they entered the hangar and found Poe and Rose tinkering away at an X-Wing. 

Poe looked up as they approached, greeting Finn with a charming grin. Rose looked between the two of them with a smile; Rey could tell she was a little sad for herself, but otherwise she looked genuinely happy for them and Rey loved her all the more for it. Whoever won her heart would be very lucky indeed. 

“Did you tell her?” Poe said, approaching the two of them and squeezing Finn’s hand. 

“He did, and I am thrilled,” Rey replied, giving him a quick hug. 

She wandered over to Rose, letting the boys have a moment alone, and gave her a sympathetic smile. “You okay?” she asked, keeping her voice low. 

“Yeah, I am actually. I’m really happy for them, and it will be easier for me to move on knowing that I don’t really have a chance,” Rose replied truthfully. 

Rey gave her a quick hug, then called Finn and Poe over. “I’m glad I found you all, because I have something to tell you too… I’m going away for a few days, and I just wanted to make sure I got a chance to see you all before I left.”

“You’re leaving? Where?” Rose asked. 

“I can’t say, but I’ll only be gone a couple of days.”

“Ooh, is it a top secret mission or something?” Finn said excitedly. 

“Kind of… I really can’t say anything yet, but if everything goes well, I promise I will tell you guys everything,” Rey replied with a pointed look at Rose. 

She understood the look immediately, and her expression turned to worry. “Is this going to be a dangerous mission?” Rose asked.

“Only if someone recognizes me and alerts the First Order, but I should be perfectly fine.”

“Well if the First Order comes for you, promise me that you’ll finish Kylo Ren off this time. You’d be doing us all a favour,” Finn said with a laugh. 

Poe nodded in agreement, but Rose’s eyes met Rey’s and a silent moment of comfort passed between them. Rose was telling her that she would have Rey’s back when they found out the truth, and that knowledge gave her strength. 

“Well… anyway, if something does go wrong - which it won’t - I just wanted to tell you guys that I love you all,” Rey said, deflecting Finn’s comment. 

Her friends all grinned at her and wrapped their arms around her all at once. She laughed as they crushed her under their combined hugs, praying with every fiber of her being that she wasn’t making a huge mistake. 

The night before she was set to leave for Canto Bight, she had found it impossible to sleep. She felt that everything rested on the outcome of the next couple of days, and the uncertainty of it all made her anxious. She was still certain that Ben would never hurt her, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t still turn back to the darkness. The idea of losing him for good caused a pain in her chest that spread through her body until she ached with dread. 

She rose early, having gotten little sleep anyway, and packed her small bag with a few essentials, tossing in the two halves of her lightsaber for good measure. She hoped Ben could show her how to reform the hilt so she could finally make progress on repairing it, but she didn’t even know if they would get a chance to discuss it. She had no idea what he had planned, or what would happen when they saw each other and it was making her increasingly nervous. She set out for the hangar bay, passing very few people along the way. She had been given permission to use a small transport ship, and when she arrived in the hangar she found it prepped and ready to go. She took a deep breath, then entered the ship, each step forward causing her anticipation to grow.

XXXXX

Kylo stepped off of his ship into the bustling space port of Canto Bight. It was garishly bright and loud, and he swiftly remembered why he hated it. He had managed to get off the First Order flagship easy enough; he had arranged meetings with a few of their weapon dealers for the day of his arrival with the excuse that he was fishing around for something to help quell the rebellions that were rising up around the galaxy. Hux as usual was suspicious, but none of the other officers had any reason to question him so he had left with little issue. 

He was met with reverence by most of the staff, whom seemed eager to bend over backwards to please him. Kylo wasn’t sure if it was out of respect or fear, but it was annoying nonetheless. He had been given a suite in one of the casino’s luxury hotels, and even he had to admit it was quite impressive. He had spent years sleeping on a starship, and hadn’t seen a room so grand since his childhood. It brought back memories of travelling with his parents, his mother particularly, and staying in lavish accommodations. He had been catered too then as well, though that was only because he was the son of the famous Princess Leia Organa. Now they catered to him out of a fear of death. 

The meetings he had set up with the dealers were as pointless and uninteresting as he had expected; he met with three different suppliers, all of whom insisted they were working on new weapons that would be worthy of the First Order. He found it very hard to care about any of it, and the longer the day went on the more his thoughts were distracted by Rey. Soon she would arrive, and nothing else would matter. After the last meeting he made his way to the casino floor, trying his best to move through the crowd unnoticed. Luckily most of the galaxy was used to seeing him in his helmet, so he passed by with relative ease and anonymity. He had been right in believing that nobody would pay much attention to him, and he welcomed the solitude of being lost among the crowd. 

XXXXX 

As Rey exited her ship and moved through the crowded spaceport, she immediately understood why Ben had chosen this place. It was overwhelmingly busy; she had never seen so many people in one place and it made her feel small and forgotten. She pulled her hood up around her face as a precaution, but not a single person paid her any attention as she headed out of the spaceport and into the casino. She felt as if she had been swept up into the current of a raging river, herded forward by an endless stream of people moving to and fro. She already hated this place. 

She found her way into the casino and froze, staring around at the bright lights and glittering gold that covered every inch of the place. She supposed it was meant to be beautiful and impressive, but she just found it to be gaudy and over the top. None of this could compare to the badlands of Dantooine, or the lush greenery of Takodana. 

Someone bumped into her from behind as she stood transfixed, and it broke her out of her thoughts. She turned to apologize to the person for having stood in the way, but there were so many people making their way around the floor she could not tell who it had been. She frowned, moving off to the side of the room to scan the crowd. But as she crossed the floor, a familiar presence hit her like a wave. She froze again, then turned and walked towards the source. She couldn’t see him, but she could feel him like the heat of a flame. 

With every step closer his presence grew, and her feet followed it without question. He was right; she would find him. The Force would guide her. And sure enough she spotted him; he was standing across the room, and he saw nothing but her. He gazed at Rey as if she were the most magnificent creature he had ever seen, and the intensity of it knocked the air right out of her. 

They moved towards each other their eyes locked, both overwhelmed by the potency of the energy that moved between them, pulling them together like magnets. Rey could feel her heart pounding harder with every step, and her body began to prickle with anticipation. They found their way to each other, moving effortlessly through the endless sea of people, and it took every ounce of their combined willpower not to reach out and touch the other. But Ben gave her a warning look; _Not here_. He made the slightest gesture, then turned away with great effort and headed towards the elevators at the back of the casino. Rey followed silently, unable to take her eyes off of him. 

She had felt his pull before, but now it was like gravity pulling her in with alarming force. Now that he was here in the flesh, she could feel the full weight of it, and she knew it would be impossible to resist. They reached the elevators and Ben entered the nearest one, Rey following in his wake. He turned around and leaned in close, reaching past her to press a button on the panel, and she let out a shaking breath. His proximity made her feel drunk, and once again their eyes locked and saw nothing but each other. Rey was vaguely aware of other people on the elevator with them, but they seemed to melt away into nothingness. Ben however had more resistance, and though his whole body ached for her, he refrained from acting on his impulses. 

It wasn’t easy though. The Force bond typically dampened everything, and Ben realized now that it had suppressed the full magnitude of their draw to one another as well. He was close enough to smell the scent of her hair and feel the heat of her body, and he trembled with the effort it took to resist her. Time seemed to slow as the elevator ascended, and he knew neither of them could wait much longer. 

Finally the elevator door opened and they both moved out into the hall, hearts pounding. Ben took the lead, unable to resist letting his fingers brush her hand as he passed her. She inhaled sharply and he could feel her hand twitch, longing to take his. But they didn’t dare; not where there were still prying, dangerous eyes. 

Ben led her to his suite and unlocked the door, allowing her to enter before him. She barely had time to drop her bag and appreciate the grandeur of the room before he slipped in behind her, swiftly locking the door and shutting them out from everything but each other. Their eyes met again, and for a moment they stood hypnotized by the desire raging between them like an inferno. Then without warning they had come together and their lips met with insatiable hunger. Ben’s strong hands came up and grasped the back of her shirt tightly, pulling her into him. She didn’t resist, and her own hands found their way into his hair. Her fingers curled around his dark locks and she held onto him desperately. 

His grip on her tightened, and she let out a low moan against his lips. This was all he needed; Ben lifted her up and pulled her into him. She wrapped her legs around his hips in response, and slowly he carried her towards the bed, kissing every inch of her flesh that he could find. They pulled at each other’s clothes with urgency, both unable to control the burning need that consumed them. They fell onto the bed, hands exploring each other as they removed the last of their clothing before moving as one, two halves joining at last. 

_Together they were whole._


	10. A New Order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey have a lot of things to talk about.

Bright, warm sunlight washed over the room as the morning came, causing Rey to stir. It took her a few minutes to fully wake; she had slept better than she had in years, the strong arms that were still wrapped around her small frame making her feel safe through the night. Memories of the previous night rushed into her waking mind, and she opened her eyes to find Ben sleeping peacefully in her arms. She smiled, appreciating how relaxed and gentle he looked. It was if years of stress and anxiety had melted away and he was finally able to let his guard down.

Rey reluctantly untangled herself from Ben, being careful not to wake him, then found his shirt laying nearby and threw it over herself. The rest of their clothing was scattered about the room and she blushed slightly, remembering the urgency with which they had been removed. She grabbed a glass of water and then crossed the room to sit by the large window, marvelling at the view. From the height of the room the horizon seemed to go on forever, and it was dizzying.

Ben awoke to the feeling of warm sunshine on his face. He shut his eyes tighter against the light, turning his face into the pillow to block it out. He had slept so soundly, dreamlessly, and it was the first time in years he had gotten a full night’s rest uninterrupted by nightmares. He reached out blindly, searching for Rey, but found nothing but cold sheets next to him. His eyes shot open, and his heart clenched anxiously as he realized she was gone. He sat up in a panic, but then he spotted her sitting by the window, back turned to him and staring out at the view. He breathed a sigh of relief, letting a sense of security replace the fear that had been there mere moments before.

He slid out of bed and snatched his pants up off of the floor where they had been unceremoniously thrown the night before. His mind swam with the memory of it as he put them on, and he couldn’t supress the small smile that graced his features. He crossed the room and sat next to her, his breath catching in his throat as her energy engulfed him. She felt it too, and looked up as he joined her.

“Good morning,” she said, a coy smile brightening her features.

Ben let out a small breath. She was so beautiful when she smiled. “Good morning.”

Silence fell between them; not the usual awkward silence that they were used to, but a comfortable silence in which they merely appreciated the intimacy that had grown between them. They didn’t need words to communicate the way the felt. Not anymore. Ben reached out and took her hand, lacing their fingers together. Rey moved closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder, and they sat together for a long while watching the world move on without them.

Eventually Rey stirred, and when Ben looked over he could see that something was troubling her. He gave her a questioning look, but she avoided his gaze.

“Ben…” she spoke finally. “What do we do now?”

He had no answer. Truthfully, he had not even thought to consider how this change between them would affect their futures, and had simply been lost in the moment. But he knew that they could not remain in this blissful little bubble forever. He had to go back to the First Order, and she to the Resistance. The temptation to go with her was overwhelming, but there were so many reasons why he couldn’t.

“Will you stand by me now, Rey? I need you to stand by my side,” he replied, his voice shaking.

A shadow passed over her face, reminiscent of the way she had looked at him the first time had made this offer. She took a slow breath, gathering her thoughts.

“Are you asking me to stand beside Ben, or Kylo Ren?” she asked, fearing the answer.

Ben felt a flare of annoyance at the question. Once again she was trying to drag him over to the Light instead of seeing the bigger picture.

“I am not one or the other; they are both a part of me.”

Tears sprang to Rey’s eyes, but she blinked them away. She let her fear scare her away once before, and it had nearly torn her apart. She couldn’t possibly leave him now. For better or worse, in love or in hate, she could not exist without him.

“So you want to stay with the First Order?”

“No, I want to destroy the First Order. But I also want to destroy the Republic; I’ve told you this already. And I realize that my vision for the future of the galaxy is probably… unrealistic, but I still believe that the best way forward is to burn it all and let a new government rise from the ashes.”

Rey nodded solemnly. She wasn’t sure if it was her feelings for him rationalizing his words, or if she was finally starting to see the truth in them, but he was starting to make sense.

“And the Jedi?”

Ben gave her a dark look, clenching his jaw. “They must be eradicated too. The Jedi Order has been a shadow over the galaxy for far too long, and that needs to change. People like us should not be afraid to confront their demons, or be villainized for embracing the darkness within them. Luke’s determination to destroy everything that the darkness touched is what drove me to fall to it completely, and Snoke’s desire to mold me into a new Sith Lord is what tore me apart. If someone had shown me how to balance the Light and the Dark, I would not be such a mess of a person, so more than anything I want to restore balance to the Force, and make people realize that it is not natural to manipulate people into choosing one side. You cannot tip the scale in only one direction and call that balance. That is why you and I are equals, and why we are so irresistible to each other; you have all the light in you that I lack, and I have all the darkness. Together we balance each other, and that is why we are so strong. We are two halves of the same force.”

Rey released a quavering breath, every word of his impassioned appeal sinking in to her mind and completing the puzzle that was Ben Solo. She finally understood. He had been pushed to flourish in the Light, and then had been forced to spiral into the Dark. He had seen both sides of the Force, and he couldn’t possibly be anything but both.

“I thought I had lost myself to the darkness. I had thought it was my calling, where I belonged, and I have made so many mistakes because I was foolish enough to believe it. Snoke constantly belittled me for having too much Light in me, and I hated myself for being so inept. I tried so hard to resist the temptation of the Light, because I thought I had no other choice. It wasn’t until I met you that I realized I didn’t have to choose. You saw me, all of me, and you still offered me your empathy. That moment we touched hands, I knew that you were my salvation.”

The tears that she had been fighting back became impossible to suppress, and she squeezed her eyes shut as they fell down her cheeks. Ben gripped her hand tightly, afraid that if he let go, she would disappear from his life forever. His salvation. She was right to believe she could save him, but she had been so wrong about how. She didn’t need to bring him back to the Light; he already had it inside of him. He just needed her to show him that it was okay to embrace it. He needed her to show him how to undo the damage that Luke and Snoke had done to him.

She thought of Luke and how quick he was to berate her for going to the darkness. It is what he had been taught, corrupted by the Jedi Order like many before him. He had meant well, but he was wrong, just as Snoke was wrong to believe that the light was weak. Light and Dark were the two halves of the Force, and they had to work in tandem in order to create balance.

“Rey… do you trust me?” Ben pleaded.

“Yes,” she whispered, knowing in her heart that she had no reason not to.

“Will you join me? Will you help me bring balance?”

Rey opened her eyes and looked up at him. He was desperate for her acceptance, desperate to belong to her. She finally realized that his offer had never been about himself, it had always been about her.

“Yes.”

Ben’s composure crumbled at her answer, and his face lit up with not just relief, but joy. He reached out and pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. She moved into him, her arms snaking around him in return, knowing that this was where she truly belonged. She had found her place at last, and by the immense appreciation radiating off of Ben, she knew he had found his place too.

“So what is our first step?” Rey eventually asked, pulling away from him.

“We need to bring the First Order down. The Republic is all but finished, so all we really have to do is prevent them from establishing power again. But the First Order is getting out of control, and Hux is at the center of all of it. We need to finish them once and for all.”

“How do we do that? The Resistance has been fighting them for ages with no success; how can we hope to destroy them now?”

Ben smirked, causing Rey’s heart to flutter. His smile never failed to make her melt. “Snoke’s death was the start of their downfall; they just don’t know it yet. Hux has been just waiting for a chance to take me down next, and has been watching me like a hawk, so it’s only a matter of time before he realizes what I am trying to do. We need to strike before that time comes.”

“But we can’t possibly take on the entire First Order alone,” Rey said, furrowing her brow.

“That’s why we need the Resistance.”

Rey gaped at him, shocked at his willingness to work with the faction that he had previously worked so hard to destroy.

“Do you think you can convince my mother ally with us? I know it’s a long shot, but if anyone is to take over organizing the galaxy after the First Order is defeated… I think she is the best choice. She is strong with the Force, and has not been influenced by Jedi training. She will understand the need for balance, I am certain of it.”

“You want Leia to rule the galaxy?” Rey asked skeptically. 

“Not necessarily, no. But she is rational, and is not afraid to put her foot down when she needs to. Also she has always had a strong mind for politics, a trait I never inherited, and she has many contacts and allies as a result. If anyone can figure out the best people to form a new Order and lead the galaxy into an era of prosperity, it would be her.”

Rey smirked. “You give her a lot of praise, considering you haven’t spoken to her in years.”

Ben shrugged, averting his gaze. Truthfully, he had always admired his mother’s strength, more than he would ever admit. She was like a boulder in the middle of a raging river; no matter how strong the current beat against her, she always stood solid against it. He didn’t know anyone as strong as her, and he had often wished that he had inherited even half of her resolve. 

“Well, I can talk to her and see what she says. Even if I can convince her though, I’m not sure if we can convince the rest of the Resistance, but it is worth a try at least,” Rey said. “But I think they would be more convinced if you came to them yourself.”

Ben sighed. “I can’t just walk into the heart of the Resistance and ask to be allies. I wouldn’t even make it through the front door. Besides, I have other allies I want to recruit.”

“Other allies? Who?” 

“The Knights of Ren.”

Rey gave him a quizzical look. “The who?”

“The Knights of Ren… former students of Luke’s. When I attacked his temple, they rallied behind me in support of the destruction of the Jedi Order. Their alliance is to me, not the First Order, so I might be able to get their assistance.”

“I’ve never heard of them before… I had no idea there were other former Jedi.”

“Like I said, their allegiance isn’t to the First Order, so they have had little to do with them since we abandoned the Jedi way. They have been searching for Luke, as well as seeking out old Jedi temples and artifacts and destroying them all.”

A flash of anger crossed Rey’s face, and she scoffed at Ben. “They are destroying Jedi temples? That’s terrible!”

Ben frowned angrily at her in response, pulling his hand away from hers. “I thought you agreed that the Jedi needed to end in order to restore balance.”

“I do agree, but that doesn’t mean we should destroy their temples! Not only could people learn from them, but it’s valuable history!” 

“Would you disagree so vehemently if I told you they were also destroying Sith temples and artifacts? Because they are. The only difference is the Jedi wiped out most of it ages ago so there is a lot less of it to find.”

“I…” Rey started, frowning. 

“Don’t hold on to the past, Rey. History will continue to repeat itself unless we destroy it completely and start afresh.” 

Rey huffed and got to her feet, turning away from him to stare out the window. He stood too, and she could practically feel him fuming behind her. She thought of the Jedi texts she had back in her room on Dantooine, and how much she had already learned from them. The motive behind destroying information on the Jedi was understandable considering his desire for balance, but to her it seemed like a terrible waste to let so much history and knowledge vanish so unceremoniously. 

After a few minutes of silent brooding, Ben felt his frustration subsiding. He couldn’t really blame her for being shocked; she had only just begun to see the need to break away from the chains of the past, and he imagined it was all a lot to take in. Especially for someone as empathetic and sentimental as she was. He let out a low sigh, then walked over to her, gently grazing her back with his fingers in a silent plea for her not to be angry. Her body relaxed at his touch, and he took it as a sign that she had cooled down as well. He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair. She leaned back into his embrace, crossing her arms over his. 

“I don’t want to fight with you Rey. My parents fought constantly, and it tore our family apart. I don’t want that for us,” he said in a low voice, his breath tickling her neck and sending a pleasurable shudder through her body. 

Rey couldn’t help but smile at the thought of them being an ‘us’. Only days ago she had been envying Poe and Finn for their flourishing relationship, and now here she was, wrapped in the arms of a man who had literally offered her the entire galaxy. Their future seemed so unstable, so uncertain, but this was where she belonged. “Let’s just get through this war first, and we can figure out what to do about the Jedi once we have won. I don’t want to fight either, especially not now, when we have so little time together.” 

Ben nodded against her, and she felt him nuzzle up against her neck before placing a gentle kiss on her bare skin. She leaned into his lips and let out a small whimper of delight. She turned in his arms, facing him with a coy smile. 

“We aren’t done talking, Ben,” she said with a playful look. “You can distract me all you like after we have figured out what we are going to do.” 

His eyes burned at her words, and he shook with the effort it took not to act on the desire that had flared within him. Ben let his gaze sweep over her, suddenly very aware that she was wearing nothing but his shirt, which barely came halfway down her thighs. He bit his lip, but then nodded. 

“So these… Knights of Ren. Will they be easy to find?” Rey asked, blushing at the way his eyes devoured her. 

“Well, I can track their ship if I have to, but I’m hoping I can get in contact with them first. But if they aren’t on their ship, they might not get the transmission right away.”

“Do you have any idea where they are now?” 

“Not really, no. They could be anywhere right now. Leonie - she’s one of the Knights - she has Miraluka blood and her Force sight is very strong. She uses it to seek out beacons of Light or Dark Force energy, which they then investigate and destroy if necessary. So where they are at any given time is really impossible to tell.”

Rey found it strange to hear him talk about these people so casually. She suddenly felt a surge of envy, knowing that this Leonie woman had known Ben before and after his fall to darkness. She realized that the Knights of Ren probably knew Ben better than she did, and it made her heart feel heavy. 

“So what will you do when you speak to them?” Rey asked, trying to hide the sudden jealousy that had reared within her. 

“Tell them everything,” Ben replied with a shrug. “With any luck, they will join us without hesitation. If I am unlucky… they might turn on me. I haven’t seen any of them in a while, so I can’t be completely sure they are still loyal to me.”

“Ben! I can’t just let you take off and find these people on your own if you think they might turn on you!” 

He reached out and gripped her shoulders, her concerned expression and troubled tone causing a warmth to spread through him. “I am the Master of the Knights of Ren for a reason. They are powerful, and they are Force users, but none of them can compare to me in raw strength.”

 

Rey sighed. She didn’t like the plan, but she knew there would be no arguing with him. This was something he had to do on his own, and he couldn’t afford to put her in danger or have her there as a distraction. “Fine. I don’t like this though.”

Ben smirked, and Rey’s concern melted away at the sight of it. “I can tell. But I promise you I will be fine.”

“Don’t make promises unless you are certain you can keep them,” Rey replied, repeating the words that Leia had given her only days before. 

Ben gave her a strange look, the smirk fading from his face. He contemplated her for a moment, then said, “You’ve been spending too much time with my mother.” 

Rey felt her cheeks flush, and she smiled sheepishly at him. She had to admit though, she found it very promising that he still seemed to be so connected to Leia. Rey could sense how terribly they missed each other, but she was also painfully aware of just how deeply they had wounded one another. That sort of pain was hard to bounce back from, no matter how much you love someone. 

“So,” Rey said, diverting the conversation away from the gloomy topic, “that is our plan then? I get the Resistance to support us, you get the Knights of Ren, and then we reconvene and come up with a plan?”

“Yeah. I know it seems like a futile effort, but with a little luck, we might just pull this off.”

Despite it being his plan, Ben sounded hesitant. He didn’t know what else to do though. He knew Rey wanted him to join the Resistance, but he knew they would never trust him unless he gave them a good reason to. Rey convincing them to give their idea a chance was about all he could come up with, and he was desperate to find a way to keep her in his life. 

But as he looked down at Rey silhouetted by a halo of bright sunshine from the window behind her he felt his doubt melt away. Even if this plan didn’t work, he would think of another. He would tear down the stars if it meant being with her. She smiled up at him with a raised eyebrow, growing curious at his affectionate stare. He reached out to her and gently cupped her cheek in his palm before closing the distance between them and laying a delicate kiss on her lips. 

It was surprisingly tender, and not at all expected. Rey smiled against his mouth, enjoying her constant discovery of his softer side. She pulled back and caught his eyes; they were warmer and filled with more joy that she had ever seen from him. No trace of pain or sadness, no fear or anger. All Ben saw when he looked at her was light. 

He let his hand fall to her shoulder, grazing the flesh of her neck with his fingers. His other hand came to her waist, drawing her close. Rey brought her own hands up to his bare chest, tracing the lines of his scars with her fingertips. She felt suddenly awkward; the previous night they had wanted each other so desperately, so passionately, that they had acted merely on instinct. Now she felt more conscious of their actions, and it made her nervous. It was more intimate, and that made it all the more intense. 

Ben’s hands drifted down her body, sending a shiver through her. He brought them up underneath the oversized shirt, his hands feeling their way along her bare skin before pulling the shirt off of her. She raised her arms to let him, her eyes never leaving his. He closed the gap between them, kissing along her neck and collarbone hungrily. 

“Ben…” she breathed, the sensation of his lips sending a burning desire raging through her body. 

Her words encouraged him, and he gently nipped at her flesh, luring a low moan from her lips. Rey’s trepidation was quickly being burned away by the fire inside her, and she responded by bringing her fingers into his hair, pulling his head back gently. The fire she felt was reflected in his eyes, and it was all she needed to see. She pressed her lips against his, letting her teeth graze his bottom lip. Ben moaned longingly against her mouth in reply, and the sound of it drove her wild. He quickly removed his pants, struggling to resist her any longer, then pulled her down to lay below the widow, letting the warm sun bathe them in glowing yellow light as they succumbed to each other once again.


	11. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey returns to Dantooine and finally reveals the truth to Leia and her friends.

The next day came far too quickly. Unable to risk being seen together, Ben and Rey had spent the day locked up in their suite enjoying the limited time they had together. Ben had taken a closer look over Rey’s saber and had helped her strip the hilt apart, showing her which pieces could be salvaged. The hardest part now would be finding the materials she needed to finish its construction. He had insisted that because the crystal was damaged, she would need to find a way to vent the extra heat, much like the cross guard on his own saber, but she was still uncertain how to design her own.

Rey delayed her departure for as long as possible, but eventually she knew she had to leave. Leia had given her two days, and she didn’t want to risk having the entire Resistance fleet show up looking for her. Ben was staying for one more day, meeting with more of their suppliers in order to maintain his excuse for being at the casino, but he was not looking forward to spending the time there without her. As Rey was packing her things, Ben dug out the bloodstained scraps of fabric that she had wrapped around his injured knuckles weeks prior, rubbing the fabric between his fingers as she puttered around collecting her things. Rey had noticed this, and was surprised that he had held on to the dirty rags, but she didn’t dare question why. She wanted to give him something else of hers to hold on to, but she had so few possessions as it was.

Ben’s mood grew more and more sullen as the time for her to leave approached, and he reverted back into his habit of suppressing his emotions. Rey could see right through him though, and she didn’t blame him for feeling so downtrodden. She was not looking forward to leaving him either. When she was finished packing, Ben strode over to her, taking her hand and pressing a small comlink into her palm. Rey looked up at him with a bittersweet smile.

“We both know the Bond is not reliable, nor can we control it. This way… at least we can speak to each other, and I can be sure you are safe,” he said, his eyes reflecting all the sorrow that his face refused to show.

Rey knew that if anyone in the Resistance base discovered who the comlink was from, she would be in a great deal of trouble. She trusted Ben without a doubt, but for all the Resistance knew, Ben would have implanted a tracker into it, or otherwise use it to find their location. She knew she had to be careful and not let anyone discover who had its partner. She slipped the comlink into her pocket, then reached up and placed her hand on his cheek, running her thumb across his scar. She thought of Leia’s words. _‘Thank you for loving him.’_ She had thought the very notion was crazy when she had heard it, but now she knew that Leia had been right.

“Ben… I…” Rey started, her gaze locked on his dark eyes.

“No, don’t say it,” he interrupted, raising a finger to her lips.

She gave him a bemused look. “How do you know what I was going to say?”

“I know because I feel it too. But I don’t want you to say it yet. If you say it now, I… I don’t know if I could stand to watch you leave.”

Rey’s heart swelled at his words, and she nodded. She wasn’t sure when they would see each other again, and that made it hard enough to leave. “Okay. I understand.”

Ben studied her for a moment, as if memorizing every detail of her face. Then he leaned in and kissed her. It was a long, lingering kiss that spoke all the words they had left unsaid. When they parted, it took every ounce of willpower within her to turn towards the door. She looked back at him, fighting the urge to break down.

“Goodbye Ben,” she breathed.

Ben stared at her for a moment, his jaw quivering as he fought to restrain the emotions raging inside of him. When he spoke, it was with a weak, broken voice.

“Goodbye Rey.”

With great effort, she turned away and left the room, suppressing tears as she walked down the hallway towards the elevators. Each step further away from him caused an ache within her that grew until she could barely stand it, but she fought through. They would see each other again, she knew it.

Rey found her way back to her ship and boarded it solemnly. She refused to let herself cry; this goodbye wasn’t forever. But if they truly wanted to be together, they had to find a way to end the war. There was no way they could survive loving each other while standing on opposite ends of the battlefield. She focused her mind on the task before her, and on the salvaged pieces of the lightsaber in her bag. These thoughts helped her survive the lonely trip back to Dantooine, and before long she could see the Resistance base rising before her.

Once she had landed safely, Rey headed back to her room to drop off her things. She had sent word ahead to Leia that she had something to discuss with her, and had asked for a meeting. She had also requested that Finn, Rose, and Poe be present, as she felt they were owed an explanation. Having friends on her side couldn’t hurt either. She entered her room and glanced around at the cold, grey interior. With a sigh she dumped her bag onto her bed then flopped down onto her back next to it, staring up at the ceiling. She lay there for a while watching the shadows dance across the opposite wall as the sun moved across the sky.

After a while she sat up, determined to pull herself out of her melancholy. She grabbed her bag and opened it, removed the pieces of the lightsaber that she had salvaged, and spread them out on the mattress. She took the Kyber crystal between her fingers, turning it over in her hands. The light from the small window beside her caught the crystal, sending fragmented shards of light across the walls. How was she going to vent the access heat as Ben had instructed? She had used his lightsaber well enough before, but the style of it was meant for heavier, more aggressive combat and she was used to a lighter, more nimble weapon.

Suddenly a thought strikes her and she looks up, her eyes finding her staff leaning against the wall. Her eyes moved between the familiar sleek lines of her staff, back to the hilt pieces laid out before her, and she smiled.

A few hours later, Rey strode into the meeting room that Leia had arranged for them feeling confident and powerful. She had spent the time crafting a new hilt by combining her old staff and the pieces of Luke’s saber, and she was quite pleased with the results. She was eager to practice with her new saber, but first she had to handle politics.

Rose, Finn, and Poe were already seated around the table when Rey walked in, and they all jumped up to hug her as she joined them. They had little time to chat however, as Leia entered shortly after, followed by Lieutenant Connix. Rey gave the General a quizzical look as everyone settled around the table.

“I hope you don’t mind that I’ve asked Lieutenant Connix to join us; she is one of my most trusted officers and I trust her to have an unbiased opinion on many things,” Leia said, answering Rey’s wordless query.

“No… of course I don’t mind,” Rey replied. Truthfully she was hesitant; she didn’t know Connix as well as Poe or Leia did, but she did know that she was usually reasonable and level-headed. Rey, Finn, Poe, and even Rose were often emotional and impulsive, so it made sense that Leia wanted rational support.

Everyone looked up at Rey expectantly, waiting for her to begin. She felt anxiety clench at her insides, and she looked over to Rose for support. Rose gave her an encouraging nod, letting Rey know that she had her back.

“Okay so… I should probably start right at the beginning, since only Rose and General Organa have heard what I am about to tell you,” Rey started, watching Poe, Finn, and Connix exchange curious glances with each other. “I have been communicating through the Force with Ben Solo.”

Connix clued into the name first, and her jaw dropped. “As in… Kylo Ren?” she asked, stunned.

“Yes. The Force… bonded us. It’s difficult to explain, but our fates are entwined, and because of this we have had moments where we have been able to see and talk to each other. The communication started when I was on Ahch-To, and happened as recently as a few days ago.”

“Is there a way to stop it from happening?” Connix said, looking scandalized.

“Not that I’m aware of, though I wouldn’t pursue it if there were,” Rey replied.

Finn narrowed his eyes at this, both confused and angry. “You’ve been talking to him willingly?” he demanded.

“Not at first, though gradually I have gotten to know him, probably better than anyone, and I have seen the light inside of him. He can be saved. In fact, he is already taking steps towards salvation.”

“We are talking about the same Kylo Ren, right? The Kylo Ren who killed Han Solo? Who chased our fleet through the galaxy and decimated our people? Who tortured Poe, and kidnapped you? Who is now the _Supreme Leader_ of the First Order? THAT Kylo Ren?” Finn said, clearly outraged.

Rey glanced over at Leia, expecting the mention of Han to have upset her, but the woman sat listening silently, her face unreadable. “Yes Finn, that Kylo Ren. Trust me, I understand that you must be shocked. I am in no way excusing the things he has done, and he wouldn’t either. In fact I am quite sure he hates himself more than anyone else could, but I have gotten through to who he really is. There is more to him than anyone knows; he is a damaged person and Snoke took advantage of his pain, twisting him into something he is not. He has spent his whole life trying to live up to impossible standards and expectations, and has lost himself along the way. Done terrible things to try and find his place. Can any one of you honestly tell me you have not done something you regret horribly because you thought it was the right course of action?”

Rey looked around at the faces before her; not one of them spoke. “He can be redeemed, just like anybody else. He just needs to be given a chance.”

“Rey, are you seriously trying to tell me you want to save Kylo Ren? That you think he is worth your time? He isn’t worth it! He is a monster!” Finn argued, anger etching his face.

Rey sighed at these words, remembering when she had spat them at Ben herself. “He is not a monster; he is a lost soul searching for his way out of the darkness. I can help him, I know I can. He deserves a chance, just like anyone else.”

Rose caught her eye with a small smile, communicating her support without interrupting. Rey knew Rose was still hesitant about Ben, but she greatly appreciated that her friend made every effort to give him a chance despite that.

“I met with him. In person I mean. That’s where I was the past couple of days,” Rey said, turning her gaze to Leia. “He wants to bring the First Order down.”

She was met with silence. Everyone stared at her with disbelieving expressions.

“How do you know this isn’t a trap?” Poe finally asked.

“Because I trust him. He wants both the First Order and the Republic to end so we can create something new from their ashes.”

“Oh sure, and then he will swoop in and take over everything. Great idea,” Finn said sarcastically.

Rey felt a twinge of annoyance, but ignored it. “No, he doesn’t want to rule the galaxy. In fact, he suggested that Leia be the one to help organize and create a new form of government for the galaxy.” She turned her eyes back to the General, who looked surprised. “Despite everything, he still has that much faith in you. He said that the Republic was just as corrupt as the First Order is now, and that we need something new. He said you would be the best person to guide us.”

Leia held her gaze for a moment, and then faltered. Rey could tell that she was hoping with all her might that these words were true, but her resolve was hard to crack. Rey knew Leia had been through many betrayals and many losses before, and that she knew that redemption, while not impossible, was very rare. But the spark of hope was there.

“I realize that this is all a lot to take in, and that it will be difficult for any of you to trust that Ben is sincere. But I’m asking you to trust in me, and trust that I have seen the good that still lives within him. With his help, we might just stand a chance of ending the First Order once and for all. Can you give him a chance?”

“Absolutely not; I have seen first-hand what that man is capable of. He isn’t worth the risk,” Finn said immediately, crossing his arms resentfully.

“Well… I mean, you were with the First Order, Finn. And you chose to leave too. We gave you a chance, so I think we should give Kylo Ren a chance too. I trust Rey, and if she believes him, then we should too,” Rose said with an apologetic look towards Finn.

“I am nothing like Kylo Ren!”

“I’m not saying you are Finn, but I don’t think it’s fair to turn our backs on someone who is seeking redemption, no matter who it is.”

Poe glanced between Finn and Rose, looking conflicted. Finally he sighed, then reached out and took Finn’s hand. “I agree with Rose. As much as I hate that bastard, no offence General, I know what it’s like to make incredibly stupid, deadly mistakes. I also know what it’s like to feel that guilt weigh on me, and what it’s like to hope every day that you can redeem yourself. I know how hard it can be to admit your mistakes and to pray that people forgive you, even if you don’t think you deserve it. So… I think we should trust Rey, and give Kylo Ren a chance.”

Finn looked hurt that both Rose and Poe disagreed with him, but he didn’t argue. Rey was surprised to see that he looked like he was actually considering their words, and though he fell back in his chair sulking, she hoped that he might at least be willing to trust his friends even if he couldn’t trust Ben.

“If I may, General?” Connix said, waiting for Leia to nod her approval. “I don’t disagree that everyone deserves redemption and a chance to prove themselves, but we are still talking about a man who has murdered countless innocent people. How can we be sure this isn’t an elaborate ruse?”

“We spent almost two full days together and he didn’t try to harm me. He was the one who tipped me off about the plot against the Onderon rebels, and he… killed Snoke to save my life. He has had many chances to destroy me or the Resistance, and he has not taken them,” Rey argued.

“He saved your life?” Finn piped up, leaning forward again.

“Yes. I boarded the _Supremacy_ shortly before it was destroyed, because I knew I could turn him to the light. Snoke tortured me and ordered Ben to kill me, but instead he struck down Snoke and together we defeated the Praetorian Guard. At the time I thought I had failed to turn him, because I was focused on saving the fleet and I misunderstood his intentions. But we have since come to understand each other, and we want the same thing.”

Connix raised an eyebrow at her suspiciously. Rey knew that the woman was quite sharp, and she felt her cheeks turn pink as the lieutenant scrutinized her. Leia too seemed to see right through the context of Rey’s words, and the shadow of a smile appeared on her lips.

“Well, that may be so, but he hasn’t exactly proved he is trustworthy. If we are to give him a chance, I think we need more evidence that he is actually making an effort to change.”

Rey felt deflated. She had Rose and Poe’s support, but Finn was adamant in his hatred of Ben, and Connix appeared to agree that he was not worth the risk. She turned to Leia, pleading silently for the General’s consent. Leia studied her for a long while, contemplating everything that had been said. Finally she spoke, fixing her features into a stony calm.

“I believe that you have found the light in my son. I believe that you can save him. However… I do not believe that it would be wise to trust him so readily. I cannot let my bias or personal desires cloud my judgement and put the entire Resistance in danger. I’m sorry Rey, but I cannot agree to ally with Kylo Ren until he proves that he has changed.”

Connix nodded in agreement, though she looked sympathetically towards Rey. Finn however seemed thoroughly satisfied, and Poe had to elbow him in the side to remove the pleased look off of his face. The confidence that Rey had felt coming into the room had dissipated, and she was left feeling empty and alone. She nodded at Leia, turning her eyes away from everyone in the room as she fought back tears.

“I think that is all for today. You are dismissed,” Leia said, attempting to clear the room before the young Jedi lost control of her emotions.

Rey remained rooted to the ground, unable to will her body to move. Rose squeezed her hand as she passed, trying to comfort her, and Poe mirrored this sentiment by giving her a quick squeeze on the shoulder in support. Finn couldn’t bring himself to look at her, and marched out after his friends without a word. When the others were gone, Leia approached her and took her hands.

“Don’t give up Rey. Fighting for him will not be easy, but I know you have the strength to keep trying.”

“He’s your son… how could you not give him a chance?” Rey pleaded, tears escaping her eyes.

“I want nothing more than to do just that, but I have the Resistance to consider first. I know it seems cold, but I have to do what is best for them. If he wants redemption, he has to earn it for himself. Any assistance from me will only serve to make people question my integrity, and that will ensure that nobody ever trusts him. The Force is with you both, I can feel it. Just keep fighting.”

Leia squeezed her hands and then turned and left the room, leaving Rey alone and heartbroken. She reached into her pocket and felt for the Comlink Ben had given her, clutching it tightly in her hand. At the very least, she had support from Rose and Poe, and Connix and Leia seemed to be willing to change their minds, in time. She decided to heed Leia’s words. She would keep fighting, and she would make them see the Ben that she knew and loved.


	12. The Edge of Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben returns to the First Order, but things don't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting two chapters because I love you guys <3 I am really touched by the lovely comments I've gotten so far, and I am overjoyed that people are liking my story!

The hulking mass of the First Order’s flagship Star Destroyer loomed ominously in the distance, a shadowy stain against a background of stars. As Ben guided his ship towards the main flight hangar, he felt an encroaching sense of dread. He had just started getting used to the sense of peace and joy that he had felt in his short time with Rey, but the closer he got to the Destroyer, the more his anxiety and hostility flooded in, drowning his happy memories in chaos. He tried to focus on Rey and the task before him; she was like a beacon of light in the distance guiding his path, but it would only take one step on the wrong direction for him to be swallowed by the darkness.

As he docked his ship and prepared to disembark, he slid his hand into his pocket and wrapped his fingers around the familiar fabric scraps that brought him so much comfort. He steeled himself, then exited his ship. As expected, Hux was standing nearby waiting.

“Supreme Leader… how was your trip?” he asked with a snarling smirk.

“Uneventful,” Ben replied, trying to brush him off.

“Oh? Well that is quite unfortunate.” Hux continued to smirk at Ben, and there was a malicious look in his eye that Ben couldn’t quite place. “No interesting developments then?”

Ben’s heart skipped a beat and he narrowed his eyes at Hux suspiciously. He had the distinct impression that the General knew something he didn’t, and he felt a surge of panic. He hesitated, and when Hux’s smirk grew Ben knew he had made a mistake.

“With the suppliers…? Any new developments?”

Ben released a breath, but he still couldn’t shake the feeling that Hux was baiting him. He centered himself and cast his expression into cold indifference, channelling the darker side of himself like armour.

“Nothing but empty promises. Each one of them claimed to have something ‘special’ in development, but they had little to actually provide. I told them not to bother contacting us again until they had something we could use.” Ben replied, surprising himself with just how easily he could slip back into the shadow of Kylo Ren. “Do you have anything to report?”

“Nothing that is worth your attention, Supreme Leader,” Hux replied silkily.

Ben gave him another suspicious look at his tone, not trusting his newfound eagerness to suck up. He turned away from the General and walked over to the nearest Communications Officer.

“Try and get a hold of the Knights of Ren. Tell them I need to speak with them as soon as possible,” he ordered.

“Yes Sir. Is there anything else you wish me to relay to them?” the man replied.

“No. Just tell them to contact me, and patch theml through to my quarters when they call.”

“Very good Sir.”

Ben swept past the Officer and out of the hangar, heading towards his room. He was tense and couldn’t shake the feeling that something sinister was going on right under his nose. He strode down the long corridors as fast as he could without looking suspicious, and when he finally reached his room he entered with a sigh of relief.

He sank onto his bed facing the large window and staring out at the stars. This place had been his refuge for months, and it felt like a little slice of calm within the raging storm around him. Ben took the Comlink out of his pocket and held it in his hand. He had seen Rey only a day ago but he missed her desperately.

“Rey? Are you there?” he said into the communicator. He was met with silence, and he frowned. “Rey, it’s me.”

More silence. Ben sighed heavily, assuming she was probably busy at the moment. He had been foolish to think that she’d be waiting to hear from him so soon, but he longed to hear her voice. Suddenly the Comlink crackled and Ben heard her, tinny and distant.

_“Ben? Are you still there?”_

“I’m here,” Ben replied, his heart leaping.

_“Sorry for the delay; I was in the mess hall and had to go somewhere quiet. Is everything okay?”_

“Yeah, fine. I just… wanted to hear your voice.”

The line went quiet for a moment, and then it crackled again. _“I miss you too.”_ Rey said, causing a small smile to tug at his lips.

“Did you get a chance to talk to Leia?”

_“Yeah… I did.”_

“How did it go?”

_“Well… not as bad as it could have gone, but not how I would have liked. I’m going to talk to her again and see what I can do.”_

Ben nodded, despite her not being able to see it. “Yeah… I can’t say I was expecting her to forgive everything and welcome me with open arms,” he said bitterly.

_“Ben, it’s not like that. She wants to believe you; she just doesn’t trust you yet. But she told me to keep fighting for you, and I will. I will never stop fighting for you. You are not alone, remember? We are in this together.”_

He appreciated her optimism, but the darkness in his mind threatened to overcome his thoughts. He was stupid to believe this plan could work; he had burned too many bridges, done too many terrible things. Of course nobody wanted to trust him.

“I should let you get back to your friends… I have things to do anyway,” he said stoically, cutting himself off from the emotions that were darkening his mind.

_“Ben…”_

“I’m fine. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

There was a brief silence, and then Rey replied. _“Okay… if you’re sure.”_

“Bye Rey.”

_“…Goodbye.”_

Ben tossed his Comlink onto the bed next to him and covered his face with his hands. He could feel himself backsliding into the person he used to be before Rey, as if the very ship around him had influenced the darkness to reach out its tendrils and ensnare him once again. His defences were reforming, and with them his hostility, anxiety, and coldness. He hated himself for cutting Rey off so cruelly, but it was like he was not in control of himself anymore and all he could do was stand and watch as the darker side of himself destroyed everything around him. How much of this could Rey take before she decided that he wasn’t worth fighting for any longer?

A beeping sound pulled him out of his stupor, and he realized it was an incoming transmission. He walked over to the data pad on the wall, allowing the call to come through.

“Yes?” he demanded coolly.

_“Sir, the Knights of Ren have made contact. Shall I patch them through?”_ the voice of the Officer he spoke to earlier came through the Comlink.

“Do it.”

There was a moment of quiet as the Officer forwarded the call, then he heard a familiar, drawling female voice.

_“Hey boss.”_

He had not heard her voice in ages, and it filled him with trepidation. Vega was, for lack of a better title, his second in command. She had taken charge of the Knights in Ben’s absence, and had been his main contact since they parted ways. Normally he was happy to hear from her, but it had been many months since they last spoke, and so much had changed.

“Vega, it’s good to hear from you. I hope everything is well?” Ben said, trying his best to push his paranoia out of his mind.

_“We’re as good as ever, though not as good as you apparently, Supreme Leader.”_

Ben frowned at her use of his title. “Yes, well… that is irrelevant. I have something important I need to discuss with you all. Where are you now?”

_“We’re heading to Dantooine to resupply. Do you want us to reroute?”_

“No, I will come to you. I can’t risk this conversation being overheard.”

_“You want us to wait around on Dantooine so you can meet up with us for a secret meeting? We wouldn’t even be heading planet side if we weren’t running out of food. You realize this place is as dull as dirt, right?”_

“I’m sure you can find some way to occupy your time. I will head out as soon as I am able and meet you there, and I’ll explain everything when I see you.”

_“…Alright boss, whatever you say. See you soon.”_

“See you soon.”

The line went dead, and Ben felt a small sliver of hope strengthen within him. Step one of his plan was complete, now he just needed to convince the Knights of Ren to side with him. They had been friends once, before they became his soldiers. With any luck, they would remember that too.

Ben pressed a few buttons on the datapad to open a comlink to the hangar, and a timid voice greeted him.

“Prepare my ship for departure. I wish to leave as soon as possible.”

“Sir… you just returned… your ship is undergoing routine maintenance,” the man said hesitantly.

“That is an order. I want my ship ready to depart in one hour.”

“…Yes. Of course Supreme Leader, it shall be ready.”

An hour later Ben was on his way, happy to be leaving the First Order behind so soon. As expected, Hux had been quite agitated when Ben told him he was leaving again. The General did not like to be kept in the dark, and he had tried his best to weasel the information of this new trip out of him. Despite his annoyance though, Ben could not shake the impression that Hux was plotting something, and it made him uneasy. He kept mulling it over, trying to think what he could possibly be up to, but he had no choice to brush it off as his own paranoia.

He had been brooding silently on the issue when a familiar feeling dampened the air around him. He looked around and saw Rey standing behind him, looking confused. He switched his ship to autopilot, then stood up and strode over to her.

“Rey! I wasn’t… expecting to see you,” he said, stopping just short of her, freezing at the irritated look on her face. “Are you okay?”

“Where are you going?” she asked, ignoring his question.

Ben looked around, realizing she could see his surroundings. “I got a hold of the Knights and I’m heading out to meet them.”

Rey frowned at him, and he realized she was probably upset about the cold way he had spoken to her earlier. He sighed. “I’m sorry for earlier.” The words felt strange in his mouth; he was not used to apologizing for anything. But they make her features soften.

“You worried me. I could tell you were not okay,” she replied, reaching out and taking his hand. He could feel her warmth spread through his fingers, but he noticed that it was significantly lessened through the Force Bond.

“I just… being back on the Destroyer made me on edge.”

“And your instinct is to put your walls back up. I understand.”

Ben gazed at her with wonder, feeling as if he could never truly appreciate her as much as she deserved.

“Just don’t shut me out, okay? I’m on your side,” she added.

He nodded, giving her hand a squeeze.

“So, fill me in. Where are you headed?” she asked, changing the topic.

Ben shrugged. “There’s not much to tell yet. They were headed to Dantooine when I spoke to them, so I’m going to meet them there. I figured it would be safer than trying to have a private conversation in the heart of the First Order… are you okay?”

Rey’s face had gone pale, and she looked frightened. “Dantooine?” she repeated, her voice weak.

“Yeah, why?”

She averted her gaze and bit down on her lip. She trusted him not to give away the location of the Resistance base, but if Leia or any of the others found out that she had revealed this secret, they would likely lock her up for treason. On the other hand, Ben had made it clear that the Knights were capable of sensing strong beacons of Force energy, and not only was she strong with the Force, but she had ancient Jedi texts sitting in her bedroom. She could only assume the type of power they radiated with.

“I… I’m on Dantooine,” she said meekly, turning her eyes back to his.

Ben understood immediately, and he was pleasantly surprised by the ease with which she revealed the location of the Resistance to him. But that pleasant feeling was swiftly replaced with dread.

“Okay… well that doesn’t necessarily mean they will find you. Just… keep a low profile and try not to use the Force for a couple of days. You have a strong Light energy, but if it doesn’t flare much, Leonie might not notice. I should be there fairly soon anyway, so I can stop them if she does sense you.”

Rey bit her lip again, looking slightly ashamed. “There’s something else that might draw their attention.”

Ben felt his dread grow. “What is it?”

“…Ancient Jedi texts. Luke had them on Ahch-To, and I sort of stole them when I left so I could keep learning.”

“Wait, Jedi texts!? Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“You seemed so determined to get rid of Jedi artifacts, and I learned a lot from those books. I thought you might tell me to destroy them… but then we agreed to sort all of that out after the war was over and I just… figured it would be better to bring them up then. I didn’t want to keep fighting with you.”

Ben felt anger flare up inside him. He pulled his hand away from hers and turned his back on her, clenching his fists in an attempt to calm himself. Deep down he understood why she had not told him about the texts, and he honestly couldn’t blame her for it. But his anger was often unreasonable, and difficult to suppress.

“Ben… I’m sorry. Please don’t be angry.” Rey’s pleading voice cut across his ire like a soothing melody, and he felt his anger begin to subside. He let out a long breath to release the tension in his body, then slowly turned back to her.

“You have nothing to apologize for. I’m not angry at you, I’m… angry at myself I guess. But let’s not get into that now, because you are in danger. You have to get rid of those books.”

“But… I…” Rey started, hesitantly.

“Rey, I don’t care whether you destroy them or not, just get them as far away from you as possible. Take them out into the wilderness and throw them into a lake for all I care. Just… get away from them.”

She was taken aback by the urgency in his voice, and she nodded. “Okay, I will move them somewhere else.”

“Be very careful Rey. You radiate Light side energy, and if the Knights believe you are protecting those books, they will not hesitate to try and kill you. I will try and get a hold of them again and tell them… I don’t know what I’ll tell them, but I will figure it out.”

Rey nodded again. “I’ll be careful. If I have to, I’ll toss the books at them and run, hopefully they will be less interested in me.”

Ben looked skeptically at her, but didn’t reply. He was panicking, and it was taking all his strength not to lose his head completely. Before he could say anything else, Rey vanished before his eyes. “No!” he cried, reaching out to the empty space where she had just been. He rushed over to the pilot’s seat and flicked off autopilot, increasing the speed on his ship. He tried hailing the Knights, but his call went unanswered as he sped towards Dantooine, fear ripping him apart.


	13. The Knights of Ren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey encounters the Knights of Ren while Ben rushes to come to her aid.

Rey was disappointed to have vanished so suddenly, but the panic in Ben’s voice drove her to action. She grabbed her empty backpack and shoved the Jedi texts unceremoniously into it before slinging the bag over her shoulder. She checked to make sure the Comlink was in her pocket, grabbed her new lightsaber, and then bolted out the door. For a moment she debated leaving immediately, but she realized that if she were caught in the wilderness and nobody knew she had even left, it would cause even more trouble. She changed course and headed towards the main war room, knowing that Leia would most likely be there. She didn’t have time to hunt down her friends, she needed to act fast. She ran into the war room and spotted Leia instantly. Rey sprinted up to her.

“Leia! I’m sorry to interrupt, but this is important!”

Leia looked up at her in surprise, but took in the look of urgency on her face and merely nodded her consent.

“I need to leave right now… I need to get far away from the base. I just needed you to know; I’m going to leave and head north I think. There seems to be a forest a few miles away, so it’s a good place to hide.”

“Rey… slow down. What is this all about?”

But Rey didn’t need to answer the question. As Leia spoke, Rey felt a dark, powerful disturbance in the Force. It was close, and it was dangerous. She looked into Leia’s eyes and she immediately knew that the General felt it too.

“Who…?” Leia started, but Rey cut her off.

“I don’t have time to explain. I need to go now… I will lead them away from the base and hopefully they won’t realize you are here.”

Leia nodded hesitantly, clearly not pleased with having information withheld. But Rey’s urgency outweighed her doubts, as did the encroaching shadow that she felt down to her bones.

“May the Force be with you,” Leia said, giving her had a quick squeeze.

Rey nodded, then spun on her heel and sprinted from the room. She ran as fast as her legs would carry her, crashing past people in the corridors on her way to the main entrance. Nobody stopped her as she flew out into the badlands beyond, but she was met with many curious looks. Her lungs were burning, but she didn’t dare stop as she made her way north, trying to put as much distance between her and the base as possible.

After what felt like ages, Rey was forced to stop and catch her breath. Her body burned and she gasped for air, falling to the ground with exhaustion. But she couldn’t rest long. She gave herself just enough time to regain her breath; she could see a sparse forest in the distance, and it seemed like her best shot for refuge. She would hide the books in a hollow tree or a cave, and then double back and find a place to lay low until she heard from Ben. With great effort she pushed herself back to her feet, taking off at a sprint towards the forest. She reached the edge of the trees fairly quickly, and slowed to a walk as she entered, looking around for a decent place to stash the books.

Rey walked deeper into the woods, but the trees were thin and young and she was struggling to find a decent spot to hide the books. She stopped, contemplating stuffing the books under a nearby bush when she felt them. It was like a cold shadow enveloping her, blocking out the light. She stiffened and dropped her bag at her feet before slowly turning around.

Six figures stood before her, all wearing black, and had their faces covered by masks. They had their weapons casually drawn; a mix of blasters and customized vibro-blades. One of the centre figures stepped forward, peeling off her mask. The woman underneath was impossibly beautiful; she had dark skin and hair, but her eyes were such a light shade of brown they looked golden. Her features were sharp, and her hair was braided in a single, elegant plait down her back. Rey didn’t know what she had been expecting to encounter in the Knights of Ren, but she was definitely not it.

“It’s a girl, Leonie. Is she what you sensed?” the woman said, her eyes travelling over every inch of Rey.

Another figure stepped forward and removed their mask. This woman was shorter and had a youthful, thin face. Her snow-white hair was long and loose around her shoulders, making her look like a spirit. Her most distinguishing feature was the thick black lace covering her eyes. She tilted her head towards Rey, but it was clear that she could not physically see her.

“No, though I sense the Light all over her. There is something else though… something darker,” the second woman, who Rey assumed was Leonie, said. She took a couple steps forward, scrutinizing Rey. “There is something familiar about her.”

The first woman smirked slightly as her eyes travelled over Rey. “What was it that led you to her then, if she was not the source?”

Leonie pointed at the ground, directly at Rey’s bag. The first woman’s smirk grew, and she strode closer to Rey. She reacted on instinct, grabbing her saber and igniting it. The hilt was larger than it had been before, and now instead of one ice-blue blade, there were two, one on each end of the hilt and fashioned after her staff. The woman stopped in her tracks, and the other five figures behind her all raised their weapons.

“Aah, a little Jedi. How interesting,” she said, eyeing Rey’s weapon. “And a saberstaff? What a rare thing to behold.”

Rey hadn’t known her style of weapon had a name, but she could sense that the woman before her was impressed. Rey hoped that would buy her time at least.

“You are the Knights of Ren, aren’t you?” Rey asked, though she already knew the answer.

“I’m impressed, little Jedi. Not many know of us. I am Vega, leader of the Knights of Ren.”

“Leader? I was under the impression that Kylo Ren was your leader,” Rey replied, trying to distract her with conversation and praying that Ben would find his way to them.

Vega smiled a cruel, cold smile. “You’re not as ignorant as you look. How do you know all this?”

“Ben Solo. He and I are… quite close, and I don’t think he would appreciate you attacking me.”

Vega stared at her for a moment, then burst out laughing. The other five followed suit, jeering cruelly at her. “And here I was starting to give you some credit. Ben Solo no longer exists. I don’t know where you got all this information from, but it will be your downfall.”

“You’re wrong!” Rey cried, tightening her grip on her saberstaff. “Ben is on his way here now, to meet with you. How else would I know this, if he and I were not in contact?”

The Knights fell silent, glancing at each other. Finally Vega looked back to Rey with a murderous expression. The weapon in her hand, which resembled a thin club, surged to life with energy. Behind her the other vibro weapons were charged, and two of the Knights pointed blasters at her.

“I’ve got this,” Vega said, halting the other five in their tracks as they advanced towards Rey.

Without warning she attacked, and Rey had barely enough time to block her weapon before she had struck again. She was remarkably fast, pushing Rey backwards as she tried to deflect her blows.

“Where’s your confidence now, little Jedi?” Vega roared as she continued her barrage.

Rey felt a surge of anger rise up within her, and she grasped onto it, letting it fuel her. With a roar of her own, she pushed out with the Force, throwing Vega several feet backwards, and then advanced. The two Knights with blasters opened fire, sending a volley of bolts towards Rey. She deflected them with ease, but was forced to stop her advance which gave Vega time to scramble to her feet. But before she could advance again, Rey’s senses flared, and she narrowly avoided a strike from behind. She whirled around and came face to face with Leonie, who was brandishing what looked like a pike. Her movements were like water, her weapon never ceasing, almost hypnotizing her. Rey deflected her strikes with great difficulty, and couldn’t help but marvel at how well she fought for a blind woman.

As she fought Leonie, Vega charged towards her and attacked. Rey was now pinned on both sides, struggling to fight them both off. They moved together with practiced ease, and it wasn’t long before Rey realized that she didn’t stand a chance against all six of them. Panic started to sink in, and in that moment her concentration slipped; one of Leonie’s blows struck her leg, both cutting her flesh and sending a jolt of energy through her. Rey cried out in pain, narrowly deflecting a blow from Vega. Leonie struck again and Rey moved to block, but it gave Vega an opening, and she was struck hard in the back, causing her to crumple to the ground with another cry of pain as Leonie side-swiped with her weapon and knocked Rey’s saber out of her hands. The two women stood over her, stalking like wolves around their prey.

“Decent effort, little Jedi, but not good enough,” Vega spat, raising her weapon to strike at the now prone Rey.

“STOP!”

The scene seemed to be frozen it time; seven pairs of eyes turned towards the source of the booming, vengeful voice, and the whole forest grew quiet as they registered the man before them. He stood dressed in black, his dark hair falling in soft curls around his face, which bore a terrifying look of wrath. His signature cross-guarded lightsaber was ignited at his side, the red blade casting an eerie glow across his pale features. Rey had seen him looking menacing before, but she had never seen him like this. He was the embodiment of Kylo Ren; pure rage, pure destructive energy. The Knights all lowered their weapons at the sight of him, Leonie and Vega looking dumbstruck.

Ben raised his lightsaber and pointed it directly at Vega, his glare fixed on her. “Drop your weapons,” he demanded, his voice low and threatening. 

Vega dropped her weapon immediately, putting her hands up in front of her with a passive shrug. The other Knights followed suit, and Rey noticed that they all seemed to be terrified. She could sense their fear, even though four of them were still wearing masks. 

“Whatever you say boss,” Vega said. Her voice was light and submissive, clearly trying to diffuse his anger. 

Ben slowly lowered his lightsaber, and he appeared to be attempting to calm himself. Leonie sensed this too, and slowly walked over to him, scrutinizing him curiously. 

“You have changed, Kylo. Your aura… it’s so… grey and murky. Like ink bleeding into milk. Like candles, casting both light and shadow. Someone has cast a light into your darkness,” she said with a poetic lilt. 

Ben’s eyes flickered to Rey’s; Leoinie turned simultaneously and fixed her sightless gaze upon Rey as well, who was still sprawled on the ground, clutching at the bleeding wound on her leg. Leonie smiled knowingly, drifting back towards the woman she had been trying to kill mere moments before.

“Aah. I see. This is why you were familiar; his energy is all over you.”

Rey distinctly noticed that everyone had their eyes fixed on her, and it made her feel uncomfortable and exposed. She tried to struggle to her feet, but her back seized in agony as she tried to push herself up and she let out a gasp of pain. This shook Ben out of his rage entirely, and he moved swiftly to her side to inspect her wounds. 

“Yeah… so my weapon is sort of like an enhanced stun baton… it sends an electrical pulse into the muscle around the area it strikes, causing the muscles to contract painfully. But the effects don’t last long, so you should be fine in a couple minutes,” Vega said, giving Ben a sheepish look. 

He shot her a glare, but said nothing. Getting mad at Vega wouldn’t make Rey recover any quicker, and she still had the cut on her leg to deal with. He gently prodded the wounded flesh, noting with a furrowed brow that it was bleeding quite profusely. He knew this was Leonie’s work; her strikes were deadly accurate, considering she was blind. 

“This looks pretty deep, but it’s nothing we can’t patch up. I have a medpack on my ship; we can fix you up there,” he said, tearing a piece of fabric from his shirt and using it to try and slow the bleeding. 

Rey couldn’t help but smile slightly as he tied the fabric around her leg, remembering how she had done the same for him not too long ago. He recalled the memory too, and the slightest blush crept into his cheeks. When he was done, he swept Rey up into his arms and lifted her up off the ground. She looked around at the Knights of Ren, all of whom were watching the pair of them with both confusion and interest. 

Ben turned to them with a stony expression. “You come too. We have a lot to talk about.” 

The six of them picked up their weapons and waited silently for Ben to take the lead. Vega stooped over and grabbed Rey’s saber, handing it back to her. 

“Don’t forget this,” she said with a wink. 

Ben glanced at the saber as Rey took it with a grateful nod, and he smirked. “You remade it then.”

“Mmhmm. Remind me to show you later,” Rey replied with a pained smile. 

“You made this? Damn Jedi, I’m impressed. I thought you had just found it somewhere,” Vega said as they began walking back to the ship. “Oh, Torren, grab her bag, would you?” she added.

One of the Knights with a blaster moved forward to collect Rey’s bag, and followed behind at a leisurely stroll.

“Well I had some guidance, but I did all the construction. I’m good at fixing things,” Rey said, casting a wary eye to the Knight carrying the Jedi texts. 

“Crafting a saberstaff all on your own… taking on Leonie and myself and putting up a damn good fight… turning the infamous Kylo Ren into a puddle of mush… you’re dangerous, little Jedi. Sorry for trying to kill you. Nothing personal you know.”

Despite herself, Rey couldn’t help but like Vega. She moved to shrug her shoulders, but her back seized up again and she gasped. Ben gave her a concerned look, but she waved her hand dismissively. 

“Don’t fret over her, Kylo. She’s tougher than she looks,” Vega said, noting the look on Ben’s face. 

He scowled at her, causing Rey to laugh briefly before the pain in her back stopped her. After a few minutes of walking they came upon Ben’s ship. By the time they boarded it Rey’s back was feeling a lot better, and she was squirming to be let down. But Ben refused to release her, stating that she needed her leg patched up first. He set her down once they were inside, and rummaged around until he found the medpack. Leonie approached him and gently placed a hand on his arm, causing a twinge of jealousy to rear inside of Rey.

“Let me do it. I caused the wound, I should mend it,” she said, smiling serenely. 

Ben glanced over at Rey, and then reluctantly handed over the medpack. He and Leonie walked back to Rey; Ben sat down next to her while Leonie took care of Rey’s leg. She still wasn’t sure what to think of Leonie. She seemed sweet and almost childlike, but she was also strange and lethal, and seemed to show little emotion one way or the other. She made Rey very uneasy. 

The other Knights made themselves comfortable as Leonie patched up Rey’s leg, the remaining four removing their masks at last. The man that Vega had called Torren had tanned skin and dirty brown hair, and he had a kind face. He smirked at Rey as she watched them, and she got an instant sense of friendliness from him. The other three were all men as well; One was large and burly with dark copper hair. He looked like he could pick her up and snap her in half with ease. The second was lithe and pale, with shaggy, dark blue hair that fell around his shoulders. He seemed to be generally disinterested in all of them. The last man was the tallest, and his dark brown hair was braided into cornrows that ended at the nape of his neck. Vega caught Rey eyeing them all in turn, and cleared her throat. 

“I suppose proper introductions are in order then? I’m Vega, as you know. That’s Leonie there. That is Torren.” He gave her a little wave. She pointed at the large man next. “That’s Malik taking up all the space on the ship, and over there we have Bando and Erek,” she finished, pointing at the blue-haired man and then the man with the cornrows. “And I don’t think we actually caught your name, little Jedi.”

“I’m Rey. It’s um… nice to meet you all,” she replied awkwardly. 

“Now perhaps. Though we certainly got off on the wrong foot, eh?” Torren said with a jovial grin. 

Rey found it very odd how easily they were able to joke about the fact that they had literally just tried to murder her, but she at least appreciated that they were trying to diffuse the tension. Ben was still seething silently beside her, trying to control his temper before addressing his former friends. Rey reached over and grazed his hand with hers, reminding him that he was not alone. This encouraged him, and he called for their attention. 

He explained everything, from the formation of the Force bond, to his current plan to gather allies and take out the First Order. The only thing he left out was his feelings for Rey, though it was quite obvious to everyone present. The Knights listened with rapt silence, as if they were merely being given details of their next mission. Rey was surprised that they didn’t ask a single question, and found herself envying their focus. After seeing the way they fought together and how quick they were to snap to attention, Rey knew without a doubt that they were formidable. She found herself glad that they had not yet joined the war, because the Rebellion would not stand a chance. 

When Ben finished talking, the Knights all looked towards Vega, as if waiting for her to ask the question on all their minds. She fixed her gaze on Ben and Rey, and shrugged.

“So what are our orders?” she asked.

Ben hesitated suspiciously, hardly daring to believe it had been that easy. “You… don’t have any questions? You’ll join me, just like that, and turn against the First Order?”

Vega laughed heartily. “We don’t give a crap about the First Order. We follow YOU, Kylo. We believe in restoring balance to the Force, and we couldn’t care less about the politics of the Galaxy. It’s about time you gave up that up as well. It’s good to have you back, boss.”

Ben was dumbfounded, and it took him a moment to reply. When he did, it was clear that he was touched. Rey felt sorry for him; he had spent so long having people turn on him and having to watch his back, that he actually expected his near lifelong friends to do the same. Whatever the Knights of Ren were, and however hostile their first meeting had been, Rey couldn’t help the flood of affection she felt for each of them. 

“Thank you… all of you,” Ben said with a small smile. 

“You lost your way; wandered off the path and started to drown in the darkness. But she found you, and guided you back, didn’t she? She led you back to your true path, and now you walk between the darkness and the light,” Leonie said in her strange, cryptic way. 

Once again all eyes were on Rey, and she blushed. “I just… gave him a chance. I didn’t do anything special…”

She received seven equally skeptical looks, and it made her blush deepen. But before she could say anything else, there was the sudden shout from outside, and the sound of dozens of blasters raised at the ready. 

“Come out of the ship with your hands in the air!” 

Rey froze, recognizing the voice as one of the Resistance officers. They must have followed Rey, or else spotted Ben’s ship landing on the horizon. She looked at him, and panic swelled inside her.


	14. Conflict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance has found Ben and the Knights of Ren. Rey struggles to maintain peace between them all.

“Come out now! We have you surrounded!”

The Knights of Ren scrambled to grab their weapons and were off the ship and ready to fight before Rey could even find the strength to stand. Ben looked pale and he grabbed his lightsaber, but hesitated. Rey struggled to her feet and grabbed her saberstaff, giving him a poignant look, and then the two of them followed the Knights off the ship. They were surrounded by dozens of Resistance troops, all of which had blasters pointed directly at the six of them. When Ben appeared, an audible whisper swept through the crowd, and suddenly every blaster was pointed directly at him.

Ben reacted swiftly, igniting his lightsaber instinctively. The Knights gathered around him, poised to strike. Rey hobbled out of the ship after them, and despite her urgency, she couldn’t help but be impressed by how seamlessly the seven of them moved into formation, even after Ben had been missing from the group for so long.

“Rey!” a voice called from the crowd.

She looked for the source, and spotted Finn standing a few feet away with an astonished look. His blaster was pointed right at Ben, and panic washed over her again. She limped ahead to put herself at the head of the group, her hands raised submissively.

“Don’t attack! They aren’t here to fight us!” Rey called loudly.

Finn stepped forward, and Rey suddenly remembered that he had been promoted to Lieutenant recently, and was likely leading her rescue party. She locked her eyes on him, silently pleading.

“You’re hurt,” he said, taking notice of her injured leg. “They did this? Did they try and capture you?”

“No! It’s not like that! Finn, remember what I told you! They are here to help us!

Finn looked conflicted for a moment, but as he glanced back to Ben, his resolve hardened.

“Arrest them,” he commanded.

Behind her, Ben and the Knights jumped into action, moving as one to block and parry the stunning shots that were suddenly fired upon them. Rey was caught in the middle, watching with horror as the Resistance soldiers moved in to attack directly, brandishing energy weapons of their own.

“Stop this!” Rey screamed, limping as quickly as she could towards Finn. “Please stop!”

Finn gave her a pained look, clearly shaken by the pleading tone of her voice. But Rey knew his duty to the Resistance came first. Desperate to stop the fighting, Rey ignited her own saber and began to parry the bolts that were flying in both directions, attempting to stop them from hitting either side. Her leg was still injured and caused her pain with every step, and she was having difficulty moving quick enough. A bolt came towards her and she narrowly deflected it, but the shot grazed her shoulder as it flew past. She let out a cry, and her leg gave out from under her.

“STOP!” came two voices in unison, causing the fighting to end immediately.

Ben and Finn met eyes for the briefest moment, both thrown by their simultaneous orders, and then Ben tore across the field to Rey’s side. Finn’s brow knitted in confusion as he watched Ben tenderly inspect the injury on Rey’s arm, and he sighed, making a decision he hoped he wouldn’t regret.

“Lower your weapons,” He called to the Resistance fighters.

Dozens of eyes fell on Finn, looking to him for confirmation that they had not heard his order incorrectly. Finn gestured for them to lower their blasters, and they did so hesitantly. The Knights of Ren kept their weapons at the ready, but they did not dare attack without Ben’s orders. Ben had hardly noticed that the battle had stopped; he helped Rey to her feet, his arms wrapped around her for support.

“Rey, I trust you. If what you told me is true, then _he_ will come without resistance, and the General can decide what to do from there,” Finn called, watching the pair of them warily.

Rey looked up at Ben, whose eyes were filled with a furious fire. He fixed his gaze on Rey, waiting for her to answer Finn.

“Ben, this could be our chance. Prove to them that you want the same thing they do… just… come peacefully and I _promise_ I won’t let anything happen to you. We will work this out,” she said pleadingly.

He studied her for a moment, then looked back towards the Knights. Vega caught his eye and shrugged, indicating that they would follow his example either way. “I don’t trust these people. How can I be sure they won’t kill me? Or them?” he said, gesturing to his friends.

“Do you trust me, Ben?”

Ben hesitated before nodding. “Of course I do.”

“Then trust that I won’t let anything happen to you, or them. We are in this together, remember? And if anyone even tries to hurt you, I will rain fiery vengeance down upon them.”

Ben couldn’t resist cracking a small smile at her words. “Alright, fine. We will come peacefully, for your sake.” He looked over at Vega, his smile quickly fading to annoyance. “Hand over your weapons… we surrender.”

Vega nodded, looking shockingly amused, then gestured to the other Knights. As one they dropped their weapons at their feet, and Resistance soldiers moved in swiftly to cuff their wrists. Finn strode over to Ben and Rey cautiously, keeping his eyes on Ben, who was still supporting Rey’s weight. Ben glowered at him.

“FN-2187. I can’t say it’s a pleasure to see you again,” Ben said scathingly, causing Rey to groan.

“It’s Finn. And the feeling is mutual.” He raised his hand out expectantly, wordlessly ordering Ben to hand over his lightsaber.

They glared at each other for a few silent moments, until Rey finally rolled her eyes and gently pried Ben’s saber from his hand. “I’ll hang on to it, okay? That is my compromise,” she said, addressing Finn.

He let out a low growl of frustration, but nodded. “Fine, but I’m still cuffing him.”

Rey nodded at Ben, who hesitated before releasing her and reluctantly raised his arms out to be restrained. Finn smirked in triumph, and slapped the cuffs around Ben’s wrists a little more roughly than was necessary. He signalled the soldiers to head back to the base, then gestured for Ben to walk ahead of him. He kept his blaster pointed at Ben’s back, enticing a glare out of Rey, who pointedly walked next to Ben. She grasped his arm, partially for support as her leg was now aching to walk on, but mostly to remind him that she was not going anywhere.

“How did you find us anyway?” she asked Finn, glancing over her shoulder at him.

“After you ran out of the base with no explanation, Leia told us you were in danger so we organized a team to find you. She said you had told her you were heading north, so we started off that way, and then we saw _his_ ship land nearby so we followed it.”

“ _He_ has a name Finn,” Rey said, annoyed.

“Way to go boss. You led them right to us,” Vega joked, overhearing the conversation.

Ben scowled at her, remaining silent. Rey could feel his anger bubbling just beneath the surface, and he was struggling to control his temper. He didn’t like being restrained, and he certainly didn’t enjoy the potential threat he was walking towards. Rey prayed that she wasn’t making a huge mistake.

“So… Finn, was it? Tell me something. Why do you hate Kylo so much?” Vega said, turning her teasing onto a new target.

Finn shot her a glare. “I used to be a Stormtrooper. I’ve seen with my own eyes the terrible things he has done.”

Rey could feel Ben’s arm tense, and she gave him a little squeeze to help calm him. Vega looked back at Finn with an unconvinced look.

“Okay, but why Kylo specifically? I can understand hating the First Order; they’re a bunch of power-hungry lunatics. But what did he ever do to you?”

Finn tried to ignore her, scowling at the back of Ben’s head. She smirked at his silence, and continued. “Is it because of Rey? Is that why? Are you jealous that he got the girl?”

Finn’s scowl deepened and he turned to Vega in anger. “First of all, I have a boyfriend. Second, you do realize that you are in our custody, right?”

Vega grinned, happy to see she was getting under his skin. “Do _you_ realize that we came willingly? You couldn’t hold us otherwise.”

Rey sighed as they continued to bicker. The wound on her leg was burning with pain, and the shot that had grazed her arm stung with blistered skin. She was exhausted and wanted nothing more to lie down, but she could sense just how tense and anxious Ben was and she knew she needed to be strong, not only for his sake, but for the sake of the Resistance. She could tell that he was struggling to keep his temper under control, and she worried that he might snap under the pressure. She couldn’t leave him now.

After walking for what seemed like hours, they finally made it back to the Resistance base. Heavily armed guards stood outside and on the ramparts, blasters pointed at the advancing party. Ben’s face was blank and stoic as he took in the sight before him, but under the surface his every instinct was telling him to fight and to flee. Rey had assured him that she would make sure nothing would happen to him, but that didn’t stop the weight of impending danger from crushing him. The hateful glares cast in his direction didn’t help assuage his anxiety. He had assumed he would not be met warmly, but the Resistance soldiers regarded him with murderous intent. He subtly reached out with the force, sensing his lightsaber which was attached to Rey’s belt. It comforted him to know that his weapon was within reach.

They were led inside the base and down a hallway towards what appeared to be an unused cell block. Clearly they had not been expecting to take prisoners when they moved in; the wing was covered in thick dust and smelled like mould. As they were turning into the cell block, a familiar presence caught his attention and he looked up sharply, stopping in his tracks. Leia was standing near the end of the opposite corridor, watching their progression with a stony face. Their eyes met, and for what seemed like an eternity they merely stood, regarding each other with equally unreadable expressions. Then Finn poked him in the back with his rifle and Ben was forced forward, feeling as if someone had just taken a blade to his insides. He hadn’t laid eyes on his mother in years, and the sight of her brought up both happy memories and wracking guilt.

The Knights of Ren were ushered into cells, and they entered without hesitation. All six of them seemed to actually be enjoying themselves, as if they were children playing a game. Finn led Ben over to an empty cell and gestured for him to enter. Ben hesitated; the thought of being locked in the small room before him made his heart pound anxiously, and he clenched his fists. Rey noticed this, and stepped in front of him.

“Ben, this is just temporary. I will go talk to Leia and have this sorted out, okay? Just relax, and remember that I will be back for you as soon as I can. I will not leave you here.”

He nodded at her, and while his face was emotionless, Rey could see the panic and turmoil in his eyes.

“We are in this together,” Rey said, trying her best to let her words calm him.

She closed the space between them, pressing her lips to his in a tender, lingering kiss. When she pulled away she was acutely aware that every Resistance member was staring at her in shock with the exception of Finn, who had turned away from them. But she didn’t care. She gave Ben a small smile that he tried and failed to return, and then he hesitantly entered the cell. The door was shut behind him, and Rey hoped with all her being that she could get him out of there before he snapped.

She followed the Resistance soldiers out of the cell block, catching up with Finn. He walked silently next to her for a moment, and then turned to her with a sigh.

“I get it now,” he said, looking dour. 

“Get what?”

“Why you want so desperately for Kylo Ren to be redeemed. You couldn’t bear to be in love with a monster.”

Anger surged in her, and she grabbed his arm to stop him. “He is NOT a monster! He has done terrible things, yes, but I know who he really is, and what lead him down this path. He has been through so much suffering and it twisted him into a dark version of himself. But he has changed; he is finding his way back to the person he was meant to be, not the Jedi his family expected, nor the Sith Lord Snoke forced him to be.”

Finn regarded her cautiously before casually pulling his arm out of her grasp. “I hope you’re right Rey. I truly do.” He turned and strode away down the hall, towards where Leia still stood waiting.

Rey followed him, rushing up to the General to begin her plea, but Leia raised a hand to silence her. “We will have this conversation in the war room. Please follow me,” she said, turning on her heel and marching down the hall. Rey let out an exasperated huff, limping along after Leia as quickly as her aching leg would carry her. The war room was filled with officers, including Connix, Finn, and Poe. Rey could see Rose sitting near the back as well, with several other engineers, pilots, and soldiers crammed into the room, eager to hear what was going on. Rey made her way over to Rose, who immediately vacated her seat and pushed Rey into it once she noticed the injury to her leg. Rey gave her a grateful smile, and sat with a groan. She quickly inspected the wound; it was thankfully no longer bleeding, but the cut had struck almost to the bone. It would take more than a single Bacta patch to mend it fully, but it was a start. 

“As you have undoubtedly heard by now, judging by how fast rumours travel through this base, we have successfully captured Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order. He was accompanied by what seemed to be his personal guard, who have also been taken into custody due to the actions of Lieutenant Finn and his squadron,” Leia began, causing the room to fall to silence.

A smattering of applause broke out, and a few people even cheered. Rose placed her hand on Rey’s shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze.

“However, I have recently received word that Kylo Ren in fact has been attempting to leave the First Order, and is seeking an alliance with the Resistance in order to bring the First Order down. I understand that many of you may find this difficult to believe, and I will admit that I count myself among you. But I must acknowledge the fact that he and his guard surrendered to our forces and willingly allowed us to take them into custody. Why they are here at all, we are not yet sure. But the fact remains that he has yet to strike against us, and this makes me wonder if an alliance is something he truly does seek.”

Whispers swept through the room like a rustling breeze as people discussed this news with their neighbours. Rey tried to hear what they were saying, but Leia raised a hand to silence them all.

“Since Kylo Ren has willingly surrendered, I believe it is fair that he is publicly questioned by a board of Officers, who will then convene to decide his fate. If he is found to be truthful and sincere, he will be kept here as a war prisoner until such a time that he can prove his loyalty to the Resistance. If he is discovered to be lying or otherwise forming a plot against us… he will be executed for crimes against both the Resistance and the galaxy. One way or another, we will bring the First Order down.”

“No!” Rey shrieked, struggling to her feet. She stared wild-eyed at Leia, contempt dripping from her entire being. “He is your son!”

“Which is why I truly hope he is sincere, but I cannot allow personal bias to cloud this decision, Rey. You have been convinced that he has changed for the better, and I have faith that you are correct. If you are proven to have been wrong about him, then my son is already gone and I will lose nothing that I have not already lost.”

Rey stormed forward, her hand instinctively flying to her saberstaff, but before she could grab her weapon or even speak, an alarm blared through the base. Everyone froze, startled, and then an Officer ran to a console to check for the source. She looked up first at Rey, then to Leia, her face full of fear.

“…First Order ships have been detected in orbit, General. They are preparing for battle.”

Rey and Leia locked eyes; Leia’s expression reflecting the crushing disappointment these words brought to her heart. Despite the piercing shriek of the alarms, all the sound seemed to vanish from the room and Rey was left feeling as if she were swallowed up into a void of nothingness.

Leia swallowed hard to summon her composure, then addressed the room with a shaking voice.

“Prepare for battle.”


	15. The Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The First Order has found the Resistance base, and battle ensues.

Rey barely had time to let Leia’s command sink in before the room around her descended into chaos as everyone scrambled to their stations. She saw Poe fly past her, BB8 at his heels, likely heading towards the hangar bay. Connix had run over to Leia, who now had her back turned to Rey and was typing away at a console. Finn ran out after Poe, shouting commands to foot soldiers. Rose however waded through the mess of people towards Rey. When she reached her, Rose grabbed her wrist and gently tugged her towards the door.

“Rey? Come on… let’s get out of here before they restrain you. You can’t help Ben if you’re thrown into a cell next to him,” she said calmly.

Rose’s use of Ben’s name shook Rey from her daze and together they hurried from the war room and back down the hall. Nobody seemed to take notice of either of them as they slipped down the hallway leading to the cell block.

“Let’s break him out now, while everything is in chaos. He can help us fight them off, and prove to everyone that he’s on our side,” Rose said optimistically.

Rey looked at her friend in shock. She felt an overwhelming wave of love and appreciation for Rose, and reminded herself to find a way to thank her somehow.

“You really trust him? You’re willing to risk this for him?” Rey asked.

“I know for sure that I trust you, Rey. Plus I saw the way he looked at you when he was brought in, like you were safety from the storm around him, so I have no doubt that he would do anything for you.”

“Rose, you are easily the best person I have ever met.”

She laughed, but Rey could see a blush creep across her friend’s cheeks. They entered the cell block and Rose ran over to a console nearby, attempting to override the locks. Rey busted open the weapons locker using a blast of the Force, gathering up the Knight’s weapons as Rose worked on the cells. After a couple minutes they heard the locks whir, and Rose let out a triumphant cry. Rey limped over to Ben’s cell, narrowly avoiding being thrown off her feet as the door was blasted off its hinges from the inside. Ben stood in the doorway, looking livid.

“What is happening?” he demanded, his fingers twitching anxiously.

The Knights exited their cells as well, casting curious looks to Rose as they gathered their weapons. Rey moved to Ben, grabbing his shoulders gently.

“The First Order is here… they must have tracked your ship,” Rey replied.

Ben looked confused for a moment. “But my ship doesn’t have a tracker on it… unless…” He recalled the smug look on Hux’s face after Ben had returned from Canto Bight, and remembered that his ship had been in for ‘routine maintenance’ before he had left again. Had Hux ordered them to install a tracker?

“That dirty, slimy, son of a bitch,” he growled, punching the wall next to him with excessive force. “Hux knew… he must have. I sensed that he was up to something…”

Rey unclasped his lightsaber from her belt, handing it over to him. He looked down at it, then back to her with an uncertain look.

“Now is your chance to prove to the Resistance that you’re on the same side. If anyone blames you for busting out, Rose can vouch that it was us who unlocked the doors and handed over your weapons.”

“I’ve got your back!” Rose called, striding over to them, a blaster rifle now in hand. “I’m Rose, by the way,” she added unnecessarily, waving at Ben.

Behind them Torren grinned. “I like her,” he said, casting his eyes over Rose, who blushed.

Vega stepped forward, her weapon at the ready. “What are your orders?”

Ben looked around at everyone, overwhelmed by the knowledge that they were all on his side and willing to fight for him. He released a shaky breath to steel himself before addressing Vega.

“Fortify the main entrance to the base; don’t let any of those First Order bastards through. If any Resistance soldiers give you trouble, stun them. But… keep them safe. We are on their side.”

Torren sauntered towards Rose, smirking. “You with us?”

The blush on her cheeks deepened, and she looked slightly startled that they would invite her to fight by their side. But she nodded determinedly. “I’m with you.”

“What about you, boss?” Vega said, rolling her eyes at Torren’s obvious flirting.

“Rey and I will head out front and help protect the melee fighters. As long as you’re up for it, of course,” he added, turning back to Rey.

Her leg still ached like crazy, but the looming fight sent waves of adrenaline through her, and she knew she would be able to fight through the pain. “We’re in this together.”

He took her hand and gave it a squeeze, too emotionally drained to smile, but appreciating her all the same. He beckoned for the Knights to move out, and the nine of them left the cell block together, racing towards the impending battle. By the time they reached the front entrance, they could tell that the fight had already started; there was the sound of blaster fire and shouts beyond the main doors, and they could hear the sound of the Resistance X-Wings launching into the air to meet the First Order starfighters. The Knights split into two groups, Rose with Torren’s group, and they took off in opposite directions to guard each side of the main ramparts while Ben and Rey headed out of the main doors to join the battle on the ground. Nobody questioned them as they ran towards the front line, lightsabers drawn and ignited. Rey imagined they must have looked quite terrifying, especially considering most of the Resistance had never seen her use a lightsaber before. She counted this as a blessing; the last thing they needed was someone trying to recapture Ben. 

Together they sped past the front line, straight into the heart of the Stormtroopers that were advancing on the Resistance ground troops, and a deadly sense of calm came over the both of them. They moved as one, feeling the same energy flow between them as it had when they fought the Praetorian guard, guiding their every move with precision accuracy. They instinctively knew when to duck, when to strike, and when to cover each other, and it wasn’t long before the Stormtroopers were pushed back to avoid the flurry of blue and red sabers. 

The troopers fell back to regroup, giving the Resistance time to do the same. Ben and Rey fell back, deflecting blaster bolts away from their fighters as they moved to join them. Finn was standing with a squadron, taking advantage of the short lull in the battle by shouting quick orders. He spotted Rey and Ben moving towards him, and a look of anger crossed his features. He stalked over to them.

“What is he doing here!?” he shouted, pointing his blaster at Ben.

“He is helping us defend the base! As are the Knights of Ren, so point that thing at someone who is _actually_ trying to kill you!” Rey snapped, her patience non-existent. 

“He is a _prisoner_ , Rey! How can you be sure that he didn’t lead them here? It seems awfully suspicious that the First Order shows up hours after he does!”

“What makes you so sure they didn’t track his ship? You know full well they are capable of it!”

“You are being naive Rey! How can you just forget who he is, or what he is capable of? He killed his own father!” 

“How can you just refuse to give someone a second chance, considering you were once with the First Order too? He is out here fighting to protect the Resistance, isn’t that proof enough?”

There was the sudden sound of blaster fire; a unit of Stormtroopers had advanced on them as Finn and Rey argued, taking advantage of their distraction. Ben had noticed them just in time, and as a bolt flew towards Finn, Ben used the Force to push him back, stepping into his path. Finn flew back a few feet and crashed to the ground, cursing. He scrambled to his feet, then froze at the sight before him. Ben stood where Finn had been seconds before, the blaster bolt frozen mere feet away from his chest. Finn had seen him do this once before, but it was still jarring to witness such power. 

More blaster fire sounded, and Rey leapt forward to parry the bolts away with her saber. Finn moved up as well, turning his own blaster on the Stormtroopers. Ben sidestepped the bolt and then released it, sending it exploding into the ground behind him before igniting his own saber and rejoining the fight. They moved as a team, Rey and Ben clearing a path through the troopers and Finn covering their backs with blaster fire. After clearing through the unit, they took cover behind a crashed TIE Fighter to assess the state of the battle. The Resistance fighters seemed to be pushing the Stormtroopers back, but the First Order had superior numbers that hit them like waves and evened the fight. Above them they could see Tie Fighters and X-Wings locked in an intense dogfight, though it was difficult to tell which side was winning from where they stood. Finn peeked around the smoking wreck of the ship, then turned back to Rey and Ben. 

“It looks like they’ve regrouped and are preparing for another strike. If we can move our way up the side there, we can get around to flank them while they’re distracted by the frontline fighters,” he said, gesturing around the side of the TIE Fighter. 

“Rey and I can cut our way though, if you can provide cover fire. Once we’ve carved a path, you follow us and we’ll take them out together,” Ben replied, gaining a nod of approval from Finn.

Rey looked between them with a frown, then rolled her eyes at their newfound camaraderie. Finn took cover behind the wing of the fallen Tie Fighter, firing off a few shots to give Rey and Ben a chance to charge. As they advanced, Finn moved up, taking cover where available and providing suppressing fire. But as they approached the flank, another squad swept in behind them, and they were pinned. Finn was forced to turn his fire on the squad advancing from the back, but he was left exposed. Ben doubled back to cover him, deflecting blaster bolts as Finn retreated behind him, firing at the advancing flank. Suddenly the two men heard Rey cry out; a trooper had rushed forward with a stun baton, and she was struggling to fight him off alone while still deflecting blaster fire. Finn turned his blaster on the forward squad, trusting Ben to watch his back. 

Ben tore through the advancing rear squad, Rey’s cry igniting a fresh rage within him. He harnessed the anger within him, allowing it to guide each brutal blow. As the last trooper feel he turned to rejoin Rey and Finn. He ran forward, watching Finn fire off shots as best he could while under fire, and as he moved to cover him, he heard Rey cry out again as the trooper landed a blow, striking her in the side. She collapsed as a shock of electricity jolted through her, and the trooper raised his weapon to strike again. Before Ben could rush to her defense, Finn fired a well-aimed shot at the trooper attacking Rey, and he fell. Rey staggered to her feet, clutching her side with one hand as she reignited her saber. Ben charged forward, satisfied that she would be okay, but as he did so he suddenly saw a figure a few yards off, standing on the ramp of a command ship. General Hux met Ben’s gaze with a malicious smile, and without thinking, Ben charged towards him. 

“Ben, no!!” Rey called as he cut his way towards the ship, but Ben had lost all sense of restraint. His one burning thought was to end the man before him, and every ounce of his fury fed his single-minded action. 

His first clue that something was wrong should have been the fact that the Stormtroopers between him and Hux seemed to sidestep out of the way, letting him pass. But in his blind fury he barely registered them at all. It wasn’t until he had charged halfway up the ramp that he realized it was a trap. Suddenly all the troopers that had let him pass turned on him, simultaneously firing stunning shots directly into Ben’s back. He was thrown forward, then tumbled off the ramp and onto the ground unconscious. 

“BEN!” Rey cried, her saberstaff swinging madly as she tried to get to him. 

Hux caught her eye, strode a few steps down the ramp, and then bent over to pick up Ben’s lightsaber, which had fallen from his grasp when he was hit. He waved it at her with a gleeful grin, then turned and strode back up the ramp.

“Fall back! We are done here… for now,” he ordered. 

Rey could see the troopers dragging Ben’s unconscious form onto Hux’s ship as the rest of the fighters began to retreat. She tried to run for him, but strong arms wrapped around her, holding her back. Finn had grabbed her from behind, stopping her in her tracks. 

“Let me go! I have to help him!” Rey cried, struggling to break free from his grasp.

“No Rey! It’s too dangerous! They will kill you before you step foot on the ship!” 

“LET ME GO!” Rey shrieked, elbowing him in the gut hard. 

Finn grunted in pain, but instead of letting her go, he threw her backwards onto the ground and fell on top of her, pinning her down as the wind was knocked out of her. “You can’t help him if you’re dead!” he growled at her.

Rey struggled fruitlessly against his weight for a moment, screaming at him to let her go. When he refused, she let her rage take control, firing a Force blast into his chest and knocking him clear off the ground and several feet away. He landed with a heavy thud, stunned by the blow. Rey struggled to her feet; fear for Ben had replaced the adrenaline she had been fighting with and now she was brutally reminded of each injury as she tried to get to the ship. But she was too late. The last of the troopers had cleared, and the ship was taking off. She sprinted after it desperately, screaming Ben’s name, watching helplessly as they disappeared into the sky. She fell to her knees, a cold emptiness creeping over her. 

Finn groaned somewhere behind her and rolled over, pushing himself up. He spotted Rey on the ground, sitting numbly on the spot where Hux’s ship had been moments before. He started towards her, but she suddenly stood and bolted back towards the base. 

“Rey? Where are you going?” he called, running after her. 

“I’m going after them!” she called, struggling to stay on her feet. 

“What?! Rey, that’s crazy!”

He caught up to her quickly in her weakened state, attempting to grab her arm, but she wrenched it away from him. 

“I can’t leave him, Finn! I have to go after him!” 

As they approached the main entrance, they were met by Rose and the Knights of Ren, who had come running out onto the battlefield during the retreat. 

“What’s going on? Where’s Ben?” Rose called, looking around for his dark figure. 

Rey ignored her questions and ran past her, only to come face to face with Malik, who hooked a hulking arm around Rey and held her in place with ease. Vega swiftly approached them.

“What happened?” she demanded. 

“They took Ben! I have to go after him!” Rey shouted, pleading for allies among the Knights. 

Vega regarded her carefully, shocked and angered at the news. She turned to Finn, wordlessly demanding confirmation.

“It’s true… he was captured and taken away on Hux’s ship,” he said, looking genuinely sorry. 

“Rey… you can’t just hop in a fighter and fly after them, “Rose said. “We just heard that they have a Star Destroyer in orbit and their guns are locked on us.” 

“What? Why are they just sitting there then?” Finn asked.

“They’re pinning us down. We can’t leave the planet without getting blasted out of the sky, so all we can do is sit and wait for them to destroy us. It’s fear tactics,” Vega said nonchalantly. “Or they want something from us. Either way, Rose is right. Following them is suicide. Even the Resistance X-Wings have all returned… you’d have no support up there.”

“BUT THEY HAVE BEN!” Rey bellowed, struggling to break free of Malik’s grasp. 

“I am aware, but we can’t help him if we are dead,” Vega replied.

“That’s what I said!” Finn remarked bitterly. 

Rey let out a cry of frustration, then drove her elbow into Malik’s gut like she had done to Finn. He barely seemed to register the blow. “Don’t do that,” he said in a gruff, slightly amused voice. 

She kicked at his shins futilely, then channeled another burst of her rage into the Force around her, knocking Malik backwards and causing everyone else to stumble. She took the chance to run for the base, but she was having difficulty keeping her pace. Rose regained her footing and chased after Rey without hesitation.

“Rey, wait! Stop!” 

Rey stopped, more so because her body was screaming with pain, and she turned to face her friend. “I’m going after him Rose, and there is nothing you can do to stop me.”

Rose smiled grimly at her, and nodded. “I know… I understand.” She reached out and pulled Rey into a hug. “And I’m sorry.” 

“Sorry? Sorry for wha-” Rey asked, but before she finished she felt a jolt of electricity surge through her, and everything went black.


	16. The Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has been captured by the First Order and is now in the clutches of Hux.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all SO MUCH for all the kudos and the incredibly thoughtful comments you have been leaving! It brightens my day every time I get one, and I cannot express how happy I am that you are enjoying my story! You're all amazing <3

Everything was cold, from the air around him to the hard steel he lay against. Ben slowly opened his eyes, his head swimming groggily. He was in an interrogation room on the First Order flagship. His shirt had been removed, his arms and legs were bound tightly – too tightly – to the interrogation chair beneath him, and judging by the dull ache in his upper arm, he could tell something had been injected into his body. He assumed this was why he was still feeling so out of it despite being fully conscious. It made sense; if he could not move or concentrate his chances of using the Force and escaping were greatly reduced. He struggled weakly against the restraints, looking around his limited field of view for a potential weapon. He saw nothing but the cold steel wall.

“Aah, you are awake. Good,” a drawling voice said from behind him.

General Hux came into his view, smirking maliciously. He stood before Ben, hands clasped behind his back. “I am pleased to inform you, that you have been relieved of duty. You may now call me Supreme Leader Hux.”

“The only thing I will call you is _slimy bastard_ ,” Ben spat, glaring at the man with disgust.

Without warning Hux lashed out, backhanding Ben across the face. His cheek stung, and he could taste blood in his mouth, but he refused to acknowledge the pain. He turned his face back to Hux, doing his best to muster a bored expression.

“You think you’re so clever, don’t you? But look where you are now,” Hux growled at him. “I knew you were lying about the death of Snoke. There is no way that scavenger rat could have killed him, knocked you out, and defeated the entire Praetorian guard alone. Oh yes, I’ve had my suspicions from the very beginning. But I had no proof. I watched for months as you struggled to fill Snoke’s place, waiting for you to make a mistake. I thought my chance had come when the plot for Onderon was revealed. I knew you had something to do with the Rebel’s escape, but once again I could not prove it. You had wriggled your way out once again.

But I was not the only one who had grown suspicious. One by one the other Officers shared their concerns, doubting your competence to lead the First Order. And then our chance came. Your little excursion to Canto Bight was the perfect opportunity. You see, unlike you, I have many friends and allies across the galaxy. It was not so hard to have you followed once you arrived, and guess what I was told?”

Hux paused for dramatic effect, though Ben already knew the answer. He was not surprised that the self-proclaimed Supreme Leader was taking his time to showboat; he never could resist an epic speech. Ben rolled his eyes, thinking that his preening was worse torture than the physical abuse he knew was coming.

Hux narrowed his eyes as he noticed Ben’s disinterest, striking him in the face once again. “Pay attention!” he demanded, his eyes glinting gleefully as blood seeped from Ben’s lip. He straightened his jacket, summoning his composure, then continued.

“My informant told me that you were spotted with a woman… brown hair, doe-eyes, rather pretty, considering her obviously poor upbringing; a woman who curiously fit the description of the scavenger rat. Apparently the two of you disappeared into your room and were not seen again for almost two days. I wasn’t certain, until he sent me this.”

Hux pulled something out of his pocket, and a small hologram image appeared before him. It showed Rey and Ben in the elevator on Canto Bight; they stood inches apart and staring into each other’s eyes with such passionate intensity that Ben could feel the same heat rise up in him that he had felt that night. He stared at the image of Rey’s face, fixing her features into his mind like an anchor.

The image flickered away, and Ben was left with nothing but Hux’s triumphant face. “Once I showed this to the other Officers, there was nobody left to convince. We knew we had you, but we also knew you were the key to defeating the Resistance once and for all. So we decided to monitor your transmissions, and installed a tracker on your ship. Luckily we got to it in time, since you decided to take off so quickly.”

“Congratulations Hux, for once you have managed to succeed,” Ben said scathingly.

Hux’s jaw twitched, but instead of striking him again he leaned in close, snarling dangerously. “This is only the beginning. Your precious Resistance is pinned; we have every gun trained on their base, ready to swat them out of the sky if they try to launch a single ship. We have troops surrounding every corner of the base, waiting to ambush anyone who tries to run. They are trapped, and it is all because of you.”

“Why don’t you just finish them now, if you have them under your boot?”

“Well, where is the fun in that?” Hux purred. “First we instill the fear of the First Order in them, cutting off their supplies, trapping them like the vermin they are. Then when they grow hungry and desperate, we offer a trade; their freedom in return for General Organa and the scavenger girl. Their allies will surely turn on them, but even if they don’t I can’t imagine either of those insufferable women would hesitate to sacrifice themselves for their so called friends. Of course, it will make no difference. Once we have Organa and the girl, we will destroy the crumbling remains of the Resistance and bring order to the galaxy once and for all.”

Ben laughed cruelly. “You’re a bigger idiot that I thought you were if you think Leia or Rey will fall for such a weak plan.”

Hux scowled at him, balling his hands into fists at Ben’s laughter. But to Ben’s surprise, he grinned. “Perhaps, but they will also see it as an opportunity to save you.”

The laughter died on his lips at Hux’s words and he realised with crushing certainty that he was right. Leia, perhaps, might not come for him, but Rey certainly would.

“That is why I am keeping you alive, for now,” Hux continued, satisfied with Ben’s reaction. “If we give them proof that you are alive, they will have hope. But they will only be walking into a trap. See, my plan is to make you suffer. Physically, yes, but before I am satisfied enough with your suffering to kill you, I want to break you. I will make you watch as I torture and murder your mother, and then I will turn on that scavenger rat. Oh I will make her suffer particularly, and you will see every horrible, painful moment of it, knowing she suffers because of you. Only then will I be satisfied with your death.”

Hux grinned; he looked crazed and bloodthirsty. Ben’s blood ran cold, knowing full well how vindictive and murderous the man before him could be. He couldn’t let him get his hands on Rey. He could only see two options; figure out a way to escape, or entice Hux into killing him before he could enact his plan.

“If my mother doesn’t kill you, Rey certainly will… and she will make you regret being born,” Ben said, grinning coldly.

This was clearly not the reaction Hux had been hoping for, and he snarled at Ben in anger. He strode out of his line of sight, returning moments later with Ben’s lightsaber. Ben struggled against his restraints, trying to summon the strength to call the saber to him, but it was in vain. Hux studied the weapon like a man would regard his lover, running his fingers over the hilt. It made Ben shudder.

“Such a rare weapon these days; Brutal… Efficient... Powerful.” He ignited the saber, its blade casting a red shadow like blood across his face. Hux smirked, then lowered the blade towards Ben’s forearm, letting it graze his flesh. He could feel his skin burning and blistering, and Ben couldn’t suppress the growl of pain that escaped him. Suddenly Hux stopped, extinguishing the saber. “That is the problem though; the heat of the blade cauterizes any wound it makes, and that just won’t do, will it?”

Hux tossed the saber onto the ground behind Ben, and then drew a sharp blade from his belt. “I would much rather watch you bleed.” He stepped forward, gently pressing the blade to Ben’s bare chest. He put pressure on the point, causing a bead of dark red blood to rise up and trickle down his skin. Hux grinned maniacally, and then drew the knife slowly across Ben’s skin. He managed to suppress his cry of pain, but his eyes squeezed shut and he panted heavily with the effort.

The blade was pulled away and Ben slowly opened his eyes as he regained his breath, his chest and arm now both stinging painfully. The gash Hux had left behind was shallow, but it was enough to make his skin slick with blood. The pain fuelled his rage, and as Hux stood before him sadistically eyeing the blood now dripping from the blade, Ben summoned his strength and reached out with the Force, closing it around the man’s windpipe. Hux’s eyes popped as the sensation took hold, and he gasped for air. Ben squeezed tighter, hearing the knife clatter to the floor. Hux made a gesture, and suddenly a Stormtooper had come up from behind where he had been silently waiting, raised his blaster, and struck Ben in the head, knocking him unconscious once again.

XXXXX

Rey awoke slowly, unsure of her surroundings. She felt warm and clean, and all the pain she had been feeling in her body was gone. The wound in her leg was wrapped in a clean bandage, and though it still felt tender, she could tell that it was nearly mended. She opened her eyes and found herself in the med bay, lying on a soft bed. She was wearing a medical gown and a robe, and had a blanket tucked in around her. She sat up, realizing that she must had been there for several hours if her leg was healed as much as it was.

“Woah there little Jedi, take it easy,” a voice came from the corner of the room.

Rey looked around and spotted Vega sitting in a chair, her feet propped up on a nearby table. “What happened? How long have I been here?” Rey asked, tossing the blanket off and swinging her legs over the side of the bed.

“Your friend Rose zapped you with a shock prod. It was pretty badass… that girl has a lot of spunk,” Vega said, dropping her feet back to the floor and standing. “And you’ve been out for almost twenty-four hours now.”

“What!? But what about Ben?”

“Don’t worry Jedi, we came up with a plan while you were snoring peacefully. Eat something, get dressed, and meet us in the hangar bay in twenty minutes,” Vega replied, pointing to a tray of food that had been left next to the bed.

“But…”

Vega didn’t wait to hear her reply. She gave Rey a casual salute, then strode from the room. Rey was confused, but if they had a plan, she was going to hear it. She hopped off the bed and stuffed a few bites of her breakfast into her mouth, chewing quickly as she collected her things. Clean clothes had been brought to her, so she threw them on and tied up her hair before scarfing back a few more bites, and then she left the med bay.

As she walked, Rey distinctly noticed that all eyes were on her. Every person she past seemed to stop and stare as she passed, and it was making her uneasy. What had she missed while she was unconscious? She quickened her pace, practically jogging towards the hangar bay. When she entered she spotted Vega immediately, standing by a small transport ship surrounded by the Knights, Rose, Finn, Poe, and Connix. Her confusion grew as she wandered over to them.

“What is going on?” she asked, eyeing them all suspiciously.

Rose gave her a sheepish wave, clearly feeling bad for having shocked her. Poe threw an arm around Rey, leading her over to the group. “Finn filled us in on everything that happened… I’m sorry about Kylo. That’s something I never thought I’d say, but I am.”

“Thanks Poe… is there any word?”

“We know he was taken to the Star Destroyer, but that’s about it. Finn told Leia about everything that happened and asked to lead a rescue mission, but…” Poe trailed off, glancing over at his boyfriend. “Leia said she couldn’t risk it. That it would be suicide. She did pardon this lot though,” he added, gesturing to the Knights. “Unfortunately I agree with Leia; they have every gun on that Destroyer ready to blast us to pieces. The only chance we have is to launch every ship at once and hope they can’t target us all… but even then we couldn’t get close enough to the Destroyer to board it.”

“So then what are we going to do? We can’t just leave him there!” Rey said, her desperation rising again.

“Of course not, that is why we’ve been plotting,” Connix said, grinning at Poe mischievously.

Rey looked around at the faces of her friends, her annoyance growing as they continued to speak cryptically.

“This ship here will be just big enough to carry the ten of you,” Connix continued, gesturing to the group. “I’ll stay here and make sure you have clearance to leave, and stop anyone who tries to prevent you from taking off.”

“Okay, so we steal a ship… how do we avoid getting blasted apart?”

“That’s where we come in… and you,” Vega said smirking. “Have you ever heard of Force cloaking?”

“Force cloaking? Sort of… I read about it in one of the Jedi texts.”

“So you’re familiar with the theory at least?”

“I… I think so. But even if I am able to cloak myself, that still doesn’t explain how I’m going to get onto the Destroyer in the first place.”

“Aah… but you’re not cloaking yourself,” Vega said. “ _We_ are going to cloak the ship.”

Rey stared at her, dumbfounded. “But… is that possible?”

“I don’t see why not, but it will take all of us to pull it off. It will take a great amount of effort and concentration to manipulate that much energy all at once, and none of us have ever used the technique before. So we might fail miserably.”

“Are you sure you want to try this then?”

“You got a better plan?” Finn asked, shrugging.

“You’re really willing to risk your life for him, Finn? And you?” Rey replied, addressing Rose and Poe as well.

“Look… I still don’t like the guy. But after what I saw out there on the battlefield… I can’t deny that you have changed him somehow. You were right… he deserves a chance. Plus he saved my life, so I kind of owe him,” Finn replied.

“You know I’ve had your back since the start, Rey. Also… sorry again for zapping you. But you needed time to heal…” Rose said with a small smile.

Rey returned her smile and waved her hand dismissively. She already knew Rose would never do anything like that without good reason, and hearing this plan made her glad she had a chance to restore her energy.

“I was in the air during the battle so I didn’t know what was going on down here until I landed, but after hearing that he fought on our side, and hearing that he saved Finn… I have no reason not to trust that he has changed,” Poe said. “By the way, _everyone_ knows that the two of you are… a thing now. It spread like wildfire the second the battle was over.”

“Well… that explains why everyone has been staring at me,” Rey said, annoyed. “So… if this plan works, what do we do once we get on the Destroyer?”

“The cloaking won’t hide us from their shield as we pass through it, but by that time we will be too close for their long range cannons to hit us, so all we have to do from that point is avoid any fighters and make a beeline for the hangar bay. It will probably be a crash landing, and we will probably be facing a fight the second we land. But we will have the element of surprise, so that should allow us to cut through the first wave and advance into the ship. We will split up from there; I will stay behind with a group and make sure we have a way to escape, you and Finn will take a few others and head towards the cell blocks, where he is likely being held,” Vega instructed.

“This plan is crazy,” Rey said, smiling despite herself.

“In my experience, the crazy plans tend to be the most successful about ninety percent of the time,” Poe said with a cocky smirk.

“Okay… so when do we start?” Rey asked, eager to get going.

“If you’re ready, we can go now. We prepped everything while you were unconscious,” Poe said, patting the ship’s hull affectionately.

“Let’s go then. And… thank you. Everyone,” Rey said, smiling at the group before her.

Vega headed into the ship, followed by the Knights. Torren threw his arm around Rose as he passed by her, giving her a charming grin that made her blush. Poe and Connix locked hands briefly. “Give them hell for me,” Connix said.

“Only if you keep our side off our backs,” Poe said with a wink.

He turned and caught up with Finn, and the two of them entered the ship as well. Rey walked over to Connix first. “Thank you for helping us. I know you are loyal to Leia, and I know it must be hard to go behind her back.”

“Eh. Sometimes the General is blinded by the bigger picture… I think she trusts me so much _because_ I enable button pressers like Poe,” Connix replied with a laugh. “Good luck up there Rey. May the Force be with you.”

Rey nodded, and then joined her friends on the ship. Poe had already made himself comfortable in the pilot’s seat, Finn sitting next to him as co-pilot. Rose and Torren were sitting together talking about their ship preferences. Rey noticed with a smirk that Rose seemed to be quite taken with him, and she was happy that she had finally moved on from her crush on Finn. Rey hoped they would both survive their crazy suicide mission and be given a chance to start a relationship. Erek, Malik, and Bando were sitting together discussing strategy with Vega, and Leoinie hovered silently near the entrance, lost in her own thoughts. Once they were all in and settled, Vega stood and addressed them all.

“So, teams. Finn, you will lead the Strike team since you know the layout of the Destroyer better than anyone. Rey, Leonie, and Bando will go with you. Bando is skilled in melee combat as well as blaster combat, so he can switch depending on what you need. I will lead the defense team; we will keep the hangar bay clear so when the Strike team returns, we can hop on a ship and get out. Malik and Erek, you’re with me on the floor. Rose, Poe, and Torren, take cover somewhere and cover us with suppressing fire. Any questions?” Everyone fell silent, content with the arrangements. “Good. Now, let’s get this cloak up.”

Vega moved to sit on the floor of the ship and the Knights joined her, forming a circle. Rey sat down in the space they had left for her, hesitant.

“Rey, you’ve reached out with the Force before, right?” she asked.

“Yeah, that’s not a problem.”

“Good. This will sort of be the same, except when you reach out, you will… grasp it, so to speak. Picture the space around the ship and form the energy to reflect our surroundings. If this works, we should essentially disappear, until we hit the shield anyway. Do you think you can do it?”

“I don’t have a choice, do I? If we fail, Ben will surely die.”

“Good enough,” Vega said, nodding.

They linked hands and closed their eyes, letting the Force link them. It was a strange, unfamiliar sensation to Rey, but it was also comforting and powerful. She could feel each of their heartbeats, each of their breaths, and she realized that they were breathing in unison as if they were one single organism. She felt a sense of calm come over her, and she reached out with the Force. She could sense Rose, Poe, and Finn, their hearts racing with fear and anticipation. She could feel Poe fire up the engines, and the space around the ship. She focused on that, forcing the energy to ripple like water. When it became still, she saw that the energy had become reflective, shimmering slightly. The ship took off and Rey focused all of her strength into maintaining that watery reflection.

She let go of her fear, her desperation, her anxiety, and thought only of the Force. It was exhausting, and within minutes the strain of the energy pushing back on her made her shake with the effort. But she refused to let it break her concentration. Before long she heard Poe’s voice cut across the calm silence of her meditation.

“We’re about to pass through the shields! Three… two… one…”

Suddenly everything came crashing back upon her with a sharp jolt. She opened her eyes with a gasp, overwhelmed by the sudden noise and sights of the physical world around her. She felt drained, but she mustered her strength. She could see the Knights suffering the same sense of exhaustion, but they at least seemed to be recovering quicker than she.

After a brief moment of calm, everything erupted into chaos. Alarms started blaring, guns were firing, and Poe was expertly navigating the space between the shield and the Destroyer.

“We’re coming in hard! Brace for impact!” he shouted.

They careened into the hangar bay, crashing roughly and skidding across the ground until they slowed to a stop. Blaster fire sounded immediately, and they could hear the shots bouncing off of the hull. Everyone readied their weapons and they looked around at one another, silently wishing each other good luck. Rey summoned her courage, thinking only of Ben, and together they dashed from the ship and into battle.


	17. Allies and Enemies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey & friends have infiltrated the First Order flagship in order to rescue Ben.

A surge of hot electricity shot through his body, making his muscles contract painfully. Ben let out a cry of pain as every nerve in his body fired in agony. After he had regained consciousness, Hux had tossed aside the notion of slow torture, and had instead decided to take out his vengeance by applying more direct methods of pain. A stun baton had done the trick; charged to the correct voltage and applied to the right places on the body, it dealt massive amounts of pain without rendering the victim unconscious. The sadistic grin that painted Hux’s face when he elicited his first screams of pain from Ben was enough to haunt his nightmares, though he was no longer sure he would live long enough to experience it.

The baton was lifted away, giving Ben a chance to recover. He panted heavily, every inch of his body aching. He could feel his spirit breaking, just as Hux had wanted. Burns, cuts, beatings; these were things he could endure, but each time the stun baton contacted his body, he was vividly reminded of every time Snoke had punished him with Force lightning. The pain was unbearable, but the memories they stirred forced him to relive his worst tortures and he couldn’t escape the feeling that he was that lost, abandoned boy again, trying desperately to understand what he had done wrong to displease his Master so greatly. His entire life seemed to be punctuated by one failure after another; failed son, failed Jedi, failed Sith apprentice. He had been a disappointment to every person in his life that had ever loved him or put their faith in him, and now it seemed he would fail Rey to. He didn’t deserve her. He had done nothing but make mistakes and bring death and misery to everyone around him. He hated himself, and that hatred was magnified by the knowledge that Rey’s life was in danger because of his actions; because in his infatuation with her he had allowed her to see the weak, pathetic side of himself and she had taken pity long enough to believe he was worth loving.

“Look at you; the mighty Kylo Ren. Look at what a snivelling mess you have been reduced to,” Hux crooned, watching Ben struggle to breathe. “Look how far you have fallen.”

Ben opened his eyes and peered at the hateful man before him. There was defiance in him yet, a single ounce of pride fueled by his hatred for his long-time rival and enemy. “At least when I die, it will have been to protect something real. What do you have? It’s only a matter of time before some new snake slithers in and kills you too. The First Order is a joke, a savage pit filled with venomous scum fighting to take control. And this is why you can never win; you fight for yourself. The Resistance fights for freedom, and the people of the galaxy will never stop fighting for it.”

Hux snarled at him, hovering the stun baton over his chest threateningly. “When the time comes, I am going to kill you myself. I am going to wrap my hands around your throat and watch the life drain from your eyes, and my triumphant face will be the last thing you will ever see.”

“Death will be a welcome reprieve then,” Ben said, managing a taunting smirk.

With a roar of anger, Hux shoved the baton into Ben’s ribs, sending pain rippling through his body once again. But Hux’s vengeful torture was cut short by the sudden wail of alarms, followed by flashing emergency lights. He pulled away, looking past Ben to where he knew two Stormtroopers stood guard.

“What is happening?” he demanded furiously.

“Sir, there is some sort of disturbance in the hangar bay,” one of the troopers replied.

Hux scowled down at Ben, hesitant to leave his prey, but he eventually relented to his duty. He tossed the baton onto a nearby table and picked up a blaster.

“Stay here and watch him. If anyone who is not me enters this room, kill them,” he ordered viciously, before striding out of the room, leaving Ben panting for breath, hardly daring to hope that his salvation was near.

XXXXX

“General Organa, I’ve just received a strange report,” a Resistance officer said, striding up to Leia in the main war room.

Leia turned to the man with a wary sigh. “What is it?”

“It seems that one of our transport ships has gone missing.”

“Missing? How does an entire ship go missing?” Leia asked skeptically.

“I’m not sure ma’am… but it looks like it had been prepped for takeoff about an hour ago, and now it is gone.”

Leia furrowed her brows at him. “Well it can’t have gone far; if it had left the hangar it would have been shot down, and exploding ships are hard to miss.”

“Like I said, it is a strange report,” the man said in agreement.

Leia pondered this information, wondering how a transport ship could possibly vanish. She glanced over to Lieutenant Connix, who was tense and pretending not to listen to the conversation. Leia’s mind grew suspicious, and she pushed a button on the console before her to open a comlink to the medbay. A woman’s voice answered.

“Yes General?”

“Tell me… Is Rey still there with you?”

“No ma’am, she left about a half hour ago. Would you like me to find her?”

“Don’t bother… I know where she is. Thank you.”

Leia cut the call and fixed her attention on Connix. The young Lieutenant looked up sheepishly, though there was defiance in her eyes. “What is going on?”

“Poe, Rey, Finn, Rose, and the Knights of Ren stole the ship and are attempting to rescue Kylo Ren from the Destroyer,” she said, knowing there was no point in lying.

Leia closed her eyes, giving a frustrated sigh. “You didn’t think to inform me of this?”

“I’m sorry ma’am… but I helped them.”

“I should never have let you and Dameron become friends… you two will be the death of me,” Leia said with exasperation. “How do they expect to avoid getting blasted out of the sky?”

“I’m not sure exactly how it works, but Vega said something about ‘Force cloaking’. It must have worked, because they departed about ten minutes ago. I imagine they’ve reached the Destroyer by now.”

Leia sighed again, mulling over the information she had received. She had to admit that she was surprised so many people were willing to fight for her son. Rey she had expected to be reckless; her feelings for him were obvious. But Finn? Dameron? Even Connix? Leia had hardly dared to hope that her son could be saved, even after everything Rey had told her. But surely if members of the Resistance, especially ones who had personal reasons for hating Kylo Ren, had decided to give him a second chance, then how could she justify not doing the same?

“General, if I may?” Connix said, breaking Leia from her thoughts.

“What is it?”

“By now they should have boarded the Destroyer… which could prove as a distraction from us. In turn, perhaps we could help out Rey and the others? If we launch every fighter we have and start an attack, their attention will be divided between us and the infiltration team.”

It was a crazy idea. Even if the First Order was distracted, they would still fire on any ships leaving the planet, and it was a huge risk. However, almost everyone that Leia loved was on that Destroyer, and they were there fighting to save her son. She had made so many mistakes as a mother, but she would not abandon her child now, not when she was so close to getting him back.

Leia straightened her back; even at her short height, she never failed to draw the attention in a room when she commanded it. “Ready every fighter we have and prepare for battle. Send in the Starfighters first to clear a path, and then send up foot soldiers on transports and ram through their shields. Connix, send a message out across the galaxy; tell our allies that we have a chance to strike at the heart of the First Order, and we need every last unit they can provide. Today we turn the tide of this war. Today, we will bring an end to the tyranny that haunts us. Today, we shall be victorious.”

The effect was immediate; every person in the room scrambled to their stations, shouting orders and prepping systems. Connix grinned at Leia, then ran to her station to broadcast their message to every ally they could reach. Leia hesitated for only a moment, contemplating her own role, but then made up her mind.

“Prep my command ship, and somebody find me a blaster. This is one battle I would rather join than dictate.”

XXXXX

Rey had barely exited the ship when she was met with a hail of blaster fire. She jumped to action, her saberstaff a blur of blue as she deflected the shots away from the rest of the group. Within seconds the shots were returned from behind her as their own ranged fighters joined the battle. In her periphery, Rey saw Vega, Malik, and Erek dash ahead and enter the fray; Vega swiftly striking away at everyone in her path, Malik beating down troopers one by one with his custom heavy vibroblade, and Erek brutally cleaving his way through the crowd with his vibro axe. Rey followed in their wake, Finn and Bando covering their advance with suppressing fire and Leoinie next to her, her pike striking with deadly accuracy.

Together they advanced towards the main doors of the hangar bay and out into the hall. Someone had raised the alarm, and flashing emergency lights punctuated the chaos of the fight alongside the ear-splitting alarms that echoed down the corridors. Once clear of the combat in the hangar, Finn took the lead, guiding them towards the cell block. Leonie took the rear, fighting off any advancing troops that tried to flank them. They moved slowly through the winding halls, fighting every step of the way. Rey stuck to the middle of the group, her weapon a little too large to risk using in such cramped combat, but she had quite gotten the hang of the Force push technique, and utilized it to blast their way forward.

As they made their way into the Destroyer, a sudden blast from somewhere above shook the walls, nearly making them stumble.

“That sounded like a bomb strike!” Finn called, regaining his footing and pushing forward. He patched a comlink through to Poe, looking for an update.

“Poe, come in! What’s going on over there?”

_“Finn, you’ll never believe it! The Resistance is attacking!”_ Poe’s voice called from the static.

“What? Seriously?”

_“And it looks like they called for allies too; ships are dropping out of Hyperspace and giving the First Order hell!”_

Finn cheered gleefully, and charged forward with renewed vigor. “Keep me posted!”

_“You too. Good luck out there!”_

The comlink crackled and fell silent, both men returning to their tasks. Finn led them down a few more corridors eventually they came upon the cell block, which was nearly abandoned in the chaos of the fight. As they moved forward, Rey felt a familiar presence ahead, and cried out in joy.

“Ben!” she called, breaking from the group and heading into the cell block alone.

“Rey! Come back!” Finn yelled after her, watching as she cut through the remaining guards with her saber.

Rey let the Force guide her; she had no idea which room he was in, but she let her instincts lead the way. She met little resistance along the way, as most of the troopers had left to join the fight in the hangar bay, but those she did meet were swiftly brought down in her determination to get to Ben. She passed by a sealed door and suddenly stopped, turning towards it. Here. She could feel him, his energy pulsating towards her like a heartbeat. She drove her saber into the locking mechanism, and the door hissed open. Immediately she was met by two troopers, but she had caught them by surprise and they didn’t stand a chance against her blows. She bolted into the room, spotting him immediately, bound to an interrogation chair. He was bruised, cut, and bloodied, but he was alive. He looked up at her as she came into his field of view, hardly believing she was real.

“Ben!” she cried, swiftly moving to remove the shackles that bound him.

“Rey?” he said weakly, her voice restoring his resolve.

She pulled him free just as Finn, Leonie, and Bando ran into the room, skidding to a halt in the doorway. Ben slid free of the chair, leaning on Rey for support, breathing in her scent as if to confirm that she were real. She wrapped her arms around him, letting her strength renew his own.

“Rey… I was so afraid I would never get to tell you…” he muttered, holding her tightly despite the ache in his body.

“Tell me what?” she replied, stroking his hair gently.

“I love you.”

Rey looked up at him with a warm smile. “I know,” she said, tears springing to her eyes.

Ben looked shocked for a moment, his mind suddenly swimming with memories of his father, and then he laughed. Rey looked at him confused. “What?”

“My parents used to say that to each other,” he said, stroking her face affectionately.

Rey blushed. “Well, I know because I feel it too. I love you, Ben, and we are getting out of here.” She looked down at his bare, battered chest. “Why are you never wearing a shirt?” she teased.

Ben smiled, then leaned in and kissed her hard. Despite his wounds and aching body, he found that her energy revitalized him. He knew that having her near would give him the strength to fight, and he never wanted to lose that.

Behind them Finn cleared his throat, and the two lovers broke apart. “I hate to interrupt, but we’re sort of in the middle of a rescue… so maybe save this for later?” he said, amused.

Rey and Ben grinned at each other, and then he moved swiftly to the back of the room to find his shirt and his lightsaber. Every movement hurt, but the lightness in his heart drove him to action. He quickly dressed and gathered his things, then turned around and nodded at the group.

“Let’s get out of here,” he said.

They made their way out of the room and back the way they came. Ben looked around at the destruction they had caused on their way in and couldn’t help but be impressed. It wasn’t exactly easy to infiltrate a First Order Star Destroyer, but they had not only done just that, but they had also fought their way to him. 

“How did you get onboard?” he asked, stepping over downed troopers. 

“We rammed a ship into the hangar bay and took them by surprise,” Finn replied, a hint of pride in his voice. 

“The other Knights, Poe, and Rose are back in the hangar bay keeping them distracted,” Rey added. 

“How did you manage to surprise them when they have every gun trained on the base?” Ben asked, confused. 

Bando and Leonie grinned at each other. “We used the Force cloaking technique to mask the ship until we passed through the shields,” Bando said.

“I’m guessing that was Vega’s idea?” Ben replied with a smirk.

“Of course it was,” Bando said with a laugh. 

“So how do we escape now? Even if we make it back to the hangar bay and board a ship, they will just shoot us down, won’t they?” Ben asked as they turned out of the cell block and into the main corridor. 

“Well actually, Poe just informed me that the Resistance and all of our allies have launched an attack against the first order. I guess Connix must have told Leia our plan, and she must have decided to lend us a hand. So I’m pretty sure the Order’s guns will be preoccupied,” Finn replied grinning. 

Ben could scarcely believe that so many people had made an effort to come rescue him. He knew he had a long way to go before he earned their forgiveness or their trust, but the fact that they were at least willing to let him try meant more to him that he could ever express. 

They followed their path of downed troopers back towards the hangar bay. The corridors were eerily quiet; they had expected more soldiers to head them off on their way back, but they didn’t see so much as a droid as they made their way back. Only Finn and Ben grew suspicious at the ease with which they made their way through the halls, the others content to believe most of the soldiers had either joined the fight in the hangar bay or had been preoccupied fighting off the Resistance. They moved into a large, open intersection where four corridors met and Finn halted, peering around cautiously. Ben clutched his saber a little tighter and moved up close to Rey, causing her to give him a curious look. 

“Everything okay?” she asked.

“Something’s wrong,” Ben said, slowly turning on the spot and peering past the smoke and flickering lights that filled each corridor. 

Finn backed up towards the group, his blaster held at the ready. “He’s right… we should have met resistance by now. Maybe we should backtrack and take another route to the hangar bay.”

“Won’t that take longer? Maybe they’re just busy fighting everyone else,” Rey said, tensing up at their hesitation. 

“It will take longer, but we’ll hopefully throw them off of our trail if we do it,” Finn replied.

“You are too late for that,” a voice called over the alarms, echoing around the empty space. 

Stormtroopers suddenly emerged out of each corridor, surrounding them. Rey and Ben ignited their sabers ready to deflect incoming shots, but the troopers merely held their weapons at the ready. Footsteps approached from the corridor across from the group, and out of the shadows came General Hux, carrying a large First Order issue stun baton and grinning cruelly. 

“Well well well… _two_ traitors in my midst. Welcome back, FN-2187,” he crooned.

“His name is Finn,” Ben spat, enticing a shocked look from Finn. “And you can call us traitors if you like, but you have lost Hux. You would do well to surrender.”

Hux laughed, the sound as shrill as the blaring alarms. “I have you surrounded. You cannot escape now.” 

He strode forward and brandished his weapon towards Ben, then signaled the troopers to fire. Blaster bolts fired in every direction, and the scene erupted into chaos. Finn and Bando each dove for cover behind some nearby debris, returning fire while Rey and Leonie bolted off to either side of Hux to attack the troopers attacking from behind him. Ben fixed his eyes on Hux, cutting his way through the troopers that had moved in to cover him. His movement was slower than usual and his body was aching with every swing, but adrenaline pumped through him and this time he would not let Hux get the best of him. 

Ben made his way to the centre of the fray where Hux stood, his saber finally meeting his stun baton. Sparks flew around them as they clashed, and Ben realized with annoyance that Hux was managing to keep up with him in his weakened state. 

“Feeling a little sore, Ren?” Hux taunted. He wasn’t gaining much of an advantage over Ben, but he was deflecting each saber attack with relative ease, a feat they both knew was due to Ben’s injuries. 

The others however were still at their peak, and soon they had taken down most of the surrounding troopers. Finn saw an opening and fired, his shot grazing Hux across the shoulder. This momentary distraction was all Ben needed; he swung his saber hard, knocking the stun baton from the General’s hands. Without a second thought Ben’s free hand came out, manipulating the Force to constrict around the man’s windpipe. Hux grasped at his throat, gasping for air.

“Feeling a little sore, Hux?” Ben mimicked, his expression murderous. 

“I...surrender…” Hux choked, futilely clawing at his throat.

“I deny your surrender. Only death is fitting for a snake like you,” Ben spat, channeling every ounce of Kylo Ren within him.

Suddenly Rey’s voice called across the chaos, reaching Ben through the darkness that was enveloping his mind. “Ben! Don’t do this!”

He looked up at her; she was standing a few feet behind Hux, her eyes fixed on him. His resolve began to waver at the sight of her.

“Ben, don’t let him drive you back into the darkness! He isn’t worth it!” 

He looked from her pleading face to Hux’s, which was slowly turning a sickening shade of purple as he suffocated. Rey was right. This pathetic excuse for a man wasn’t worth losing all the light he had left. He wouldn’t let Hux win by turning him back to the dark with his death. He released his grip, and Hux collapsed to his knees, doubled over and gasping for breath. 

Rey only had a moment to be relieved; one of the remaining troopers took advantage of her distraction and attacked, causing her to shift her focus away from Ben. He strode towards Hux, staring down at him with contempt and loathing. 

“I will let the Resistance decide your fate,” he growled, fighting every urge to destroy the man before him. 

Hux began to laugh, raspy and psychotic. “And that will be the last thing you do.”

Without warning Hux pulled a small blaster pistol from his belt and fired. Ben moved his lightsaber to block the attack, but he had not been expecting the shot and the bolt flew true, hitting him in the torso. He let out a low grunt of surprise, noting the irony that the shot had struck him almost exactly where he had stabbed his father almost a year prior. He took a stumbling step backwards, then fell to his knees. 

“NO! BEN!!” Rey screamed, seeing him fall. 

Hux got to his feet and pointed the blaster directly at Ben’s head. Rey let out a scream of rage, swinging her saberstaff with desperation to shake off the trooper that had her pinned. Hux smirked down at Ben, who was clutching his wound and struggling to breathe. 

“Goodbye, Kylo Ren.”

Hux’s finger moved to squeeze the trigger, but before he had the chance an ice-blue laser blade pierced through his chest, and he froze. Rey stood behind him, her saberstaff held aloft. She looked fierce and vicious, and as she yanked the blade out of Hux, she let out another cry of rage. He toppled backward, the pistol clattering to the floor, and fell still with a mundane finality. 

“Rey…” Ben whispered, reaching out toward her as everything started to spin. He felt himself fall, and then there was nothing.


	18. Victory and Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's life hangs in the balance as the Resistance makes a final push on the First Order.

Rey did not hesitate; she ran to Ben’s side and inspected his wound. It was bleeding quite badly, and she knew he needed medical attention immediately. She looked up at her friends looking for anyone who could help her, but they were all preoccupied with finishing off the last of the troopers.

“Ben… Ben _please_ … stay with me!” she begged, putting pressure on his bleeding wound. 

His eyes fluttered at the sound of her voice, and he let out a groan of pain. Finn was suddenly at their side, and Rey took a moment to appreciate the look of concern on her friend’s face. 

“We need to get him out of here now,” he said, ripping open Ben’s shirt to get a better look at his wound. 

He frowned, but reached for his belt and pulled off a small medpack. He ripped it open and pulled out a bacta patch and some gauze, dabbing away as much blood around the wound as he could before applying the bacta patch. 

“This should slow the bleeding a little, but we need to get him to a medic as soon as possible. This won’t save his life,” Finn said as he reattached the medpack to his belt. 

The sounds of blaster fire died, and Leonie and Bando joined them. Ben was conscious, but barely. Finn nodded to Bando, and together they hoisted Ben up, his arms around their shoulders.

“Rey, you take point. Cut down anyone who stands in your way. Leonie, take the rear, and don’t let them flank us. Move out!” Finn ordered, and Rey obeyed, thankful for his battlefield training.

They moved as swiftly as they could through the wreckage, thankfully encountering little resistance along the way. Any trooper who came towards them was struck down instantly. Rey had no time for mercy; her sole focus was getting Ben to a medic. She could hear him taking quick, shallow breaths behind her as he struggled to stay conscious. He had given up trying to use his own feet and had relented to letting Finn and Bando half-drag him down the corridors. The sound around him seemed echoey, and his vision was a blur. He wanted nothing more than to lie down and fall into unconsciousness, but he fixed his eyes on Rey and fought the temptation, for her sake. 

After what seemed like an eternity, they made their way to the hangar bay, and almost skidded to a stop at the sight that greeted them. Resistance ships had landed in the bay, and their fighters had poured out into the corridors, helping Vega and her team fight off wave after wave. As soon as Rey had broken through the lines of oncoming troopers, she saw Connix and Poe at the end of the corridor, preventing the First Order soldiers from advancing. They looked up as the group approached, and waved them through. Poe took a moment to squeeze Finn affectionately on the shoulder, sending him a silent message of relief to see him safe. Connix took one look at Ben and pointed into the hangar bay. 

“Get him to the command ship! They will have medics on board!” she shouted, turning back to the advancing troops. 

The chaos inside the bay was just as overwhelming as it had been in the corridors, though there were far fewer First Order troops. The ones that remained had taken cover and were attempting to retake the hangar, but the Resistance fighters were holding them off with ease. Still, blaster fire flew in every direction, and Rey had to dodge and deflect quite a few rogue bolts as they made their way towards the looming Resistance command ship. When they got closer, Rey nearly stopped again; she had spotted Leia not far from them. She had taken cover behind some crates stacked near her ship and was raining fire upon the First Order fighters, yelling commands to her own troops. Ben looked up at the sound of her voice, and he squinted at her as if not entirely sure that she were real. 

Leia suddenly looked up at them, sensing her son’s presence. Worry washed over her face at the sight of him, and she immediately called for a medic, her commanding voice carrying clear across the battlefield. 

Rey led them to the ship just as two medics hauled a stretcher down the ramp. Finn and Bando gently guided him on to it, then turned to cover Leia who had ran from her vantage point towards her son. Ben looked up at her, his eyes fluttering as he struggled to stay conscious. He reached out a shaking hand, and she grasped it in both of hers immediately.

“Mom…” he said, his voice weak and barely audible. 

“I’m here Ben. I’m here,” Leia whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

“Ma’am, we need to get him to a proper facility. We can’t do much for him here,” one of the medics said.

Leia kept her eyes locked on her son, but she nodded. “Evacuate the wounded and get them back to the base immediately.” 

Rey took Ben’s other hand and squeezed it, and his eyes found hers. “I love you Ben. Don’t you dare leave me now,” she said with a small, reassuring smile. 

Ben nodded slowly, closing his eyes as feeling a creeping cold coming over him. Both of his hands were suddenly freed, and he realized that he was being brought into the ship. He opened his eyes again and tried to find Rey and his mother, but all he saw was white-clad medics and the cold steel of the ship’s interior. One of the medics was speaking to him, but he couldn’t hear her. His surroundings blurred together and for a moment all he could see was blinding light, but it was swiftly followed by cold, encompassing darkness and he fell back into nothingness. 

XXXXX

Rey and Leia stood in the hangar bay watching the command ship take off, holding each other’s hands tightly in a silent prayer for the man they both loved dearly. Neither woman could justify leaving the battle now, not when they were so close to victory, so they had opted to stay behind. It hurt to leave Ben alone, but they both knew there was nothing they could do to help him now. All they could do was end this war once and for all, and keep their minds distracted by the fight ahead. After a brief moment of mutual comfort, they both turned their backs on the retreating ship and rejoined the fight. Leia took off to join Finn and Bando, and Rey bolted forward to help the advancing Resistance fighters as they moved to take control of the ship.

As she bolted for the door she saw Rose and Torren above her, firing down on the First Order troops from the upper balcony. Rey waved to them briefly as she passed, speeding out into the corridor. Leoinie had joined Vega, Malik, and Erek, and together they were tearing a path through the oncoming Stormtroopers coming up the left side. Rey knew the troopers didn’t stand a chance, so she instead turned to join the right side where Connix and Poe were still raining hell down upon anyone who got within blaster range. She ran up to them and took cover, her saberstaff clutched tightly in her hand.

“How’s Kylo?” Connix yelled over the chaos.

“I don’t know… they took him away in the command ship so they could treat him in a proper facility,” Rey replied, fighting back the panic and grief that threatened to overwhelm her.

“He’ll pull through Rey, I’m sure of it!” Connix said, casting her a reassuring smile.

Rey nodded in appreciation, forcing a small smile in return.

“That was brave of you to stay behind Rey!” Poe called, chancing a glance back at her. “Now, let’s end this war so you can go nurse your boyfriend back to health!”

“We need to get through to the command center!” Connix explained. “But we’re having trouble cutting through their lines! The Knights headed down the left path to protect our flank, but we need someone to cut through the front. Can you help, Rey?”

She nodded, and she had no doubts that she could. Rey channeled every raging emotion within her and focused it on one thought; Ben. The sooner they took the command center, the sooner she could return to Dantooine and see him.

“Cover me! I’ll cut a path!” Rey called. She lept up and ignited her saber, cutting through the troopers in a blur of burning blue. Poe and Connix followed her decent down the corridor, covering her with suppressing fire. As they moved into the ship, Finn came running up from behind followed by Leia, Bando, and about a dozen Resistance fighters. Rey fought her way forward as Finn shouted directions towards the bridge. The closer they got, the more firepower the First Order threw at them, but Resistance fighters and their allies were flooding in to support Rey’s group. They had secured the main hangar bay with relative ease because of their initial surprise attack, and it gave them the foothold the needed to throw all their fighters at the Destroyer. Because of this, the spirits of the Resistance members were high, and they pushed forward despite the increased security.

Finally they reached the bridge; the large blast doors were shut tight and locked down, and the area was heavily fortified. Rey found herself having to pull back slightly, using her saber to block oncoming shots instead of trying to advance. As she backed towards the Resistance fighters, she saw a barrage of bolts fly all around her, and she realized that their numbers had more than doubled in their push through the destroyer. Erek and Leonie had doubled back and rushed forward to Rey, ready to join the offensive.

“Where’s Vega and Malik?” she called to them over the noise of the battle.

“They went to join Torren and Rose in defending the hangar bay, though it’s pointless now; we’ve got the First Order on the run! Several officers have already surrendered!” Erek said, grinning in amusement.

He hefted his large vibro axe into a striking position, and Leonie followed suit by raising her pike. Rey nodded at the two of them, and together they charged the First Order guard, another volley of blaster bolts raining down from behind them. Bando rushed forward shortly after; he had switched from his blaster to his vibroblade, clearly not wanting to be left out of the fun. Once again Rey couldn’t help but marvel at how seamlessly the Knights of Ren fought together, and she made a mental note to spend some time training with them if they all got out of the battle alive.

Even the heavy guard posted outside the bridge was no match for the full power of the Resistance forces, three Knights of Ren, and the Last Jedi, and soon those who had not been killed were either surrendering or trying to flee. Rey took this opportunity to study the panel beside the blast door, but it was more advanced than she was used to. She started to panic, wishing Rose had come along.

“Can anyone override this?” She shouted into the crowd of Resistance fighters and allies that had formed behind her, but over the general noise her words mostly fell on deaf ears.

Bando appeared at her side, studying the panel with a frown. “Torren is our tech guy, but I might be able to override the security locks. This is pretty out of my depth though…”

“Yeah… same,” Rey lamented, not wanting to waste another minute on this war when she needed to be by Ben’s side.

“Sometimes direct force is the most viable solution,” Leonie said, suddenly appearing at her other side.

She seemed to be studying the panel as well, despite her inability to actually see it. Rey glanced at her and was met with a mischievous smile. Leonie reached down and gently ran her fingers over the hilt of Rey’s saberstaff, which was still clutched in her hand. Rey found the gesture odd, but she had understood its meaning. She nodded once, and then moved to stand directly before the blast doors, hoping this would work.

“Stand back!” She demanded, igniting her saber.

She drove the blade into the doors and was instantly met with blinding sparks, smoke, and the scent of melting metal. Rey could hardly believe it was working as she slowly began cutting a large hole into the doors, but her blade cut through the thick steel with ease. After a minute she retracted her saberblade, leaving behind a large, rough-cut circle large enough for people to pass through. She smirked, and then sent a Force blast directly at the center of the circle, sending the cut out portion of the door to go flying into the bridge with a crash. Immediately she raced through, followed by Leonie, Bando, and Erek. The officers inside were thrown off guard by the large chunk of metal door that had just come flying at them, and had barely pulled the triggers on their blasters as they entered the command center, deflecting the bolts with ease. Several officers dropped their weapons and fell to their knees in surrender, while several others rushed forward in a suicidal attempt to bring the Last Jedi down with them. But they fell in vain as more Resistance troops rushed through the doors and shot down anyone who dared raise a weapon.

Connix and Leia rushed forward to a console as the last of the First Order officers and guards were dealt with, and after a couple of minutes the blaring alarms went silent. Connix nodded to the General with a grin, then Leia began to speak, her voice amplified and projected throughout the entire ship.

“Attention associates of the First Order; my name is General Leia Organa, leader of the Resistance, Princess of Alderaan, Rebel war hero… and now your liberator. This battle is over. The Resistance has taken the bridge and now has full control of this Star Destroyer. Surrender immediately and you will be taken into our custody and be given the chance to redeem yourself to the galaxy. Refuse… and your life will be forfeit. The time of the First Order is at an end. Now that we have taken your flagship, it is only a matter of time before the Resistance and its allies hunt down and destroy the rest of your bases, ships, and outposts. Your leaders are gone. Your regime is over. Choose the path of light, and help us finally bring peace to the galaxy. Choose peace, so you may return to your families and loved ones and start rebuilding a better life. Let us work together for once, and end this vicious cycle of war. May the Force be with you all.”

Something about Leia’s words didn’t sit right with Rey. Ben’s words about the corruption of the Republic came back to her, and she couldn’t help but be reminded of the First Order as the announcement was broadcast to the ship. She hoped they hadn’t made a huge mistake in trusting Leia to pave the way towards a new galactic government. Rey moved towards her, intent on letting the General in on her concerns, but the chaos of their victory drove them apart; Leia towards the other Alliance leaders that had joined them on the bridge, and Rey back towards the doors. Her job here was done. The Last Jedi had served her purpose, and now the Resistance had no further use for her, at least for now. She was ushered back out of the command center, and before she could protest she found herself back out in the corridors, surrounded by the other people like herself who were considered less important now that the battle was won. She felt rage bubble up inside her. How dare they cast her off so unceremoniously? It had been her desire to save Ben that had led to this victory in the first place. She had pushed through the front line, and she had gotten them through the doors. Surely her voice had some weight after everything she had done?

Just as she had made up her mind to bust back into the command center, saber ignited if necessary, a jubilant voice called out to her. Rey turned and saw Rose pushing through the crowd, making her way over. Before she could slip away, her friends converged on her, and she was engulfed by them as she was pulled into a many-armed hug. Rose, Finn, and Poe shouted joyously over the chaotic celebration of the Resistance, unaware of her current state of ire. She could feel the pull to the dark as she struggled to remove herself from their collective grasp. It would be so easy to unleash a Force blast and drive them away, or to ignite her saber and unleash her fury on them all.

Rey clenched her fists, fighting the urge. All of her fear over losing Ben, all of her rage at being cast aside, all of her anxiety over the claustrophobic group hug she suddenly found herself forced into seemed to wind around her like tendrils, pulling her towards the darkness. It would be so easy to let it consume her. Rage was easy; patience and calm took a mental fortitude she wasn’t sure she had the strength for anymore. She could feel her fingernails digging into the flesh of her palms, and it made her think of Ben. Was this the conflict he felt every time he was driven to self-inflicted pain? Her heart gave a painful lurch as she thought of him. Was he even still alive? His injuries had been severe after all, and he had lost a lot of blood. She told herself she would have felt it if something had happened, but she couldn’t help but worry that the darkness now seeping into her heart was the Force’s way of telling her he was gone. Her lungs constrict at the thought of it, and she gasped for breath as though she were drowning.

Without warning, a strong grip grasped her by the arm, yanking her away from her friends. Vega stood before her, placing her hands on Rey’s shoulders.

“Breathe, Rey. Just breathe, and let it pass,” she said calmly.

Rey obeyed, locking her gaze on Vega, letting the woman’s strong presence ground her. She felt them connect, much like they had on the ship when they had raised the Force cloak, and together they tuned out the chaos around them and focused only on their mirrored breathing. Rey felt the darkness ebbing, and slowly her mind came back into focus and her breathing returned to normal. Rose, Poe, and Finn stood transfixed and confused, unsure of what had just happened.

Torren came striding over, an amused and entirely unconcerned look on his face. He walked over to Rose and casually draped his arm around her shoulders, causing her to blush deeply, but with a burst of courage, she snaked her arm around his waist in response.

“What set her off?” he said, looking to Rose with a charming smile.

“Set her off?” she replied, confused.

“Mmhmm. Looks like a panic attack. Kylo gets them a lot; Vega was always the best at calming him. Looks like he and Rey have that in common too.”

“I dunno, I’ve never seen her have a panic attack before,” Finn interjected.

Torren shrugged. “She struggles with the Light and the Dark inside her… it’s not uncommon to feel overwhelmed by it sometimes. It’s happened to all of us at one point or another, well, except Leonie. But she… is an oddball anyway.”

Their conversation slowly seeped into Rey’s consciousness as she felt herself pulled back into the world around her. Vega kept her stunning eyes locked onto Rey’s, keeping a firm grasp on her shoulders.

“Better?” she asked softly.

Rey nodded, letting out a long breath. “Thank you Vega.”

She finally released Rey, giving a small shrug. “Anger and fear are powerful emotions, and it’s easy to lose yourself in them. You need to learn to harness those emotions, not push them out like the Jedi would teach you, otherwise they will consume you and you will snap. You’ve seen what that looks like.”

Rey knew she was referring to Ben, and it made her sad to know he struggled with these conflicts on a daily basis. She knew what it felt like now, to be on the edge of darkness and how difficult it was to resist. She had already let herself succumb to it; let her rage take over and drive her. She found herself impressed that Ben had any light left in him at all, after all the things he had been through.

“Speaking of Kylo, let’s get you to him, okay? We have nothing left to do here,” Vega said, giving her a sympathetic look.

Rey nodded. Vega raised her hand in a silent command, and suddenly the Knights were all around them, ready to leave. “You guys coming too?” Vega said to Rose, Finn, and Poe.

They looked around at each other and the chaos around them, and then nodded.

“Not much for us to do now,” Poe said. “Might as well head back too.”

“Good. Let’s go then,” Vega replied, turning on her heel and marching away.

Nobody stopped them as they moved back through the corridors towards the hangar bay. The fighting had stopped, and they passed several cuffed First Order troops, mostly comprised of engineers, medics, and custodial staff; the people who were neither in charge, nor soldiers; the people who likely had more loyalty to their continued existence than to the organization they worked for.

Vega led them into the hangar bay and towards a transport ship. The one they had arrived on was smoking and riddled with holes from the blaster fire, but there were plenty of other ships for them to choose from, and Vega had no hesitation in doing so. They boarded the ship silently and without resistance. Poe immediately went to the console and fired up the engines. When everyone was settled in, he took off without a word. The mood among them had changed; now that the joy of their victory had died down, Ben was on everyone’s mind. Rey could feel Rose casting concerned glances at her every few minutes, and she tried her best to ignore it.

Soon enough they had landed. The base was unusually quiet; almost everyone capable of fighting had joined the attack on the destroyer. The hallways were empty, save for the occasional group carrying wounded people towards the med bay. Rey led their own little group, following the injured people towards her destination. When they arrived, they found the chaos that was missing from the rest of the base. Medics ran to and fro, trying to address people with the most severe and life-threatening injuries first. As a result, dozens of bleeding, broken people lined the floors, waiting to be seen as they moaned in pain. There was hardly enough room to walk, and Rey could feel her anxiety returning.

Vega grabbed the nearest medic by the back of his coat as he ran past, nearly pulling him off his feet. He spun around angrily, but his expression softened when he laid eyes on Rey.

“Aaah… we were told you’d probably show up. You’re looking for Kylo Ren, yes?” he asked.

Rey frowned at the name, but she nodded. “He was brought here right? Is he going to be okay?”

“He has lost a lot of blood, unfortunately… we managed to patch him up, but he has suffered from quite a few injuries in addition to the blaster wound and his vitals are… fairly weak. All we can do now is monitor him and wait. I’m sorry I don’t have better news for you,” he replied, looking genuinely sympathetic.

“Can I see him?” Rey pleaded, unable to contain the tears that fell down her cheeks.

“I…” the medic looked from the lightsaber at Rey’s hip to the several heavily armed people behind her, and he swallowed hard. “I’m sorry… the med bay is crowded enough as it is, and we are only expecting more. I understand you want to be with him, but he is unconscious right now, so he wouldn’t even know you are there. I must ask you to wait outside. I will personally let you know if anything changes, okay?”

“He would know I was there,” Rey seethed. She felt the darkness creeping up in her again, tempting her to cut the man down and run to Ben’s side. She took a steadying breath, and pushed it down. “Let me know immediately if he so much as twitches.”

The medic nodded, and then hurried off with one last fearful look at the lightsaber. Rose placed her hand on Rey’s shoulder, and let her out of the med bay.

“Come on; let’s go to the mess hall. It’s close by, and we can wait for news there together. Okay?”

Rey nodded, letting the comfort of her friends wash over her and push the panic and fear down to a more tolerable level. Together the ten of them walked somberly to the mess hall, tense and anxious to know if they had lost a friend that day.


	19. Endings and Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The First Order has been defeated, but not everything has been resolved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is technically the last chapter; Chapter 20 is a short epilogue so if you want to skip Ch. 20 I totally get it. Sometimes it's preferable to make up your own epilogue xD 
> 
> I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read my story, thank you to everyone who left kudos, and a galaxy of thank yous to all the people who commented. I am thrilled beyond words that people loved my fic so much, and it was all your wonderful support that encouraged me to keep writing. The Reylo community is so loving and supportive, and I am so glad I could contribute something to our little dorky family <3 
> 
> I really hope you enjoy the ending, and thank you again for reading ^_^

Four days. It had been four long, agonizing days, and Ben still had not awoken. The medics had told Rey that he was in stable condition, but the trauma and severity of his injuries had forced him into a coma-like state. They were sure he would recover physically, but they had no idea when he might possibly wake up. He had been moved to a private recovery room and his vitals were still being monitored, but otherwise there was little change in his condition. Rey spent most of her time by his side, trying to reach out to him through the Force, but with no success. All she could do was wait.

Vega and the other Knights of Ren visited frequently as well, though it was more to keep Rey from breaking down. The medics had told them that most of the danger had passed, but Rey still worried that something could go wrong, so her friends had taken it upon themselves to distract her. On the morning of the fourth day, Torren and Rose had come to Ben’s room and found Rey asleep in a chair next to his bed. They exchanged a look; Torren’s amused expression met Rose’s concern, and together they approached Rey and gently shook her awake.

“Hey sleepyhead… let’s go get some breakfast. You need to eat something,” Rose said softly.

Rey’s eyes fluttered open and she looked up at her friends, stifling a yawn. She cast her gaze over to Ben, frowning at his unconscious form. She was reluctant to leave him, but Rose was right. She had barely eaten anything since the battle on the First Order flagship, and her stomach gave a painful growl at the mention of breakfast.

“Alright,” she said, getting up out of the chair and stretching out her stiff muscles.

She leaned over and kissed Ben gently on the forehead, then turned back to Rose and Torren with a sigh. “His wounds are much better… he should have woken up by now.”

Rose put her arm around Rey, leading her out of the room. Torren fell into step on Rey’s other side, linking his arm in hers. “He’s been through a lot; he just needs to rest right now, that’s all.”

Rey nodded, though she couldn’t help the fear that clenched at her heart. After everything they had been through, she didn’t think she could survive if she lost him now. Their fates were entwined; they were two halves of a whole. Losing him would be like losing half of her heart, and the mere thought of it made her want to collapse to the floor and weep. She kept reminding herself that the medics expected him to recover, and that she had to be strong. But she knew without a doubt that Ben was her soul mate, and seeing him lying motionless in a bed hooked up to monitors filled her with a dread she had never experienced before.

They entered the mess hall and each grabbed a tray before heading over to a long table in the back. Finn and Poe were sitting side by side, grinning at each other affectionately. Vega and Connix sat across from them, deep in conversation with Malik. Erek and Bando sat across from each other, tossing bits of their breakfast at each other and laughing like children. Seeing all her friends, old and new, sitting together happily brought a small smile to Rey’s face, and warmed her otherwise heavy heart. As they joined the others at the table, her smile grew as she noticed Torren and Rose sit close to each other, both grinning sheepishly at the other. It was strange to Rey that only a few days ago they were at war, the threat of death looming over them all constantly, and now they were sitting together, alive and carefree.

Wars didn’t end overnight of course, and there was still much work to be done, but most of the First Order’s commanding officers were on board the flagship when it was taken, so the chain of command was thrown into chaos with the victory of the Resistance. Their allies had taken their confusion as an opportunity, and struck out at other First Order bases and ships. Within the past four days, they had managed to cripple the once powerful faction and bring them to their knees. Without clear command or any organization, the whole First Order seemed to unravel at the seams, and it seemed that they were finished once and for all.

Rey had been right in thinking that most of the general employees of the First Order had no real loyalty to them now that they had been defeated. Technicians, medics, custodial staff, and the everyday workers on every ship and base were either fleeing, or surrendering, wanting nothing more than to live to see their families again. They had even come across a few Stormtroopers who like Finn, had managed to overcome years of mental conditioning and defected or surrendered willingly. It would be some time still before the war was truly over, but for now at least they were on the right track. Now they had time to plan for the future. Rey had been meaning to talk to Leia since her announcement on the flagship, but Leia had been suspiciously absent ever since Rey had returned to Dantooine. She had expected the General to at least check in on her son, but Connix had told Rey that Leia had left on a ship and had not returned to the base since. Nobody else seemed concerned, but Rey couldn’t help the worry that crept into her mind.

“Hey Jedi, you in there?”

A drawling voice cut across her thoughts and Rey looked up sharply. Vega was staring at her with an amused look, and she raised her eyebrow as Rey met her eyes.

“Sorry… I was… thinking.”

“Well, I was just asking if you had any plans this afternoon… apart from staring at an unconscious Kylo that is. I was hoping you’d come and train with us a bit so we can show you some new forms and techniques,” Vega replied.

“Oh!” Rey had been hoping for a chance to train with the Knights, and she felt honoured that Vega was actually inviting her to do just that. “Yeah, I would like that.”

“I thought as much. We’re going to head out after lunch, so meet us here and we will head out together.”

Rey nodded, glad to have something to look forward to. She needed to take her mind off of all the dark thoughts that were seeping in, and she knew training was something she could pour her focus into.

As they finished up breakfast, their table was suddenly approached by a woman that Rey recognized as one of the communications officers from the main command center. She nodded in greeting as Rey looked up at her.

“The General would like to speak with you,” the woman said curtly.

“Leia’s back? When did she arrive?” Rey asked, looking over to Connix who shrugged in reply.

“She arrived this morning. She sent me to request your presence in the small meeting room… she said you would know which one,” the woman said, growing obviously irritated at Rey’s question.

“Alright… thanks. I’ll go there now.”

The woman nodded again, then turned on her heel and strode away. Several pairs of eyes turned to her, and Rey looked around with a shrug before rising from the table and following the woman out of the room. She headed down the corridors, noticing with annoyance that people were still stopping in their tracks to stare at her as she passed. She wasn’t sure if it was because of her relationship with Ben, or because of her actions on the Destroyer, but it annoyed her all the same.

When she arrived, Rey had barely knocked once before she heard Leia’s voice telling her to come in. Rey obeyed, finding Leia sitting alone with a dour expression. She gestured for Rey to take a seat across from her. Rey once again obeyed, eyeing the general with trepidation. They regarded each other silently for a moment, and then Leia spoke.

“How is he?” she asked gently.

Her tone surprised Rey; Leia’s expression was stern and cold, but her voice dripped with concern and emotion.

“Still unconscious, but recovering. The medics have told me he has survived the worst though, and he should make a full recovery.”

Leia nodded, folding her hands together on the table. She fell silent again, gathering her thoughts. Finally she looked up at Rey, holding her gaze as if inviting her to speak. Rey was confused; Leia had called her here, yet it seemed as though she wanted Rey to begin the conversation. The General was notoriously intuitive however, and Rey considered the possibility that she simply knew she had wanted to speak with her.

“Umm…” Rey started hesitantly. When Leia did not interrupt, she continued. “I wanted to speak with you about what you said on the Destroyer.”

Leia nodded, and a small smile tugged at her lips. “I thought as much.”

“Well… it just didn’t sit right with me. It sounded sort of –“

“Like something the First Order would say?” Leia finished for her.

“Well… yeah.”

“I am sure you have noticed that most of the people who have surrendered to us are not the officers or the Stormtroopers, but the average, every day employee?”

“Yes…” Rey replied.

“A lot of these people have little to no real loyalty to the First Order. They did not fight for them because they believed in their cause, many of them joined because they had no choice. Either they were forced to join, or they needed the credits. Rebellions do not exactly deliver a paycheck, and it’s hard to find the strength to fight for a cause when your family is poor and starving. Most of the people who have surrendered will likely be pardoned, and free to return home. I chose my words carefully for this reason. I wanted to make sure they all knew it was pointless to continue fighting, and that only those who drove the ideals of the First Order would be in danger.”

“But… you made it sound like…”

“Like I was trying to take over? Seize power? In a way, I was. My name is recognized and respected by both sides of this war, and contrary to what you would like to believe, people feel comfortable rallying behind a leader. For now, I am a name people can rally around.”

Rey narrowed her eyes at Leia suspiciously. “Ben risked his life to leave the First Order because he trusted that you would understand… you’re making it sound like you want to restore the Republic and lead them all.”

“I understand that misinterpretation. However, I have thought about what you have told me of Ben’s plans a great deal. He… was always an idealistic dreamer. He is so intelligent, but he often blinds himself to the bigger picture when he sets his mind on something. Having true peace throughout the galaxy is, in short, impossible. That being said, he was right about the Republic.”

“I’m confused…” Rey said, growing annoyed.

“The Republic was defeated. The First Order is limping along still, but it is only a matter of time now before they are defeated as well. The end of the war is in sight, and this is the time to prepare for the future. You and Ben are right; us old war heroes have been so stuck in our ways that we failed to see that the war with the Empire changed the galaxy for good. The Republic no longer works, so we need something fresh and new.

I have spent the last four days meeting with the young leaders of different planets, factions, and organizations from around the galaxy, including members of the Resistance, New Republic, and even the First Order. I have spoken to these young people and have gained a better understanding of where we need to go from here in order to shape a better future for the galaxy. These are the people that should be leading us, not old has-beens like myself.”

“Leia… you’re not –” Rey started, but the general cut her off.

“My time is done, Rey. I have accomplished many things in my years, some of which I am very proud of, others less so. But I am a has-been nonetheless, and I do not take it as an insult; I take it as an excuse to finally put my feet up and rest for once. It is time to let the past die, and allow the future to thrive. I will guide these young leaders to the best of my ability and pass on the wisdom I have acquired over the years, but when the time comes to form a new galactic government, I will not be a part of it. The people I have chosen are smart, compassionate, and have their eyes set towards the future. They will have time to prepare a new order of government while I help end this war for good, and then I will pass the torch and retire.”

Rey didn’t know what to say, but she was relieved to hear Leia’s words. This is what Ben had meant when he had told her to let the past die, and she was happy to know that Leia now understood as well. She fell silent, thinking of how happy Ben would be to know his faith in his mother was not unfounded.

“Does that address your concerns?” Leia prompted.

“Yes, I think so. I’m… I’m sorry I doubted you.”

Leia waved her hand dismissively. “I keep my thoughts and secrets close, so I can’t blame your suspicion.”

Suddenly there was a sharp knock at the door, causing both women to look up curiously. Leia called for whoever was in the hall to enter, and a young medic stepped in. He looked between Leia and Rey with a smile.

“I’m glad you’re both here… Kylo Ren is awake. I was told to alert you both immediately,” he said.

The two women looked at each other briefly, then swiftly stood and strode from the room.

XXXXX

Ben awoke slowly, struggling to take in his surroundings as his eyes squinted against the bright lights of the med bay. He felt weak and exhausted, but the pain that had wracked his body before he had lost consciousness had dulled significantly. His stomach was still heavily bandaged and the spot where the blaster bolt had struck him stung sharply as he sat up, but as he inspected the rest of his body he was relieved to see that most of his other injuries were nearly healed. He looked around the room; he was sitting on a bed, wearing soft, white pants and a robe that lay open. He had machines hooked up to his arms and bare chest, monitoring his heartbeat and other vital signs. The room was quiet and empty, save for a steady beeping from one of the monitors.

His memory was hazy. The last thing he remembered clearly was getting shot by Hux; after that everything came back to him in fragments. He recalled Finn trying to patch him up, Rey’s worried face as he was carried somewhere, and he vaguely recalled seeing his mother. But everything blurred together and he wasn’t sure any of it was real. He began to panic. Where was he? How long had he been here? Was Rey alive?

He took a steadying breath, pushing down the panic that swelled within him. He looked around the room again, assessing it with a calmer mind. He had been well taken care of and healed, so he concluded that he must be among allies. There was no telltale hum of a ship around him, so he knew he must be planetside. Despite the crisp, white walls of the medical bay, he recognized a similar design to what he recalled of the Dantooine base. He had to be on Dantooine, and if he was here and it was calm, the Resistance must have won the battle. As to the wellbeing of Rey however, he was not quite as certain.

Ben had to find her. He had to know she had made it off of the Destroyer safely. He threw his blankets off, then began ripping the wires that hooked him up to various machines off of his body. Alarms began to sound, and within seconds a medic had rushed into the room. Ben was half-way out of bed when she burst through the door, and they both froze, staring at each other. The medic recovered first, and strode over to him.

“Don’t get up, you’re still recovering,” she said, attempting to push him back onto the bed.

“Where is Rey?” was his reply.

The woman smirked at him, pushing him back onto the mattress with surprising force. In his weakened state, Ben had no choice but to let her. “She is perfectly fine, I can assure you. She’s been here every day since you were brought in, so she will be happy to hear you have woken up.”

“How long was I out?”

“About four days.”

“Four days?!” Ben repeated, dismayed. “What happened? Did the Resistance win? Is everyone safe?”

The medic pulled his blankets back up around him, frowning slightly. “Well there were casualties, as there are in any battle. But yes, we are safe, and we were victorious. The First Order has been driven into chaos, and from what I’ve heard, most of what remains has either gone into hiding or have surrendered.”

Ben breathed a sigh of relief, hardly able to believe it was true, but he struggled to find comfort in the woman’s words. He prayed that none of the casualties she had mentioned were people he cared about. “Is my... aah… is General Organa... “

“Your mother is alive and well,” the medic said, smiling knowingly.

Ben nodded, feeling his anxiety ebb slightly. “Thanks,” he said awkwardly. “I… I’m… I’m Ben... by the way.” He hadn’t addressed himself by his true name in many years and it felt strange, but calling himself Kylo Ren now seemed incorrect.

“I know who you are,” the woman replied with another smirk. “I’m Annalee.”

Ben nodded at her, still feeling awkward. He wasn’t used to small talk with people; in fact, he wasn’t used to talking with people much at all. Normally he just gave orders and listened to reports. Annalee sensed that he was growing uncomfortable, and she patted his arm.

“I’m going to go send someone to inform Rey and the General that you are awake,” she said. Ben nodded again, and she turned and left the room, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

He lay back against the pillows, drawing his robe closed around himself. Now that he wasn’t hooked up to the machines, he felt he could relax a little, especially knowing Rey would soon be there. He wondered if his mother would come along though. Surely she still cared about his wellbeing, but was she truly able to face him, after all the things he had done? With a pang of regret, his father sprang to mind. He had been so sure that killing Han Solo would help him find his strength and resolve, but it had done nothing but break him. He supposed that was the start of his journey back to the Light, but he still regretted his actions bitterly. How could he possibly explain to his mother why he had done it? He had never hated his father. He was angry at him, sure. He resented him for being away so often, and even more so for sending him away. But he was still his father, and when Han had actually been around, he had been a good one.

Despite his regrets, he couldn’t help but begrudge his parents for their part in his fall to darkness. As a child he had shown great strength in the Force, and he had shown an inclination to both the Dark and the Light. He had so many happy memories from when he was very young, but as he got older, the more afraid of his power Han and Leia had become. Those happy memories faded into memories of fights, tears, and long absences, until one day they had decided to send him away. Snoke may have helped that wound fester, but it was a wound that his parents inflicted of their own accord. He sighed, burdened by his own thoughts. Love was such a complicated and inconvenient thing. It would be so much easier if he could just hate his parents and be done with it.

The sound of the door opening drew him out of his brooding and he looked up. Rey stood in the doorway, momentarily frozen by her relief at seeing him awake and well, before she launched herself across the room and threw her arms around him. Ben winced as she fell into him, his wound giving a painful stab, but he said nothing. He would endure far worse for the chance to feel her warm body against his. He closed his eyes and buried his face in her hair, wrapping his arms around her tightly and breathing in the scent of her. After a few moments, Rey pulled back to catch his eye. She was grinning happily, and Ben couldn’t help but smile in response.

Someone behind Rey cleared their throat to announce their presence, and Ben reluctantly pulled his eyes away from Rey and towards the woman who now lingered just inside the door. Rey pulled away and turned around, casting her gaze towards Leia as well. She was staring at her son with a stony expression, but even Rey could see the emotion dancing behind the general’s eyes. She glanced back at Ben, who wore an identical expression.

“Should I… give you two some privacy?” she asked, not wanting to intrude on what she hoped would be their reconciliation.

Leia shook her head once, her eyes glued to Ben’s. “No… stay. I am sure you will hear everything I have to say anyway, so you might as well hear it first-hand.”

Rey looked to Ben, who shifted his gaze to her briefly and nodded. She slid off of the bed and into the chair she had been occupying for the past few days, reaching out to take Ben’s hand. Leia took a step towards them, but froze, hesitant. The mood in the room was tense, and Rey could tell that neither of them knew exactly what to say to the other. However Leia, as usual, was the first to break the silence.

“I’ve missed you, Ben,” she said, her voice breaking slightly.

His gaze lowered and he shifted uncomfortably. That certainly hadn’t been the first thing he had expected to hear from her. Leia took a few more steps forward, stopping near the foot of the bed.

“Ben… I am so deeply sorry.”

His eyes flickered back to hers briefly; her stony exterior had cracked, and her face was etched with remorse. It threw him off guard; it was rare to see her crumble. He looked at Rey, who gave his hand a supportive squeeze, then dropped his gaze once again as a knot formed in his chest.

“I never should have sent you away. I… _we_ thought it was the best thing for you. We thought that Luke could help guide you, but after all these years I realize that you didn’t need Luke. You needed your parents to support you and have faith in you. We failed you, Ben, and that is not something I can undo. But… we never stopped loving you, your father and I. Even now, after everything, I still love you dearly. I don’t know if I can ever truly forgive you for the things you have done, but I am not certain you can forgive me either. So all I can hope for is a chance to try.”

Rey’s eyes were fixed on Ben, and her heart broke for him. The knot in his chest ached, and he couldn’t stop the tears that welled up in his eyes from falling or his lip from trembling. She had seen him break down before; seen him vulnerable. But this was something entirely new. This was the young boy inside him who ached for his mother.

Finally he found the strength to look up at Leia, and he noticed with a jolt to his heart that her lip was trembling too. He hastily wiped the tears from his cheeks and took a deep breath to calm himself.

“I’m so sorry… I wish I could take it back,” he said with a wavering voice. “I thought it was what I needed to do to end the conflict within me once and for all, but I was wrong. I regretted it the moment it happened, and it destroyed me.”

He hadn’t said the words directly, but both Leia and Rey knew he was talking about Han. Even Rey had never heard the true reason why Ben had killed his father. It was a raw topic for all of them, but she was glad to know the truth at last. There was no excuse for what he had done, and they all knew it. But knowing how deeply Ben regretted his actions and that he would never forgive himself for Han’s death made it easier for Rey at least to put it all in the past and move on. She gave his hand another squeeze, and he looked to her gratefully. Leia suddenly moved closer, and after a moment’s hesitation she took Ben’s other hand in hers. He looked up at her with surprise.

“The war is drawing to a close, and a new future is on the horizon. This is the perfect time to put our demons in the past and start anew. I am willing to leave the past behind us and try to salvage the time we have left together, if you are willing to as well,” she said, hopeful.

Ben stared at her for a few long moments. Despite everything that had happened between them and despite their years apart, he could still feel her warm, motherly energy washing over him. It made him feel safe and calm. Finally, he nodded. Leia let out a small breath, then leaned over and wrapped her arms around Ben tightly, pulling him into the type of comforting embrace that only a mother could give. Rey felt his hand leave hers, and he slowly wrapped his arms around Leia in return. Rey couldn’t help but let her tears fall, elated by their reunion. Without warning, Leia reached over and grabbed Rey by the arm, pulling her out of the chair and into their hug. She hated to intrude on their moment, but Leia held her tightly.

“Thank you Rey. Thank you for bringing him home.”

 

XXXXX

Ben was released the next day, though he was told to take it easy for a while until his wounds had fully healed. He was thankful to leave the confines of the med bay, and his first course of action was to take a long, hot shower and change into something that wasn’t blindingly white. After he was clean and dressed he met back up with Rey, who took in his outfit with an amused smirk. He looked down at his clothes; he had chosen a loose black tunic and belt, black pants, and black leather boots. He looked back to Rey, confused.

“What?” he asked, annoyed.

“Of all the colour schemes to choose from, you had to stick with the one that reminds everyone that you used to be their enemy,” Rey replied, suppressing a laugh.

Ben looked back down at his clothes, and then shrugged. “I like black. Also, I don’t care what everyone thinks; I’ve changed, and all the people I actually care about know this already.”

Rey just smirked at him, taking his hand in hers and leading him down the corridor towards the hangar bay. Ben looked at her curiously.

“I thought we were going to grab some lunch,” he asked.

“Oh, we are. But I figured it might be a little overwhelming for you in the mess hall; it’s usually really busy at lunch time, and people have a bad habit of staring. I know from experience,” Rey replied with a grimace. “So I arranged for us to meet up with just a few friends somewhere quieter.”

Ben gave her hand an appreciative squeeze, once again counting himself lucky that such a thoughtful, kind person as Rey had even given him a second glance. Together they walked towards the hangar bay, and when they arrived he couldn’t help but smirk. Rey’s idea of a ‘few’ friends was the six Knights of Ren, Rose, Finn, Poe, and Connix. By ‘few’, she had meant ‘all’ of their friends. They looked up as Ben and Rey approached the group, seated on the floor and on crates around a ship that looked as if Rose had been tinkering around with prior to their lunch break. To Ben’s surprise, Finn was the first one to greet them, jumping to his feet and striding over.

“It’s good to see you up… Ben? Is it okay if I call you that?” he asked.

“Uhh… yeah. Sure,” Ben replied awkwardly. He still wasn’t used to being called by his real name, and it was surreal to hear from others.

“Great.” Finn held out his hand to him, and Ben took it hesitantly. “I’d like to start over. It’s obvious you have changed, so I owe you a chance. Plus you saved my life, and I never properly thanked you for it. So… thank you.”

“Well… you saved mine, so thank you too,” Ben replied, shaking his hand.

Rey grinned at the both of them, overjoyed to see that all her friends and loved ones were getting along at last. She, Ben, and Finn joined the others, and they were immediately handed plates of food. They spent the rest of the afternoon together, laughing and talking, and Ben found that once he got over his initial hesitation, he rather enjoyed himself. It had been too long since he had proper friends or had been able to just relax and open up to people, and he had missed it. Finally, the turmoil inside him seemed to be quelled, and an overwhelming sense of peace and happiness was left in its wake. He looked over at Rey, catching her eye, and they grinned at each other.

This was where he belonged.


	20. Epilogue

It had been five wonderful years since the fall of the First Order. Leia had been true to her word, stepping down as soon as the war had officially ended, making way for a group of new, young leaders who formed the Galactic Senate. Peace was still a difficult goal to achieve, but the Galactic Senate worked diligently to make sure even the people living in the most remote corners of the galaxy had a voice. Unlike the First Order, the Republic, and the Empire, they didn’t simply seek to rule, they sought to improve, and the galaxy soon came to support them eagerly as their words were put to action.

The Resistance had officially disbanded, and everyone had moved on with their lives, enjoying their newfound peace, and finding new paths to tread. Poe, Finn, and Connix had all joined the Galactic Senate as military officers, leading missions to various systems to take down the slave trade. The three of them had military command in their blood, and it was a perfect fit. Rose and Torren had joined the Senate as well, building and repairing ships. It wasn’t as exciting as infiltration missions, but they both enjoyed their work, and as newlyweds, they enjoyed the ability to work together.

The remaining Knights of Ren had opened up a training facility for Force sensitive individuals, teaching people of all ages how to harness and use the Force, as well as combat skills. Unlike the Jedi, they refused to prevent their students from contacting their families. They taught balance; encouraging their students to form connections, find friends, and fall in love. The Jedi were no more, and in their wake a new order of Force users was born. These Force users were encouraged to harness both Light and Dark, and taught how to balance them both.

For a time Ben and Rey had taught at the Knight Academy, as they had appropriately named it, but Ben found that the students he taught were hesitant around him because of his dark past, and eventually he chose to leave the school in the more capable hands of his friends. Instead he had focused on repairing his relationship with Leia, and eventually she, Ben, and Rey settled down in a small village on Takodana, chosen for its peace and beauty.

Ben awoke one morning to bright sunlight warming his face through the window near their bed. He rolled over and stretched before sitting up and looking for his wife. He spotted Rey instantly, sitting across the room at a small vanity table, brushing her brunette locks. She looked over at his as he sat up, and smiled serenely.

“Good morning my love,” she said, setting down her brush and crossing the room to kiss him.

Ben grinned, wrapping his arms around her small frame and pulling her down onto the bed with him. He wove his hand into her hair and kissed her deeply, enticing a happy moan from Rey. Even after five years, waking up next to her was Ben’s favourite part of the day. He had never been so happy or so at peace in his entire life, and he was eternally grateful for the beautiful woman who had somehow seen the man behind the monster and had fallen in love with him.

Suddenly the bedroom door burst open, and a small girl came running into the room. She was about four years old, with soft, brown eyes, freckles splattered across her cheeks, and dark, curly hair that bounced around her shoulders. Ben and Rey broke apart, catching the girl as she leapt up onto the bed with them, laughing.

“Sweetheart, you really should knock,” Rey said, laughing at her daughter.

A second child appeared in the doorway; he was more timid than his twin sister, and had soft brown hair, but they shared the same freckles. He crossed the room and climbed up into the bed with the rest of his family, snuggling up under Ben’s arm.

“Are you excited to spend the day with Grandma Leia?” Rey asked the twins.

“Yeah!” They said in unison.

Rey smiled at her children, leaning in to kiss them both on the top of their heads. “Then go get dressed, and then we will have breakfast before we go, okay?”

The twins slid off of the bed and raced each other out the door, laughing. Rey and Ben watched them retreat, both smiling happily.

“I hope your mother is up to the task,” Rey said, turning back to her husband. “They’re getting to be a handful.”

Ben smirked, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling Rey close. “She better be, because I am looking forward to having you all to myself today,” he said, leaving a trail of kisses along her neck.

Rey let out a small moan, biting her lip to stifle the sound. “Save it for later, Ben! We don’t want to scar the children,” she said with a laugh.

Ben released his wife, grinning happily, and then crawled out of bed and began dressing for the day. Their life was a blissfully simple one, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. He finally had everything he had ever wanted; a loving, happy family, and he wouldn’t trade that for all the power in the galaxy.

Rey came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his middle affectionately. He could hear the twins laughing down the hall, and he knew they should probably check to see if they were actually getting dressed, or just goofing off as usual. But instead he turned in Rey’s arms, enveloping her in his own. The twins could wait another minute; he wanted to savour every single moment with his wife that he could. He looked down at her smiling face, letting her familiar light wash over him and brighten his heart.

“I love you, Rey Solo. You are my everything,” he said, reaching up and tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear.

She grinned at him; she loved it when he was spontaneously adorable. He had inherited his mother’s habit of projecting stoicism around others, but no matter how quiet or introverted Ben could be, he never failed to melt in her presence. She however, chose to respond playfully.

“I know.”

Ben grinned, and then leaned in and kissed her, pulling her close. They let themselves get lost in each other for just a moment, but reality pulled them back.

“Daddy!! I can’t find my boots!” their daughter called.

Ben pulled away from Rey, and smirked at the woman who had changed his life.

“Duty calls,” he said, giving her another quick kiss before turning and leaving the room.

Rey watched him go, unable to shake the happy smile on her face. She and Ben had faced so much darkness and so much heartache in the past that it was often hard to believe they had found such happiness now. But found it they had, and each day seemed to be happier than the next. They had craved love, belonging, and family for so long, and they had found it at last in each other. Not a day passed where she didn’t count her blessings, and she knew Ben did the same. They had two wonderful children, supportive friends and family, and most of all, they had each other. There was nothing else in the whole galaxy either of them needed now. Together they had it all. Together, they were whole.


End file.
